It was definitely a good year.
ORD-ed on the 8 March and then finally feeling civilian life all over again.
It just feels weird not to book in again.
So right after ORD, I came back to climbing again.
And this time it became vigorous.
3/4 times a week?
As compared to army, 3/4 weeks a time?
Hahahaha.
Hobo around for a month.
Started working at Suntec.
Made some friends there.
Really quite a fun place to work.
Promoted to Interman during Pumpfest 2015!!!
Together with Joshua Ko.
Been waiting for that day for so long hahaha.
So yeah.
Went to Phuket and Bali with two different group of friends.
Remembered that I came back from Phuket feeling down.
Because of how our world is.
Of how technology had changed the way we lived.
It took me quite a while before I got out from the post-overseas feel.
Was literally wasting my life away before uni starts.
Drinking at least 2-3 times a week.
Drowning all my problems in alcohol.
End of the day, realised I didn't have any problems.
I'm just scared that uni was starting and I just couldn't face the reality of this world.
And so school started, I've literally drank so much less.
Only here and there drinking sessions with Chin Yue.
And yeah, school started and I was pretty not used to learning things again.
I guess taking physics was really not a bad choice because it was really quite interesting.
Was really quite a loner in school lol.
I only had a few friends studying physics together.
Yan Zhao and Shiuan Jun.
So yeah, practically just the two of them.
Met this guy called Adib at Zouk.
Science Bash.
Was there to support Sean Hui together with Chin Yue, and his 204 friends.
Went to the smoking corner and BAM!
This guy looked too familiar, I think he's from physics.
And yeah, we kind of became smoking buddy in school.
Always having a puff before lecture starts and before papers etc.
So yeah, school was really hard to get used to.
Dayna told me to go and sign up for NUS climb team during the life fest. (issit called life fest?)
It was like the first few weeks of school.
Went for the trials and I swear I did so badly.
Partly cause I was injured.
And partly cause I don't do high wall.
So they top rope belay me to do a 6b or smth.
And I felt so freaking pump.
I can't HIGH WALL.
So the pump followed me to the boulder route where I will be scored.
The whole trial was just so bad.
I really didn't know whether I could get in the team.
And when the email came.
I was like OMGGGGGGGGGGG.
I'm in the school climbing team.
Really so glad.
Then came a message from Dayna.
And she told me how hard she fought for me to get into the team.
I was really glad to hear that.
Someone that I wasn't really that close to then helped me so much.
THANKS DAYNA YOU GAVE ME LIFE IN NUS.
IF YOU ARE READING THIS.
SO YUP!
Cause I didn't go for any camps, I had 0 friend.
Lol.
I mean it didn't really matter to me since friends come and go.
But I do feel alone sometimes.
And I'm really glad I have my own group of friends.
My CLIMBING peng yous.
So yeah, ever since I joined climbing in NUS.
Life in school has became a little better.
Lunch weren't that lonely.
Studying?
I could do that in school with those YIH people.
So yeah, with that I really start getting used to life in Uni.
Balancing between studies, climbing and catching up with my good friends who were mostly in NTU.
So yeah, I guess I'm a frequent visitor to Hall 14/15/16.
Lol.
I swear NUS and NTU are just two different schools.
Culture is just so different.
NTU rabak.
NUS boring.
Hahahha.
So yeah, results for this semester?
B- B- C B B+
So I S/U-ed everything except for the B+.
And I'm left with 4.0.
If not it was a 3.1.
I know it's bad.
Lol.
But it's the first semester.
Time table wasn't build properly and climbing wasn't really balanced into the curriculum.
And I attend tutorials without attempting it.
Stupid.
LOL.
Yeah, so I guess I'm learning from all this mistake and hopefully next semester would be a better one.
AND YUP!
Finally, I went for a year-end trip with my climbing team to Qing Dao.
Really wonderful place.
Never been to such a cold country before.
But yeah, I broke my tibia and fibula there.
Probably the highlight of this year.
Lol.
Scarred.
But so far, 16 days after the incident.
I guess I learnt some things.
Life is really fragile.
Anything can happen to you at the most unexpected places and time.
And how you react to that is the most important of all.
I remembered crying on some of the 16 days.
Not because it was physically pain.
But it's the whole thing.
This whole incident.
It was really that scary.
And I really was surprised at how optimistic I was.
(Cheh, hao lian)
But seriously, I'm shocked by how my mental pushed me through this 16 days so far.
It's not really a good situation to be in.
As much as it's nice to see all your friends showing concern for you, you are the only one who can pull yourself up and start walking again.
That's what I tell myself.
On the 28th december.
Doctor told me I could and I should put weight on my injured leg.
29th december,
therapist taught me some exercise.
30th december,
tried to take away one crutch and walked with one crutch the whole day.
Today, 31st december,
I tried walking without the crutch.
And I did it.
I literally JUST did it.
Like 2 hours before lolol.
So yeah, I'm just afraid that I'm pushing myself too hard.
But there's no pain or anything so I guess I'm fine,
Need to walk properly before school starts.
If not it's really troublesome.
Back to topic,
2015 was really quite an interesting year.
It's the year where there was a phase change in life.
Army - Uni
And to be honest, it's hell of a hard transition for me.
To start socialising all over again.
To learn things about this civilian life.
And till the next year's post,
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!
Thanks to each and everyone of you for being part of my life.
Especially those who I've been talking about in my 31st December posts since 2010?
Hahahaa.
Have a great night partying everyone!!
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
Quality > Quantity (Day 13)
Gonna start working on quality weight bearing.
Meaning to say I'm going to make every step as similar as when I'm walking normally.
Landing with the heels first and rolling out to the toe.
Hopefully this will get me walking normally faster!!
:)
I have a feeling that Day 30+ I'll be able to walk without crutches.
We'll see!
Meaning to say I'm going to make every step as similar as when I'm walking normally.
Landing with the heels first and rolling out to the toe.
Hopefully this will get me walking normally faster!!
:)
I have a feeling that Day 30+ I'll be able to walk without crutches.
We'll see!
13 days after IM nailing
Went for my first appointment ytd .
Doctor really didn't say much.
Just say i should put weight on my injured leg.
And that really changed the way i used my crutches.
So yesterday was the start of putting weight on my injured leg.
It doesn't really hurt much.
Unless i really put alot of weight then i feel a little pain at the shin bone.
Swelling has subsided real good but it seemed to come back ytd after ive not been elevating my leg either due to sitting down for too long or standing up and trying to move around.
But all is fine because i realised my leg is regaining full range of motion soon.
Bending of the knee could reach as much as one fist distance away from my ass.
Straightening of the knee, sometimes 15 degree sometimes 0.
Depends on swelling.
But i hvnt really manage to flex my muscles on my left leg yet.
It's like retarded muscles lol.
But yeah im actually able to walk with one crutch now with acceptable difficulty.
Hahahaha.
Just updating to see my progress.
Maybe Day 38-
"Started climbing, feel stronger than before. Glad i fractured my Tibia and also my fibula! Weird but it works! Try it!"
Doctor really didn't say much.
Just say i should put weight on my injured leg.
And that really changed the way i used my crutches.
So yesterday was the start of putting weight on my injured leg.
It doesn't really hurt much.
Unless i really put alot of weight then i feel a little pain at the shin bone.
Swelling has subsided real good but it seemed to come back ytd after ive not been elevating my leg either due to sitting down for too long or standing up and trying to move around.
But all is fine because i realised my leg is regaining full range of motion soon.
Bending of the knee could reach as much as one fist distance away from my ass.
Straightening of the knee, sometimes 15 degree sometimes 0.
Depends on swelling.
But i hvnt really manage to flex my muscles on my left leg yet.
It's like retarded muscles lol.
But yeah im actually able to walk with one crutch now with acceptable difficulty.
Hahahaha.
Just updating to see my progress.
Maybe Day 38-
"Started climbing, feel stronger than before. Glad i fractured my Tibia and also my fibula! Weird but it works! Try it!"
Monday, December 28, 2015
Sunday, December 27, 2015
Saturday, December 26, 2015
Growth
Read the book "Timekeeper" recently.
And watched the movie "About Time"
There's just so much things I've learnt about life and time.
Why would you want to turn back time if you don't even cherish it on this very day?
Friday, December 25, 2015
My trip to TTSH - IM Nailing Operation review
Hi all.
Just woke up and it's 8.19am right now.
The tramadol I took (some pain killer) causing me to have this headache that feels like hangover.
It's really annoying.
Anyway, the shin isn't getting better steadily everyday.
It just feels less stiff but the pain isn't getting away slowly.
Sometimes the pain was more pain than the day before.
And I always wonder what am I eating wrong or what am I doing wrong.
Since I really have a lot of time, I'm just going to blog about what happened all over again.
So if you all haven't already knew, I broke my tibia and fibula (both the shin bones) while climbing in Qing Dao. So I shall start from Day 0, the day of accident.
ACCIDENT DAY 15/12/15
So it was really the most unexpected thing that could happen. Nobody expected my leg to go beneath and had such an awkward landing. The image of my 45 degrees twisted shin and the sound of the shin bone breaking in low pitch; it will just randomly be projected in my mind . And it really still scares me when I think about it. So yup, straight away after I started shouting in pain, every single person crowded around me. Tossing jackets over my body, covering the wind by standing in
a wall-like circle around me. The pain subsided quite quickly, it felt numb after awhile and I could think normally. And the first few thoughts that came to my mind "Is this a fucking dream? If not, why me? How long am I going to take before I can climb? What's my parents going to think about this? Can I still walk? How much is the operation going to be? How long is the fucking paramedic gong to let me wait?" There was just so much thoughts that you just have to shake it off. And I looked at all the worried faces around me and since I wasn't in such pain, better smile and fight this positively. Don't wanna let them worry about me. So yeah, kind of just lit a cigarette and it felt like one of the best thing then. People around me keep encouraging me and distracting me from my pain. Gwen was playing xiao xin yun, na xie nian and na xie nian de xiao xin yun (mash up) on her phone. It's really quite funny. I have a broken shin but I'm like listening to music and chilling. Really thanks to every single one of them who comforted me.
And yup, the long-awaited paramedics came and they splinted me before putting me up on the stretcher. The splinting was fucking pain. When they tighten the splint, I could feel my bones overlapping and shifting. It was SO PAINFUL. A lot of people asked how pain is it. I think the best I could describe to them was imagine you have a very bad bruise. Like maybe you accidentally kick your shin on something or you fall down and landed on your shin. So you have that bruise on your shin right, imagine the world's strongest climber pinching on your bruise. And the pain will resonate through the whole body. It felt like the pain was distributed with all the nerves in the body because if it didn't I think I would have fainted. So yeah, they put me on a stretcher with my splinted legs and then stretcher-carried me up to the road. I know it wasn't an easy to do because I remember being evacuating one of my man in Brunei with a few other guys. The terrain was so bad as compared to there. Sometimes I would shout on the stretcher while on the way to the road because my ankle is facing vertically upwards. Then they have to slowly put my ankle back to an angle where it won't hurt so much. So yeah I finally reached the ambulance and I thought the pain was finally over. But nope.
So up on the ambulance, when the driver drove, it felt like I could feel every pebble and stones on the road that we were on. The whole journey was bumpy and shaky. And it was a pretty long ride if I don't remember wrongly. I'm starting to feel tired but I couldn't sleep cause the bumps were keeping me awake. And that scene in the ambulance was also stuck in my head. On my right it was Dayna, on my left it was Colin. They kept comforting me when the road bumped or when the driver break too hard. Because all these causes pain. So yeah, just listened to the periodic siren and slowly, it was the end of the ambulance journey. I've reached the hospital.
So at the hospital, they transferred me to a trolley bed where I was pushed into the hospital. It was cold. My feet was cold. Even the hospital inside was cold at certain places. They immediately pushed me to one of the A&E rooms I supposed. A china doctor stared at me and my left leg. Asked for my name and age, asked how I got the injury. Asked me whether I could feel his finger on my toes and whether I could move them. Asked me where the pain was coming from etc etc. So he asked me to go take x-ray first and then colin, josh ko, dayna and ferran accompanied me almost throughout the time in the hospital. So the 4 of them pushed me towards the x-ray place. And on the way, while we were making a turn, there was another trolley with a patient pushing in the opposite direction as them. However, the blanket covered the whole patient, all the way, covering the face too. And I was like damn. It's like I'm already so overwhelmed with emotions and then a dead guy was pushed past me. It hit me so hard. And I was really thinking "I'm actually fortunate that only my leg is broken, I'm alive." Just a surge of emotions there and then. So yeah, went to the x-ray department of the hospital and dude, the x-ray registration wasn't even opened yet. It's 12+ in the noon. ????????????
So waited for awhile and then yeah went to took my x-ray. And Colin have to be the one helping me to lift my left leg while my right leg is on the x-ray table to shift me from the trolley bed to the table. Because the doctor said in Chinese "Your right leg is not injured right? Try moving yourself." Fuck off. Try breaking a shin and I tell you your the other leg could fly. Stupid doctor. So yeahhhhhhhhh managed to take an x-ray of my tibia and fibula and my ankle. So everyone kept using this trick "You want the good news or the bad news first?" GOOD NEWS HIS ANKLE IS PERFECTLY FINE! *Shows the ankle x-ray* BAD NEWS IS *lifts up the tibia x-ray* and everyone who sees the x-ray of my tibia and fibula be like oh fucking shittttttttttttttt. Hahhaha.
After taking the x-ray, I was pushed to the 6th floor where I have to decide whether to do operation here or to go back singapore and do. Doing in China would extend my stay here and that would definitely worry my parents so much. And on a side note, even the China doctor discouraged me to do IM nailing here because of infection risk. Lol. I could still remember Colin looking at me saying "You wanna do the OPs here or back in SG? If you do it here, higher risk. If you do it in SG, less risk. And so what they gonna do is to cast you up and we'll get you a flight back to SG asap. You're 21 already, decision is up to you." I'm 21 already, decision is up to me. Never felt so independent before. It's like I cannot ask my parents to decide for me. It was really a new feeling. So after some considerations, I just decided to cast it here and do operation back in SG. Probably the best decision ever because looking back, I think I might risk amputating my left leg if there was infection with the operation procedure in China. So we told the doctors my decision and so they decided to cast me on the spot. The casting process was said to be "Cowboy style" by one of the nurse in Singapore. Because there was no anesthesia or pain killers. And so the doctor twisted and pull my shin and idk what fuck he do but it was the most painful experience ever. It was the most pain I felt in my entire life so far. IT WAS SO PAINFUL that I shouted so loud. That when I opened my eyes after they finished casting, I see three storeys of chinese eyes staring at me. And I was like "Wow, dem Audience." And I literally looked at them and shouted "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" And they started leaving LOL. It was really damn funny. But yeah, I guess it's one of the manliest story to tell people when I go socializing with new people I guess. HAHAHA. So yeah, after casting me, Rocker and Mun Yuan came too. Rocker sent me back to the hostel in his car. Was smoking before Rocker got his car. Because I deserve one stick after that fight with the pain. It was really a right. I dare not say I win the fight because it still scars me.
So went back to the hostel and then had my last night of my trip stuck in my room. But the nice thing is my room became like a ward. People slowly come and visit me and talk to me. And you see different cliques of people getting together because of this incident. Must have say the team kind of got closer after my incident? Hahaha I feel la. So at that point of time when I was lying down on the bed with the cast on my leg, I could finally rest my mind and recall the whole day. And when I think of the pain and the scene of my twisted shin, I teared. And I realised I've been holding on to my emotions the whole day. And it came rushing back at me the moment I think back. But still, I'm so glad it's going to be over once I go back to the warmth of Singapore (literally). And I slept, awaiting the next day's flight to Singapore.
Woke up feeling very tired because of the painful sleep. It's painful because in the middle of the night, I would randomly kick my injured leg (Dreaming) and I would be like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ADGADFGASFSDA FUCK. It happens too often for me to have a comfortable sleep lol. But oh well Sun's out and I'm heading back to Singapore myself. The thought of sitting in the plane myself was quite scary too. So yeah my batch mates sent me off together with Rocker and wow I'm on my way back to Singapore! And after I waved good bye to them, I was going to be alone. I felt so vulnerable. I was in a cast, I couldn't move. The air stewardess could just push me somewhere and kidnap me. Lol that thought went through my mind. Everything felt uneasy, I'm alone, in CHINA. But one thing made me relaxed and think that I'm in safe hands. The air stewardess who was pushing me shouted to a crowd in front of me "Rang lu yi xia. Qing jie guo!" Everyone turned and look at me and then all of them shifted. And I could hear the crowd mumbling in Chinese "move in abit move in abit". It's heartening to see that China people aren't all as bad as we think they are. That was actually a very touching moment. And it was time for boarding, and I was waiting right outside the entrance to the plane. Air stewardess pushed me in and I was greeted by a group of Scoots air stewardess who were Singaporeans I guess. FINALLY SINGAPOREANS. They took care of me really well, I sat three economic seats on the way back so I could keep my feet elevated. When I finally settled down on the plane, I felt so emotional again. The fact that I'm travelling back alone, the fact that the trip has to end up like that, the fact that I'm not going to be climbing for a long long time. I recalled all the happy times I had in Qing Dao and I slowly drifted into sleep. Still tired from all that had happened.
And I'm finally in Singapore! And apart from a few knee jerk reflex that woke me up on the plane, all was well. The feeling when the wheels of the plane touched the runway. Just wow. Then I waited patiently for all passengers to alight whom many of them walked past me and just stared at me. I'm like thinking "yes yes, i broke my leg just move on bitches. won't heal just by staring at it". Quite annoying and yes. They pushed me on a wheelchair which cost SGD 270 towards the arrival hall. I'm at Changi Airport, I'm in Singapore! It all felt like a dream when I saw my parents. I looked up at them as I'm sitting on a wheel chair. It felt so wrong because normally I would look down since both my parents were shorter than me. I felt so glad to see my parents and also Moses who was waiting for me at the arrival hall. So together with them we headed to Tan Tock Seng Hospital (TTSH). My dad and Moses carried me up into the car. Haven't physically touch my dad for quite some times; I realised when I put my shoulder around his neck. Could see all their worried faces.
So upon arrival at TTSH, registered and then waited for consultation. Moses brought Si Hui and Trier and wow, it's actually the second time talking to Si Hui. First time was kind of an awkward bus ride with Wen Shu and her hahahaha. My mum commented that Si Hui and Trier looked pretty. So yup managed to wait patiently on a wheel chair and I think we waited for around 3 hours before my name was called. Passed Colin's whatsapp message to the doctor / nurse and she said that my friend is awesome. Hahahaha. In the message was a general idea of what happened and my diagnosis sort of. So it was easy for the nurse / doctor to copy the information down. So yeah, doctor told me I'm going to be warded. And BAM, that was the first time in 21 years that I'm going to stay in a hospital. Never thought this day will come so soon.
But yeah, my brothers came to see me and brought me food. So glad to see my two brothers. That care and concern which never really appeared in the past years cause everyone grew up and care and concern wasn't a thing between brothers haha. But yeah, they asked me how I broke my shin and etc. So there I was lying in the observation room, squeezing with all the patients that just came in. Nurse told my mum I had to wait around 12 hours to get a ward. That would be like freaking 10am next morning? When my eldest brother was there talking to me, he suggested I go pee first so he asked one of the male nurse to allow me to pee. Lol when my brother asked "Does he need to go to the toilet and pee or what?" Then the male nurse just went pointing at my bed saying "Pee here". So he passed me this odd looking bottle and helped me shift my body to the side of the bed so I could pee. Felt SO USELESS. But yeah the pee's colour was never so dark in my life before. Hahaha.
But oh well, my family members left at around 10. And I was left all alone. With strangers who were patients, strangers who were nurses, strangers who were visitors. It was just so crowded, over 20 trolley bed in such a confined space. The nurses have to move the trolley bed around like tetris. Like there was one old man on my left with some issues with the brain and one young 18 yo guy who had some abdominal problem on my right. And in front of me was another uncle in mid 50s who tapped my leg and said I was blocking him from putting down the side bar. I said sorry and he merely gave me a smile and said in Chinese "Very squeezy hor?" And I was like "ya lor". It was around 11+pm, so I tried to sleep and hopefully when I woke up it's time for operation or something. It was really dragging too long, been more than 36 hours since the fracture and I was worried whether it was taking too long for the operation. Just when I was about to fall asleep, someone was tapping me on my shoulder. Woke up and saw Si Hui's face. Hahaha talked to her for awhile and she kept comforting me saying everything's gonna be fine. I don't know why but I think words from a doctor at that point of time seemed more powerful and trustworthy.
So yeahhhh. I got woken up at around 2+am or 3am (yes you're right with some knee jerk reflex in between my sleep so I didn't sleep well) I can't really remember. And they told me there was space upstairs already. So they pushed me up with two nurses. Got out from the observation room with some difficulty because it's just too squeezy. You know the phone game "Unblock me"? Yeah if you know that's generally how squeezy it is but instead of cars / buses, it was the trolley beds lolol. Went to 12th storey and they temporarily placed me on a corridor (what they call a corridor bed lol). So I went up and then slept. Woke up at around 5am I think, my mind was tired. Tired from thinking so much and tired from the 24/7 pain my leg is giving my body. It really felt better to stay awake because if I fell asleep and the knee jerk reflex happened again, I would be screaming in pain. So forced myself awake. Can't wait for the clock to strike 7am because that's the time when doctors start coming in. It was around 6.40+ and suddenly from the corner of my eyes, saw Si Hui walking towards me. Like wowwwww, feels so good to see someone familiar (not saying I know Si Hui for very long). But somehow it felt really good to know someone who is working there. Hahaha, chit-chat a little and the nurses let me know that I'm going to have my IM nailing done today. Ate my medicine at around 7am and that was the last thing I put in my mouth until the OP.
It was around 10+am and one of the nurse asked me whether I wanted to contact anyone before my OP. I was thinking to myself "Finally, OPERATION!" So I told the nurse just inform my mother or call my home number. She told me both numbers didn't work and then I was like "So I guess no one is going to know I'm being pushed in for surgery now?" And indeed, no one was there to talk to me before my surgery. Hahaha I always thought it would be like how it would be in dramas. Like before the OP someone would follow you beside and then leave you when it is the out of bound area. LOL think too much. But yeah, they started IV-dripping me. Randomly injecting liquid through the IV tube. I don't even know. So I was at this waiting area just right outside the operation room. The General Anesthesia (GA) doctor was briefing me on the risk of GA and how I would feel etc etc. Asked whether I had any tooth dropping. Explaining to me that they would have to insert a tube down my throat during GA because I can't breathe after getting the GA. The way he explained it made the whole thing seemed quite scary hahaha. So after briefing me finally they pushed me into the operation room. Stared at all the people around me. I think there was like 5 - 6 people can't really remember. So it started with the mask, the surgeon asked me to breathe normally first. I was starting to feel light headed (little high). Like the dizziness you feel after not smoking for days and then you smoke again. So was quite high la then after that they started injecting more random liquid into my blood stream through the IV tube. Then the doctor asked me to take three deep breaths. I could only recall taking two.....
And bam I woke up from the operation. First question I asked when I woke up was what time it was. It was around 2+pm and I had a 3 hour operation. Like what Khairul said, GA was the best sleep ever. I must agree because the past few sleep kept having knee jerk reflex and it's so stupid. So saw Kenny and Ivan and my Mum. It felt really good to see them again. And yeah, that was the end of my operation and I had a huge dressing on my leg. Tried moving my feet and they felt alright. Didn't really feel any pain, it's more of numbness and it felt really really heavy. Like two times heavier. And I was really worried it's due to the IM rod they placed inside. But it's not actually hahaha.
Hospitalisation
Yeah so it was a Thursday afternoon when my surgery ended. Spend my next 2 1/2 days in the hospital. So yeah generally 2 nights. It felt so miserable when there wasn't anyone around. Okay not really miserable, just very bored. Being in the same ward as 4 other patient. Of which all 4 of them were at least twice my age or maybe even thrice. Didn't really talk to any of them, just observe what they were doing. The one directly opposite me always sitting on a chair using his phone. The one on his left was initially quite a young dude like 30+. But he was going to be discharged soon. Saw his discharge on the 2nd day and came another old man. So yeah, 5 beds, 4 old men and 1 me. I was quite envious of the young dude's discharge. Like when is it going to be my turn. I know it's only a few days but it was really quite tiring to stay in the hospital. It's mentally draining. Then there was this old man who couldn't control his bowels. And he shat all over his bed. Quite sad. And there was this one beside me who kept asking for food because he's hungry. But he cannot eat because he's going for some abdominal x-ray. And he keeps spamming the "call nurse" button. Like really spamming. During one of the lunch time, he saw everyone being served with the hospital food (which tasted like crap), and he was annoyed like why he don't have food. BUT THE NURSE ALREADY EXPLAINED TO HIM. But he just keeps shouting MI SII MI SII. Quite annoying but yeah, in the end I talked to him when I was about to be discharged. Talked to him in the most broken hokkien ever hahaha. He was 76 and had a stroke and fell I think. From what I can understand in hokkien.
Yeah so these hospitalisation period was really a very new experience for me. Felt like nurses was a very brave occupation (like what I told Ange). You have to take care of old people's daily lives. Like changing clothes, bathing, peeing, shitting, eating, drinking, taking medicine. It's really not easy especially if the patients treat you badly. Some nurses are really very nice, some just can't wait to finish work. I guess any kind of job there would be two extreme people.
And yeap so on the day after the operation, a therapist came and she asked me to try walking in crutches. So it was like a test sort of (which I didn't know). If I could walk effortlessly and if I could go up a curb and go down a curb like those in the toilet, she would write something on a paper. I'm glad I did quite well because the very next day after the therapist tested me, my surgeon and doctors came and asked whether I wanted to be discharged. One of the doctor helped to take out my dressing (which was obviously not a doctor's job). Oh ya I forgot to talk about the dressing. The first night after the operation, I was bleeding. The dressing turned red. Almost the size of half my calf was red in colour. It was so bad that my pillow case became red too. But to be honest it wasn't really that pain. Or rather there was no pain which I would expect since there was so much bleeding. And yeah so when the doctor took out the dressing, I was expecting a very bloody leg. Turns out there was just 4 big plasters wtf. TECHNOLOGY. So the nurses came to clean my wound while the doctor stood beside. And he looked at my wound and said "You wanna get discharged?" I immediately replied "Yes please." And bam, he allowed me to be discharged on that saturday and I was so happy. Because I just felt that this place wasn't for me. Like everyone was much older and you just know that you're too young to belong there kind of feeling.
HOME SWEET HOME.
It has been 7 days since I got home. Went to Hougang polyclinic twice to get my plaster changed and my wound cleaned. The swelling has subsided steadily everyday but sometimes the pain don't subside with the swelling. The ankle and knee was the stiffest thing ever. Don't even know whether I'm supposed to start putting weight on my injured leg now. Have been lying in the same position for the past 7 days. Legs elevated to let the blood drain away using gravity. Been trying to get rid of the stiffness in the ankle and knee. Knee wasn't that bad. I could bend almost 100 - 110 degrees already? But it hurts more than the ankle. The ankle I cannot really bend properly, max is 85-90 degrees. Kept stretching constantly hopefully remove the stiffness. But right now everytime I sit for too long, and then I stand up, I could feel all the blood rushing to my left leg. And it would hurt damn badly. Pulsating pain. Swollen pain. As if your leg is going to explode. Like you don't know how swollen a leg can feel until you put your feet down. It's really hard for me to describe haha. But like what the angmoh blog posted, I need to psyched myself to go to the toilet or to go and bathe because the pain is so bad when my feet is vertical (not elevated with two pillows) But it's starting to get better I feel. The pain last less long but it's still as pain whenever I stand up straight. Can't wait to see my physio on Monday. Been really curious on what I should do in this period of time. So curious that I've to ask Daryl, one of my friend who had similar Tibia and Fibula fracture just that he's was open fracture. He said that mine seemed less jia lat which I couldn't agree more hahaha. So yeahhhhhhhh. This is one of the longest post I've ever typed. Since I got nothing to do. Congrats on reading to the end. LOL.
Will have short updates here and there. See you guys!
Imma come back strong nigga.
Just woke up and it's 8.19am right now.
The tramadol I took (some pain killer) causing me to have this headache that feels like hangover.
It's really annoying.
Anyway, the shin isn't getting better steadily everyday.
It just feels less stiff but the pain isn't getting away slowly.
Sometimes the pain was more pain than the day before.
And I always wonder what am I eating wrong or what am I doing wrong.
Since I really have a lot of time, I'm just going to blog about what happened all over again.
So if you all haven't already knew, I broke my tibia and fibula (both the shin bones) while climbing in Qing Dao. So I shall start from Day 0, the day of accident.
ACCIDENT DAY 15/12/15
So it was really the most unexpected thing that could happen. Nobody expected my leg to go beneath and had such an awkward landing. The image of my 45 degrees twisted shin and the sound of the shin bone breaking in low pitch; it will just randomly be projected in my mind . And it really still scares me when I think about it. So yup, straight away after I started shouting in pain, every single person crowded around me. Tossing jackets over my body, covering the wind by standing in
a wall-like circle around me. The pain subsided quite quickly, it felt numb after awhile and I could think normally. And the first few thoughts that came to my mind "Is this a fucking dream? If not, why me? How long am I going to take before I can climb? What's my parents going to think about this? Can I still walk? How much is the operation going to be? How long is the fucking paramedic gong to let me wait?" There was just so much thoughts that you just have to shake it off. And I looked at all the worried faces around me and since I wasn't in such pain, better smile and fight this positively. Don't wanna let them worry about me. So yeah, kind of just lit a cigarette and it felt like one of the best thing then. People around me keep encouraging me and distracting me from my pain. Gwen was playing xiao xin yun, na xie nian and na xie nian de xiao xin yun (mash up) on her phone. It's really quite funny. I have a broken shin but I'm like listening to music and chilling. Really thanks to every single one of them who comforted me.
And yup, the long-awaited paramedics came and they splinted me before putting me up on the stretcher. The splinting was fucking pain. When they tighten the splint, I could feel my bones overlapping and shifting. It was SO PAINFUL. A lot of people asked how pain is it. I think the best I could describe to them was imagine you have a very bad bruise. Like maybe you accidentally kick your shin on something or you fall down and landed on your shin. So you have that bruise on your shin right, imagine the world's strongest climber pinching on your bruise. And the pain will resonate through the whole body. It felt like the pain was distributed with all the nerves in the body because if it didn't I think I would have fainted. So yeah, they put me on a stretcher with my splinted legs and then stretcher-carried me up to the road. I know it wasn't an easy to do because I remember being evacuating one of my man in Brunei with a few other guys. The terrain was so bad as compared to there. Sometimes I would shout on the stretcher while on the way to the road because my ankle is facing vertically upwards. Then they have to slowly put my ankle back to an angle where it won't hurt so much. So yeah I finally reached the ambulance and I thought the pain was finally over. But nope.
So up on the ambulance, when the driver drove, it felt like I could feel every pebble and stones on the road that we were on. The whole journey was bumpy and shaky. And it was a pretty long ride if I don't remember wrongly. I'm starting to feel tired but I couldn't sleep cause the bumps were keeping me awake. And that scene in the ambulance was also stuck in my head. On my right it was Dayna, on my left it was Colin. They kept comforting me when the road bumped or when the driver break too hard. Because all these causes pain. So yeah, just listened to the periodic siren and slowly, it was the end of the ambulance journey. I've reached the hospital.
So at the hospital, they transferred me to a trolley bed where I was pushed into the hospital. It was cold. My feet was cold. Even the hospital inside was cold at certain places. They immediately pushed me to one of the A&E rooms I supposed. A china doctor stared at me and my left leg. Asked for my name and age, asked how I got the injury. Asked me whether I could feel his finger on my toes and whether I could move them. Asked me where the pain was coming from etc etc. So he asked me to go take x-ray first and then colin, josh ko, dayna and ferran accompanied me almost throughout the time in the hospital. So the 4 of them pushed me towards the x-ray place. And on the way, while we were making a turn, there was another trolley with a patient pushing in the opposite direction as them. However, the blanket covered the whole patient, all the way, covering the face too. And I was like damn. It's like I'm already so overwhelmed with emotions and then a dead guy was pushed past me. It hit me so hard. And I was really thinking "I'm actually fortunate that only my leg is broken, I'm alive." Just a surge of emotions there and then. So yeah, went to the x-ray department of the hospital and dude, the x-ray registration wasn't even opened yet. It's 12+ in the noon. ????????????
So waited for awhile and then yeah went to took my x-ray. And Colin have to be the one helping me to lift my left leg while my right leg is on the x-ray table to shift me from the trolley bed to the table. Because the doctor said in Chinese "Your right leg is not injured right? Try moving yourself." Fuck off. Try breaking a shin and I tell you your the other leg could fly. Stupid doctor. So yeahhhhhhhhh managed to take an x-ray of my tibia and fibula and my ankle. So everyone kept using this trick "You want the good news or the bad news first?" GOOD NEWS HIS ANKLE IS PERFECTLY FINE! *Shows the ankle x-ray* BAD NEWS IS *lifts up the tibia x-ray* and everyone who sees the x-ray of my tibia and fibula be like oh fucking shittttttttttttttt. Hahhaha.
After taking the x-ray, I was pushed to the 6th floor where I have to decide whether to do operation here or to go back singapore and do. Doing in China would extend my stay here and that would definitely worry my parents so much. And on a side note, even the China doctor discouraged me to do IM nailing here because of infection risk. Lol. I could still remember Colin looking at me saying "You wanna do the OPs here or back in SG? If you do it here, higher risk. If you do it in SG, less risk. And so what they gonna do is to cast you up and we'll get you a flight back to SG asap. You're 21 already, decision is up to you." I'm 21 already, decision is up to me. Never felt so independent before. It's like I cannot ask my parents to decide for me. It was really a new feeling. So after some considerations, I just decided to cast it here and do operation back in SG. Probably the best decision ever because looking back, I think I might risk amputating my left leg if there was infection with the operation procedure in China. So we told the doctors my decision and so they decided to cast me on the spot. The casting process was said to be "Cowboy style" by one of the nurse in Singapore. Because there was no anesthesia or pain killers. And so the doctor twisted and pull my shin and idk what fuck he do but it was the most painful experience ever. It was the most pain I felt in my entire life so far. IT WAS SO PAINFUL that I shouted so loud. That when I opened my eyes after they finished casting, I see three storeys of chinese eyes staring at me. And I was like "Wow, dem Audience." And I literally looked at them and shouted "WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" And they started leaving LOL. It was really damn funny. But yeah, I guess it's one of the manliest story to tell people when I go socializing with new people I guess. HAHAHA. So yeah, after casting me, Rocker and Mun Yuan came too. Rocker sent me back to the hostel in his car. Was smoking before Rocker got his car. Because I deserve one stick after that fight with the pain. It was really a right. I dare not say I win the fight because it still scars me.
So went back to the hostel and then had my last night of my trip stuck in my room. But the nice thing is my room became like a ward. People slowly come and visit me and talk to me. And you see different cliques of people getting together because of this incident. Must have say the team kind of got closer after my incident? Hahaha I feel la. So at that point of time when I was lying down on the bed with the cast on my leg, I could finally rest my mind and recall the whole day. And when I think of the pain and the scene of my twisted shin, I teared. And I realised I've been holding on to my emotions the whole day. And it came rushing back at me the moment I think back. But still, I'm so glad it's going to be over once I go back to the warmth of Singapore (literally). And I slept, awaiting the next day's flight to Singapore.
Woke up feeling very tired because of the painful sleep. It's painful because in the middle of the night, I would randomly kick my injured leg (Dreaming) and I would be like AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ADGADFGASFSDA FUCK. It happens too often for me to have a comfortable sleep lol. But oh well Sun's out and I'm heading back to Singapore myself. The thought of sitting in the plane myself was quite scary too. So yeah my batch mates sent me off together with Rocker and wow I'm on my way back to Singapore! And after I waved good bye to them, I was going to be alone. I felt so vulnerable. I was in a cast, I couldn't move. The air stewardess could just push me somewhere and kidnap me. Lol that thought went through my mind. Everything felt uneasy, I'm alone, in CHINA. But one thing made me relaxed and think that I'm in safe hands. The air stewardess who was pushing me shouted to a crowd in front of me "Rang lu yi xia. Qing jie guo!" Everyone turned and look at me and then all of them shifted. And I could hear the crowd mumbling in Chinese "move in abit move in abit". It's heartening to see that China people aren't all as bad as we think they are. That was actually a very touching moment. And it was time for boarding, and I was waiting right outside the entrance to the plane. Air stewardess pushed me in and I was greeted by a group of Scoots air stewardess who were Singaporeans I guess. FINALLY SINGAPOREANS. They took care of me really well, I sat three economic seats on the way back so I could keep my feet elevated. When I finally settled down on the plane, I felt so emotional again. The fact that I'm travelling back alone, the fact that the trip has to end up like that, the fact that I'm not going to be climbing for a long long time. I recalled all the happy times I had in Qing Dao and I slowly drifted into sleep. Still tired from all that had happened.
And I'm finally in Singapore! And apart from a few knee jerk reflex that woke me up on the plane, all was well. The feeling when the wheels of the plane touched the runway. Just wow. Then I waited patiently for all passengers to alight whom many of them walked past me and just stared at me. I'm like thinking "yes yes, i broke my leg just move on bitches. won't heal just by staring at it". Quite annoying and yes. They pushed me on a wheelchair which cost SGD 270 towards the arrival hall. I'm at Changi Airport, I'm in Singapore! It all felt like a dream when I saw my parents. I looked up at them as I'm sitting on a wheel chair. It felt so wrong because normally I would look down since both my parents were shorter than me. I felt so glad to see my parents and also Moses who was waiting for me at the arrival hall. So together with them we headed to Tan Tock Seng Hospital (TTSH). My dad and Moses carried me up into the car. Haven't physically touch my dad for quite some times; I realised when I put my shoulder around his neck. Could see all their worried faces.
So upon arrival at TTSH, registered and then waited for consultation. Moses brought Si Hui and Trier and wow, it's actually the second time talking to Si Hui. First time was kind of an awkward bus ride with Wen Shu and her hahahaha. My mum commented that Si Hui and Trier looked pretty. So yup managed to wait patiently on a wheel chair and I think we waited for around 3 hours before my name was called. Passed Colin's whatsapp message to the doctor / nurse and she said that my friend is awesome. Hahahaha. In the message was a general idea of what happened and my diagnosis sort of. So it was easy for the nurse / doctor to copy the information down. So yeah, doctor told me I'm going to be warded. And BAM, that was the first time in 21 years that I'm going to stay in a hospital. Never thought this day will come so soon.
But yeah, my brothers came to see me and brought me food. So glad to see my two brothers. That care and concern which never really appeared in the past years cause everyone grew up and care and concern wasn't a thing between brothers haha. But yeah, they asked me how I broke my shin and etc. So there I was lying in the observation room, squeezing with all the patients that just came in. Nurse told my mum I had to wait around 12 hours to get a ward. That would be like freaking 10am next morning? When my eldest brother was there talking to me, he suggested I go pee first so he asked one of the male nurse to allow me to pee. Lol when my brother asked "Does he need to go to the toilet and pee or what?" Then the male nurse just went pointing at my bed saying "Pee here". So he passed me this odd looking bottle and helped me shift my body to the side of the bed so I could pee. Felt SO USELESS. But yeah the pee's colour was never so dark in my life before. Hahaha.
But oh well, my family members left at around 10. And I was left all alone. With strangers who were patients, strangers who were nurses, strangers who were visitors. It was just so crowded, over 20 trolley bed in such a confined space. The nurses have to move the trolley bed around like tetris. Like there was one old man on my left with some issues with the brain and one young 18 yo guy who had some abdominal problem on my right. And in front of me was another uncle in mid 50s who tapped my leg and said I was blocking him from putting down the side bar. I said sorry and he merely gave me a smile and said in Chinese "Very squeezy hor?" And I was like "ya lor". It was around 11+pm, so I tried to sleep and hopefully when I woke up it's time for operation or something. It was really dragging too long, been more than 36 hours since the fracture and I was worried whether it was taking too long for the operation. Just when I was about to fall asleep, someone was tapping me on my shoulder. Woke up and saw Si Hui's face. Hahaha talked to her for awhile and she kept comforting me saying everything's gonna be fine. I don't know why but I think words from a doctor at that point of time seemed more powerful and trustworthy.
So yeahhhh. I got woken up at around 2+am or 3am (yes you're right with some knee jerk reflex in between my sleep so I didn't sleep well) I can't really remember. And they told me there was space upstairs already. So they pushed me up with two nurses. Got out from the observation room with some difficulty because it's just too squeezy. You know the phone game "Unblock me"? Yeah if you know that's generally how squeezy it is but instead of cars / buses, it was the trolley beds lolol. Went to 12th storey and they temporarily placed me on a corridor (what they call a corridor bed lol). So I went up and then slept. Woke up at around 5am I think, my mind was tired. Tired from thinking so much and tired from the 24/7 pain my leg is giving my body. It really felt better to stay awake because if I fell asleep and the knee jerk reflex happened again, I would be screaming in pain. So forced myself awake. Can't wait for the clock to strike 7am because that's the time when doctors start coming in. It was around 6.40+ and suddenly from the corner of my eyes, saw Si Hui walking towards me. Like wowwwww, feels so good to see someone familiar (not saying I know Si Hui for very long). But somehow it felt really good to know someone who is working there. Hahaha, chit-chat a little and the nurses let me know that I'm going to have my IM nailing done today. Ate my medicine at around 7am and that was the last thing I put in my mouth until the OP.
It was around 10+am and one of the nurse asked me whether I wanted to contact anyone before my OP. I was thinking to myself "Finally, OPERATION!" So I told the nurse just inform my mother or call my home number. She told me both numbers didn't work and then I was like "So I guess no one is going to know I'm being pushed in for surgery now?" And indeed, no one was there to talk to me before my surgery. Hahaha I always thought it would be like how it would be in dramas. Like before the OP someone would follow you beside and then leave you when it is the out of bound area. LOL think too much. But yeah, they started IV-dripping me. Randomly injecting liquid through the IV tube. I don't even know. So I was at this waiting area just right outside the operation room. The General Anesthesia (GA) doctor was briefing me on the risk of GA and how I would feel etc etc. Asked whether I had any tooth dropping. Explaining to me that they would have to insert a tube down my throat during GA because I can't breathe after getting the GA. The way he explained it made the whole thing seemed quite scary hahaha. So after briefing me finally they pushed me into the operation room. Stared at all the people around me. I think there was like 5 - 6 people can't really remember. So it started with the mask, the surgeon asked me to breathe normally first. I was starting to feel light headed (little high). Like the dizziness you feel after not smoking for days and then you smoke again. So was quite high la then after that they started injecting more random liquid into my blood stream through the IV tube. Then the doctor asked me to take three deep breaths. I could only recall taking two.....
And bam I woke up from the operation. First question I asked when I woke up was what time it was. It was around 2+pm and I had a 3 hour operation. Like what Khairul said, GA was the best sleep ever. I must agree because the past few sleep kept having knee jerk reflex and it's so stupid. So saw Kenny and Ivan and my Mum. It felt really good to see them again. And yeah, that was the end of my operation and I had a huge dressing on my leg. Tried moving my feet and they felt alright. Didn't really feel any pain, it's more of numbness and it felt really really heavy. Like two times heavier. And I was really worried it's due to the IM rod they placed inside. But it's not actually hahaha.
Hospitalisation
Yeah so it was a Thursday afternoon when my surgery ended. Spend my next 2 1/2 days in the hospital. So yeah generally 2 nights. It felt so miserable when there wasn't anyone around. Okay not really miserable, just very bored. Being in the same ward as 4 other patient. Of which all 4 of them were at least twice my age or maybe even thrice. Didn't really talk to any of them, just observe what they were doing. The one directly opposite me always sitting on a chair using his phone. The one on his left was initially quite a young dude like 30+. But he was going to be discharged soon. Saw his discharge on the 2nd day and came another old man. So yeah, 5 beds, 4 old men and 1 me. I was quite envious of the young dude's discharge. Like when is it going to be my turn. I know it's only a few days but it was really quite tiring to stay in the hospital. It's mentally draining. Then there was this old man who couldn't control his bowels. And he shat all over his bed. Quite sad. And there was this one beside me who kept asking for food because he's hungry. But he cannot eat because he's going for some abdominal x-ray. And he keeps spamming the "call nurse" button. Like really spamming. During one of the lunch time, he saw everyone being served with the hospital food (which tasted like crap), and he was annoyed like why he don't have food. BUT THE NURSE ALREADY EXPLAINED TO HIM. But he just keeps shouting MI SII MI SII. Quite annoying but yeah, in the end I talked to him when I was about to be discharged. Talked to him in the most broken hokkien ever hahaha. He was 76 and had a stroke and fell I think. From what I can understand in hokkien.
Yeah so these hospitalisation period was really a very new experience for me. Felt like nurses was a very brave occupation (like what I told Ange). You have to take care of old people's daily lives. Like changing clothes, bathing, peeing, shitting, eating, drinking, taking medicine. It's really not easy especially if the patients treat you badly. Some nurses are really very nice, some just can't wait to finish work. I guess any kind of job there would be two extreme people.
And yeap so on the day after the operation, a therapist came and she asked me to try walking in crutches. So it was like a test sort of (which I didn't know). If I could walk effortlessly and if I could go up a curb and go down a curb like those in the toilet, she would write something on a paper. I'm glad I did quite well because the very next day after the therapist tested me, my surgeon and doctors came and asked whether I wanted to be discharged. One of the doctor helped to take out my dressing (which was obviously not a doctor's job). Oh ya I forgot to talk about the dressing. The first night after the operation, I was bleeding. The dressing turned red. Almost the size of half my calf was red in colour. It was so bad that my pillow case became red too. But to be honest it wasn't really that pain. Or rather there was no pain which I would expect since there was so much bleeding. And yeah so when the doctor took out the dressing, I was expecting a very bloody leg. Turns out there was just 4 big plasters wtf. TECHNOLOGY. So the nurses came to clean my wound while the doctor stood beside. And he looked at my wound and said "You wanna get discharged?" I immediately replied "Yes please." And bam, he allowed me to be discharged on that saturday and I was so happy. Because I just felt that this place wasn't for me. Like everyone was much older and you just know that you're too young to belong there kind of feeling.
HOME SWEET HOME.
It has been 7 days since I got home. Went to Hougang polyclinic twice to get my plaster changed and my wound cleaned. The swelling has subsided steadily everyday but sometimes the pain don't subside with the swelling. The ankle and knee was the stiffest thing ever. Don't even know whether I'm supposed to start putting weight on my injured leg now. Have been lying in the same position for the past 7 days. Legs elevated to let the blood drain away using gravity. Been trying to get rid of the stiffness in the ankle and knee. Knee wasn't that bad. I could bend almost 100 - 110 degrees already? But it hurts more than the ankle. The ankle I cannot really bend properly, max is 85-90 degrees. Kept stretching constantly hopefully remove the stiffness. But right now everytime I sit for too long, and then I stand up, I could feel all the blood rushing to my left leg. And it would hurt damn badly. Pulsating pain. Swollen pain. As if your leg is going to explode. Like you don't know how swollen a leg can feel until you put your feet down. It's really hard for me to describe haha. But like what the angmoh blog posted, I need to psyched myself to go to the toilet or to go and bathe because the pain is so bad when my feet is vertical (not elevated with two pillows) But it's starting to get better I feel. The pain last less long but it's still as pain whenever I stand up straight. Can't wait to see my physio on Monday. Been really curious on what I should do in this period of time. So curious that I've to ask Daryl, one of my friend who had similar Tibia and Fibula fracture just that he's was open fracture. He said that mine seemed less jia lat which I couldn't agree more hahaha. So yeahhhhhhhh. This is one of the longest post I've ever typed. Since I got nothing to do. Congrats on reading to the end. LOL.
Will have short updates here and there. See you guys!
Imma come back strong nigga.
Thursday, December 24, 2015
Limit
As much as you're able to take this pain and immobility.
It sometimes hit you hard.
So hard that it might make you fall.
And you only have yourself to pick it all up.
And that's when the limit changes.
It fucking hurts.
Im sleeping early tonight.
Merry xmas.
It sometimes hit you hard.
So hard that it might make you fall.
And you only have yourself to pick it all up.
And that's when the limit changes.
It fucking hurts.
Im sleeping early tonight.
Merry xmas.
If you have nothing to do
and wondering how my life is since the fracture, take a read at this guy's wordpress.
80-90% of the things I can relate.
https://jakemcmillan.wordpress.com/2010/03/05/me-and-my-intramedullary-nail/
I might make a post myself too soon :)
80-90% of the things I can relate.
https://jakemcmillan.wordpress.com/2010/03/05/me-and-my-intramedullary-nail/
I might make a post myself too soon :)
Pain
It hurts less if I allow my mind to think so.
Literally.
It's amazing lol.
It's been 9 days since fracture.
Pain is not subsiding.
It's actually increasing.
I've no idea.
But swelling is less.
And hopefully the pain can slowly go away too.
GUARDSMANNNNNNNN
Fuck, been through tougher shit right.
Hahaha.
Literally.
It's amazing lol.
It's been 9 days since fracture.
Pain is not subsiding.
It's actually increasing.
I've no idea.
But swelling is less.
And hopefully the pain can slowly go away too.
GUARDSMANNNNNNNN
Fuck, been through tougher shit right.
Hahaha.
Sunday, December 20, 2015
Found myself in tears
I know im weak.
But it was really traumatising when i think back.
That sound.
That scene.
That pain.
But it was really traumatising when i think back.
That sound.
That scene.
That pain.
Saturday, December 19, 2015
Memories of 2015
I mean it's really quite obvious as to why it's a memory hahaha .
Well couldn't blog from qingdao side about anything about my life there.
But I must say I really love the weather there.
The people there..... Hmmm.....
Hahahaha .
But yeah really awesome 5 days for me (supposed to be 10 days)
Let's just really summarized the trip and not just talk about the sad part.
Natural climbing was really so amazing! It brings the feel of being so primal. Like we are the first people to start climbing. The art of climbing just unveiled itself as the day goes by. Skin gets more and more raw as the day goes by but it also gets harder and harder. Rock feels like ice. Everything was ice cold. It feels like putting your hand in the freezer and try to crimp some shit haha. Well the hardest route I've sent was a v5. It was quite easy actually HAHAHA . Or rather on form that day. Love big tiles big pinches.
So yeah it was really shortly after this v5 route that i tried before going to try that v6 route which caused me to be in this state now.
But again I shall talk about my injury later.
So yeah we had a couple of resting in between our climbs. Most of the time sun sets around 5+ so it becomes really really dark at like 6pm. So dinner was always early haha. Went to random cafes throughout the trip and I was thinking I might actually start to drink coffee because of that. But too bad I came back earlier. LOL.
Had really great bonding sessions with my batch mates. All of us were together throughout the trip. Except for mac who's always with the strong people. Hahahaha . Just kidding. But yeah really enjoyed myself. Okay the doctor just pulled out my dressing. Wew so much blood. So yeah really enjoyed myself throughout the trip. Both climbing time and non climbing time
It really sucks to know that I've got to come back earlier, can't enjoy my full holiday, can't climb for some time and a lot more other sad consequences ah. Okay i go charge my phone before i continue blogging.
Yup im back.
But yeah like what dayna told me about how much you'll learn about yourself and the people around me.
It really was interesting.
Everyone was really that caring.
And you could also see in some people's face that some are more worried than others.
Hahaha
But yeah now exploring parts of myself that I've never reached before.
So yupppp gonna talk about my injury itself.
So had a really awkward landing while climbing.
Feet never step on mat.
And prakkkk.
That was the sound of my tibia breaking lol.
At that moment of shock, i just kept shouting and screaming.
The scene of the flabby shin is still stuck in my head.
The shock was more overwhelming than the pain.
So just kept shouting.
It felt really natural hahaha .
So yeah after much shouting, managed to calm down. So waited for paramedics to come.
They came around 30 mins later and manage to bring me to the hospital ( with a lot of pain on the way)
Yeah so this comes the fked up part.
They had to cast my leg.
So my shin was not aligned and hrs had to align me.
So the doctor stared at me and started saying yi er san. Then he just twist and pull my legs as if i wasn't supposed to feel any pains.
I shouted so loud that the whole hospital watched the doctors cast me. (this whole thing happened near a lift lobby)
Lolol.
So yeah after they casted me.
I chose to go back to the hostel.
At least i could see my friends hahaha .
So yup from there i took the next morning flight back to sg myself.
Then operate the next day without anyone being informed.
It was really quite an emotional 48 hours for me ah.
Like really thoughts about anything can come in anytime.
But it was fine.
My introverted self took it like a man.
LOL.
So yeah, gonna get discharged today.
Finally get to go home and chill.
Can't wait to start walking on crutches again.
It was quite fun hahaha .
At least i could move.
Oh ya there's like some self injected morphine for myself.
So if i feel pain i press this button and morphine will be injected to me haha.
Quite cool.
Quite nice also.
Lolol.
Likka drug addict.
But yeah, gonna get home soon!
Maybe have a better update.
See you guys!
Thanks all for the concern.
Be it being there for me physically or just dropping me a text, im happy to know people actually care haha.
Yup!!!
Gonna rest abit and wait for discharge. See ya guys
Well couldn't blog from qingdao side about anything about my life there.
But I must say I really love the weather there.
The people there..... Hmmm.....
Hahahaha .
But yeah really awesome 5 days for me (supposed to be 10 days)
Let's just really summarized the trip and not just talk about the sad part.
Natural climbing was really so amazing! It brings the feel of being so primal. Like we are the first people to start climbing. The art of climbing just unveiled itself as the day goes by. Skin gets more and more raw as the day goes by but it also gets harder and harder. Rock feels like ice. Everything was ice cold. It feels like putting your hand in the freezer and try to crimp some shit haha. Well the hardest route I've sent was a v5. It was quite easy actually HAHAHA . Or rather on form that day. Love big tiles big pinches.
So yeah it was really shortly after this v5 route that i tried before going to try that v6 route which caused me to be in this state now.
But again I shall talk about my injury later.
So yeah we had a couple of resting in between our climbs. Most of the time sun sets around 5+ so it becomes really really dark at like 6pm. So dinner was always early haha. Went to random cafes throughout the trip and I was thinking I might actually start to drink coffee because of that. But too bad I came back earlier. LOL.
Had really great bonding sessions with my batch mates. All of us were together throughout the trip. Except for mac who's always with the strong people. Hahahaha . Just kidding. But yeah really enjoyed myself. Okay the doctor just pulled out my dressing. Wew so much blood. So yeah really enjoyed myself throughout the trip. Both climbing time and non climbing time
It really sucks to know that I've got to come back earlier, can't enjoy my full holiday, can't climb for some time and a lot more other sad consequences ah. Okay i go charge my phone before i continue blogging.
Yup im back.
But yeah like what dayna told me about how much you'll learn about yourself and the people around me.
It really was interesting.
Everyone was really that caring.
And you could also see in some people's face that some are more worried than others.
Hahaha
But yeah now exploring parts of myself that I've never reached before.
So yupppp gonna talk about my injury itself.
So had a really awkward landing while climbing.
Feet never step on mat.
And prakkkk.
That was the sound of my tibia breaking lol.
At that moment of shock, i just kept shouting and screaming.
The scene of the flabby shin is still stuck in my head.
The shock was more overwhelming than the pain.
So just kept shouting.
It felt really natural hahaha .
So yeah after much shouting, managed to calm down. So waited for paramedics to come.
They came around 30 mins later and manage to bring me to the hospital ( with a lot of pain on the way)
Yeah so this comes the fked up part.
They had to cast my leg.
So my shin was not aligned and hrs had to align me.
So the doctor stared at me and started saying yi er san. Then he just twist and pull my legs as if i wasn't supposed to feel any pains.
I shouted so loud that the whole hospital watched the doctors cast me. (this whole thing happened near a lift lobby)
Lolol.
So yeah after they casted me.
I chose to go back to the hostel.
At least i could see my friends hahaha .
So yup from there i took the next morning flight back to sg myself.
Then operate the next day without anyone being informed.
It was really quite an emotional 48 hours for me ah.
Like really thoughts about anything can come in anytime.
But it was fine.
My introverted self took it like a man.
LOL.
So yeah, gonna get discharged today.
Finally get to go home and chill.
Can't wait to start walking on crutches again.
It was quite fun hahaha .
At least i could move.
Oh ya there's like some self injected morphine for myself.
So if i feel pain i press this button and morphine will be injected to me haha.
Quite cool.
Quite nice also.
Lolol.
Likka drug addict.
But yeah, gonna get home soon!
Maybe have a better update.
See you guys!
Thanks all for the concern.
Be it being there for me physically or just dropping me a text, im happy to know people actually care haha.
Yup!!!
Gonna rest abit and wait for discharge. See ya guys
Friday, December 11, 2015
Qing Dao
Alright guyzzzz.
It's time to leave Singapore for Qing Dao.
Quite tired because of work this morning hahahaha .
Had a great catch up with jonlimbk.
Talking about shit during work.
AND YUP!
QING DAO IS FINALLY HERE.
After much awaiting.
All the bull shit studying for finals.
Gonna enjoy myself there!
Hopefully I don't die of cold.
And nah , don't think I'm gonna climb as hard cause of my shoulder.
But definitely climb happy!
Like what han and wenshu say hahaha.
Alrightttt hopefully I can blog everyday with a photo.
Let's hope I don't get lazy!
Yupppp so see you all in 10 days!
Enjoy the warmth of the equator.
Bye!!
It's time to leave Singapore for Qing Dao.
Quite tired because of work this morning hahahaha .
Had a great catch up with jonlimbk.
Talking about shit during work.
AND YUP!
QING DAO IS FINALLY HERE.
After much awaiting.
All the bull shit studying for finals.
Gonna enjoy myself there!
Hopefully I don't die of cold.
And nah , don't think I'm gonna climb as hard cause of my shoulder.
But definitely climb happy!
Like what han and wenshu say hahaha.
Alrightttt hopefully I can blog everyday with a photo.
Let's hope I don't get lazy!
Yupppp so see you all in 10 days!
Enjoy the warmth of the equator.
Bye!!
Tuesday, December 8, 2015
Acupuncture
Hello guys.
Yesterday went shopping for qing dao stuffs with my mum.
Hahaha had monster curry for lunch.
Bought a jacket and a fleece pants.
Then afterwards went to tampines and LEPAK.
How long never lepak already.
Yeah so went there and walked around.
Went arcade.
LOL damn long never jubeat with weilun.
Yup so anyway met Andy at TM and then had dinner with him at kopitiam.
Only ate a bowl of chendol cause I was quite full from the monster curry.
Yeahhhh so headed to TCM at around 8pm and went to find Huang Yi Shi.
Well that's just andy's sister haha.
So I was her last patient and I told her about my shoulder.
And then she asked "you wanna do acupuncture?"
And I said yeah sure.
But in my mind I was a little fucking scared.
HAHAHAHA .
So yeah, it was my first experience with TCM and it was actually very interesting.
Minus the fact that it felt dam weird with 9 needles in your shoulder.
And the electric pulse that simulate the moving of the needle.
With some infrared heating on my shoulder.
And I asked, "Actually how does acupuncture works?"
She tried explaining but in the end she just, "Actually I'm also not very sure. But it works la!"
LOLOL .
So yup, I guess this acupuncture experience was worth blogging so yup.
Here's a post.
Yeahhhh gonna climb now!
Happy birthday Andy and Jon (cena)!!!
QDQDQD
Yesterday went shopping for qing dao stuffs with my mum.
Hahaha had monster curry for lunch.
Bought a jacket and a fleece pants.
Then afterwards went to tampines and LEPAK.
How long never lepak already.
Yeah so went there and walked around.
Went arcade.
LOL damn long never jubeat with weilun.
Yup so anyway met Andy at TM and then had dinner with him at kopitiam.
Only ate a bowl of chendol cause I was quite full from the monster curry.
Yeahhhh so headed to TCM at around 8pm and went to find Huang Yi Shi.
Well that's just andy's sister haha.
So I was her last patient and I told her about my shoulder.
And then she asked "you wanna do acupuncture?"
And I said yeah sure.
But in my mind I was a little fucking scared.
HAHAHAHA .
So yeah, it was my first experience with TCM and it was actually very interesting.
Minus the fact that it felt dam weird with 9 needles in your shoulder.
And the electric pulse that simulate the moving of the needle.
With some infrared heating on my shoulder.
And I asked, "Actually how does acupuncture works?"
She tried explaining but in the end she just, "Actually I'm also not very sure. But it works la!"
LOLOL .
So yup, I guess this acupuncture experience was worth blogging so yup.
Here's a post.
Yeahhhh gonna climb now!
Happy birthday Andy and Jon (cena)!!!
QDQDQD
Saturday, December 5, 2015
Undying Platoon
Hahaha tho I'm not in the photo but I think this one of the nicest photo of our platoon.
To my dearest platoon 3, the undying platoon,
it was really heartening to see all of you stand on Victory Square just now.
Brought back so much memories of the times we had back in service.
Really very glad to see each and everyone of you in your number 1.
Standing proud in front of your loved ones.
Thinking back, it was really a very very tough journey for all of you.
All of you were the reasons why I wanted to sign on back then (still thinking).
Having each and everyone of you in my platoon was the happiest thing I can ask for as a PC.
As much as there were so many problems I faced as a young NSF officer, I swear I've learnt so much things from all of you.
I really enjoyed my journey as I thought back.
It's finally you guys' turn to ORD.
And you'll be collecting your lost MIA Pink IC in just a week's time.
Some longer, some already taken.
Hopefully you all remember all the memories and bonds forged through this 2 years.
All the things I've said or I've nagged about each and everyone of you weren't just for NS.
It applies to the things you do in the future as civilians.
Keep in contact with each other.
These people are those that seen you in your shittiest moments in life.
They are one of the "realest" friends you would ever make.
And now after you ORD, don't you think that all these sufferings are worth it in the end?
All the tough times covered in mud and camo, definitely worth it when you see your parents and loved ones staring at you with their proud face.
My son has done well.
My son is a guardsman.
My son is now a man.
Love it or hate it, your NS days are finally over.
All these are just going to be memories as time goes on.
You'll be telling these stories to your kids next time and your kids will be proud to tell their friends that his/her father is a guardsman.
Hahahaha.
My final words to all of you:
Everyone of you is going different ways. You might meet up or you might not. This is the reality of life. Everyone has their own life to lead. Be it being a businessman, a policeman, a cleaner or whatever shit you are doing in the future, always remember that you were once a guardsman. To be honest, I felt very disgusted by the fact that I was studying. I felt so stress at times in Uni. And going back to camp that day for the briefing makes me feel alive. Talking to you all made me cleared my mind off the shit that I'm doing. I remembered I was very stress one day and I was ranting on my blog. And SGT Joshua came and comment on my blog post. This was what he wrote:
Sir, it is definitely much harder to find true friendships or have honest/straightforward working relationships with others in uni because the army is just too different from uni and we suffer together so much more in guards than in uni. but you have to believe that you are studying hard for a brighter future; this 4 years is as tough as or even tougher than GCC, but once you pass out you'll be really proud of yourself and it'll be worth every suffering you have to go through, whether it's shitty group mates or getting turned out in the middle of the night. I know we can go through this 4 years just like how we survived guards. We rule the modules, and we rule the projects. Always ready.
I was sincerely very shocked when I read it. And I couldn't agree more. Life is just like GCC. The sufferings never ends, just like GCC. When you are feeling low or down in the future, always remember that you've survived tough times. Use this strength in you to get past whatever obstacles that come in your way. And I'm pretty sure you will get through alright!
Hahahaha.
I was really quite emotional when I saw you all march past just now.
Every face I see when you all take a step forward, reminded me of all the times (good and bad) that we've been through together.
And I'm so happy for all of you that you all are finally ORD-ing.
I swear me and m'am was almost going to tear.
Hahahaha.
So yeahhhhhhhh!
ORD LO!
It's time to move on to a new phase of life.
Please don't eat so much and get fat.
Continue to exercise and keep fit.
And till then, we'll see each other in 758 guards!
MOB MANNING????
ALWAYS READY,
READY TO STRIKE!
READY TO STRIKE!
-Undying PC :)
Wednesday, December 2, 2015
YY house
Hello all!
Just came back from YY's house.
Had an enjoyable time there.
It's been so long since I drank hahaha.
But yeah, really enjoyed myself with my batch mates.
Hope we have more batch gatherings like this.
Hahaha.
Thanks YY for organising and opening your house for us.
Really appreciated!
Everything was fine except for the satay patty.
How I wish it really was like a patty.
Hahahaha.
It doesn't taste that nice anyway.
But the nice thing is everyone gathered around the pit when we were cooking.
Like no one was alone sitting and using the phone.
Hahaha.
#unplugged.
Really can't wait to go Qing Dao with these guys.
And today I went to swim.
Kind of effective rehab for my shoulder.
First lap hurted though.
But after that it became very natural.
Swam a total of 20 laps.
1 km.
AISEH.
Guardsman eh.
LOL
So yeah, tomorrow going back to SUNTEC to work!!!.
So excited.
Hope to see my friends there.
Then can talk cock hahaha.
Okay need to wake up tml morning.
Good night guys!
Mac and Jovin allez for the last paper! :)
Just came back from YY's house.
Had an enjoyable time there.
It's been so long since I drank hahaha.
But yeah, really enjoyed myself with my batch mates.
Hope we have more batch gatherings like this.
Hahaha.
Thanks YY for organising and opening your house for us.
Really appreciated!
Everything was fine except for the satay patty.
How I wish it really was like a patty.
Hahahaha.
It doesn't taste that nice anyway.
But the nice thing is everyone gathered around the pit when we were cooking.
Like no one was alone sitting and using the phone.
Hahaha.
#unplugged.
Really can't wait to go Qing Dao with these guys.
And today I went to swim.
Kind of effective rehab for my shoulder.
First lap hurted though.
But after that it became very natural.
Swam a total of 20 laps.
1 km.
AISEH.
Guardsman eh.
LOL
So yeah, tomorrow going back to SUNTEC to work!!!.
So excited.
Hope to see my friends there.
Then can talk cock hahaha.
Okay need to wake up tml morning.
Good night guys!
Mac and Jovin allez for the last paper! :)
Monday, November 30, 2015
End of year 1 sem 1
Omg .
I feel alive and kicking
This whole period felt like I'm drowning underwater.
Not seeing the world like I used to see.
So glad it's finally over!
And qing dao is coming so soon!!!
Da excites.
Really wanna thank people who have kept me sane this period of time.
It was really a tough fight hahaha .
The last fight I ever had was BME back in 3 guards .
Hahaha lame.
So yup plans before qing dao.
1. Start rehab on shoulder.
2. Work
3. Do the things I said I would do in the previous posts.
4. Enjoy the awesome holiday.
Hope all of you are surviving or survived the finals.
This whole period really felt like surviving underwater with a pocket of air.
Gasping!!!
Hahahaha.
Friends come jio me do things.
I very lonely.
HAHAHAHA.
Good night.
Doto ?!?
I feel alive and kicking
This whole period felt like I'm drowning underwater.
Not seeing the world like I used to see.
So glad it's finally over!
And qing dao is coming so soon!!!
Da excites.
Really wanna thank people who have kept me sane this period of time.
It was really a tough fight hahaha .
The last fight I ever had was BME back in 3 guards .
Hahaha lame.
So yup plans before qing dao.
1. Start rehab on shoulder.
2. Work
3. Do the things I said I would do in the previous posts.
4. Enjoy the awesome holiday.
Hope all of you are surviving or survived the finals.
This whole period really felt like surviving underwater with a pocket of air.
Gasping!!!
Hahahaha.
Friends come jio me do things.
I very lonely.
HAHAHAHA.
Good night.
Doto ?!?
Thursday, November 26, 2015
Finals updates
This
week
has
been
hectic
like
fuck.
Lol.
Damn a lot of shit that happened.
Too fast too quickly.
Finally had time to breathe after my calculus paper.
So let's talk about the two papers that I did very badly in.
Been studying very hard for finals.
And I think this whole thing can be related to climbing.
"How hard is hard?"
The more I study, the more I realised I'm quite screwed for this semester.
Lol.
It sucks when I just stare at the questions, shake my feet, look around.
Heart pounding.
So much for studying 12 hours a day.
Shag that's like 3/4 of my awake time.
Oh well, it's not really that bad for me I guess.
I felt like shit when I finished the two paper.
And it sort of told me that I need to be more well organised next semester.
This first semester let's just take it as "TRANSITION PERIOD".
Like BMT "Adjustment period".
Hahahaha so I guess even if results come out shit (which confirm is), I'm more motivated for the next semester.
Maybe I'm not worrying so much since it's a S/U semester.
Really just hope that next semester will be better.
But really on a brighter note, I'm glad that it's going to be over soon.
And QING DAO IS COMING.
Tho my shoulder still hurts (like wtf cannot recover one), I think I'll really enjoy QING DAO.
So yup, that's about the lame part of exam.
Today I went back to Bedok camp.
Not reservist but sort of a briefing for the future ICTs LK and HK.
Hmmmm, it felt really really weird putting on my smart 4, boots and beret again.
And walk in camp.
Eat cookhouse food.
Just so much nostalgia in one day.
Comparing life then and now, it's really different.
And both kind of sucks at the sucky parts.
And both were happy moments at the happy parts.
HAHAHA if I made sense.
But yeahhhh, I guess life is like that.
Every phase of life, ups and downs.
You don't suffer, you don't enjoy.
DOTA matches never seemed so fun without exam.
It gets more exciting as your exam is just tomorrow.
LOL.
Kind of can guess what shit I've been doing these few days.
I'm left with ONE LAST paper on Monday.
And after that I'm going to find people to drink.
Yes chin yue you are reading this.
Sibei gian.
Please drink before you all fly.
AND PRAWN.
Cause when you all come back I should be going to China soon.
So yeahhh please meet.
Hahahaha.
Life has been very chill recently.
Or rather after all the exams.
Just sitting down at Hougang Macs alone typing this.
And it just rained.
And music softly playing in the background.
And watch people (students) enjoying their holidays.
Also, two of my friends have some problems recently.
Can't really help them but lend a listening ear.
I really hope I'm a good ear.
Hahaha.
But yeah it's like that.
Life is really full of surprising moments.
It's awesome.
It's like unpredictable.
Just like a movie.
If a movie is predictable, IT SUCKS.
Must have climax.
And anyway, recently I was thinking about this.
Like how real this world is.
People are real people.
People like you and me only keep useful people in your life.
If you're of no use to me, then too bad.
You're out.
I won't find you.
Unless I need you again.
Don't agree with me?
Example.
Sometimes you feel bored.
You wanna have fun.
You look for people who are fun and that makes you happy.
Sometimes you feel like doing this thing.
It would be better if there's this person doing it with me.
So okay let's go find him/her.
Sometimes you feel down.
You need someone to talk to.
You find this friend that will make you feel better.
I mean it's all logical la.
But it's really a very real world.
People become more useful so that more people will appreciate them.
If you're not useful, you're probably someone that ghost around in life.
But not saying it's anything bad or what la.
I was just interested about this concept hahaha.
Read it online somewhere.
Can't really remember.
But yuppppppppp.
Okay I'm going to go study.
Chill study hahaha.
Bye good luck for exam people!!!!#@!
Don't emo.
week
has
been
hectic
like
fuck.
Lol.
Damn a lot of shit that happened.
Too fast too quickly.
Finally had time to breathe after my calculus paper.
So let's talk about the two papers that I did very badly in.
Been studying very hard for finals.
And I think this whole thing can be related to climbing.
"How hard is hard?"
The more I study, the more I realised I'm quite screwed for this semester.
Lol.
It sucks when I just stare at the questions, shake my feet, look around.
Heart pounding.
So much for studying 12 hours a day.
Shag that's like 3/4 of my awake time.
Oh well, it's not really that bad for me I guess.
I felt like shit when I finished the two paper.
And it sort of told me that I need to be more well organised next semester.
This first semester let's just take it as "TRANSITION PERIOD".
Like BMT "Adjustment period".
Hahahaha so I guess even if results come out shit (which confirm is), I'm more motivated for the next semester.
Maybe I'm not worrying so much since it's a S/U semester.
Really just hope that next semester will be better.
But really on a brighter note, I'm glad that it's going to be over soon.
And QING DAO IS COMING.
Tho my shoulder still hurts (like wtf cannot recover one), I think I'll really enjoy QING DAO.
So yup, that's about the lame part of exam.
Today I went back to Bedok camp.
Not reservist but sort of a briefing for the future ICTs LK and HK.
Hmmmm, it felt really really weird putting on my smart 4, boots and beret again.
And walk in camp.
Eat cookhouse food.
Just so much nostalgia in one day.
Comparing life then and now, it's really different.
And both kind of sucks at the sucky parts.
And both were happy moments at the happy parts.
HAHAHA if I made sense.
But yeahhhh, I guess life is like that.
Every phase of life, ups and downs.
You don't suffer, you don't enjoy.
DOTA matches never seemed so fun without exam.
It gets more exciting as your exam is just tomorrow.
LOL.
Kind of can guess what shit I've been doing these few days.
I'm left with ONE LAST paper on Monday.
And after that I'm going to find people to drink.
Yes chin yue you are reading this.
Sibei gian.
Please drink before you all fly.
AND PRAWN.
Cause when you all come back I should be going to China soon.
So yeahhh please meet.
Hahahaha.
Life has been very chill recently.
Or rather after all the exams.
Just sitting down at Hougang Macs alone typing this.
And it just rained.
And music softly playing in the background.
And watch people (students) enjoying their holidays.
Also, two of my friends have some problems recently.
Can't really help them but lend a listening ear.
I really hope I'm a good ear.
Hahaha.
But yeah it's like that.
Life is really full of surprising moments.
It's awesome.
It's like unpredictable.
Just like a movie.
If a movie is predictable, IT SUCKS.
Must have climax.
And anyway, recently I was thinking about this.
Like how real this world is.
People are real people.
People like you and me only keep useful people in your life.
If you're of no use to me, then too bad.
You're out.
I won't find you.
Unless I need you again.
Don't agree with me?
Example.
Sometimes you feel bored.
You wanna have fun.
You look for people who are fun and that makes you happy.
Sometimes you feel like doing this thing.
It would be better if there's this person doing it with me.
So okay let's go find him/her.
Sometimes you feel down.
You need someone to talk to.
You find this friend that will make you feel better.
I mean it's all logical la.
But it's really a very real world.
People become more useful so that more people will appreciate them.
If you're not useful, you're probably someone that ghost around in life.
But not saying it's anything bad or what la.
I was just interested about this concept hahaha.
Read it online somewhere.
Can't really remember.
But yuppppppppp.
Okay I'm going to go study.
Chill study hahaha.
Bye good luck for exam people!!!!#@!
Don't emo.
Sunday, November 22, 2015
That moment
When all else doesn't matter
And people seemed to be invisible.
That moment.
Could it be?
And people seemed to be invisible.
That moment.
Could it be?
Saturday, November 21, 2015
Posts
Actually as I read some of my recent posts, I realised it's a little fucked up that all my posts are negative.
Lolol .
Semo lai de.
Why riddat?
Life is such.
But life is happy.
Let's start making a list of things to do after finals!
1. Work @ SUNTEC
2. Draw song yu hua
3. Cook a meal for my family LOLOL
4. Find chin yue to drink
5. Watch may who ?
.
.
.
To add on.
But honestly I worry this will be just like another jcc talk.
After jcc, im going to eat
1. Bkt
2. Chicken rice
3. Macs
.
.
.
LOL. Then end up eating anything else but not the things in the list.
I'm just trying to say I'm scared that I'll just end up dotaing.
Hahahaha.
Shag life.
Oh and I will diligently do rehab to my body.
Like make a schedule.
Omg , I really dam scared none of this will happen.
Can someone just remind me after finals that I do all this.
Lolol.
Okay bye.
Time for my 2nd paper.
After today, 3 core paper.
:O
Good luck all for finals.
Don't emo if you feel stupid.
Everyone is just better at hiding their stupidity.
Lolol .
Semo lai de.
Why riddat?
Life is such.
But life is happy.
Let's start making a list of things to do after finals!
1. Work @ SUNTEC
2. Draw song yu hua
3. Cook a meal for my family LOLOL
4. Find chin yue to drink
5. Watch may who ?
.
.
.
To add on.
But honestly I worry this will be just like another jcc talk.
After jcc, im going to eat
1. Bkt
2. Chicken rice
3. Macs
.
.
.
LOL. Then end up eating anything else but not the things in the list.
I'm just trying to say I'm scared that I'll just end up dotaing.
Hahahaha.
Shag life.
Oh and I will diligently do rehab to my body.
Like make a schedule.
Omg , I really dam scared none of this will happen.
Can someone just remind me after finals that I do all this.
Lolol.
Okay bye.
Time for my 2nd paper.
After today, 3 core paper.
:O
Good luck all for finals.
Don't emo if you feel stupid.
Everyone is just better at hiding their stupidity.
Thursday, November 19, 2015
Dazed
These few days have been a dazed.
Like it just feels weird.
Maybe it's partly because of the fact that I didn't climb much.
And also probably the lack of sleep.
It felt good to go back and climb tho.
And I sort of feel like the harder we train, the less we learn to enjoy the sports.
And it's same the other way round.
Quite enjoyed my climb that Tuesday even though my shoulder can't really do shit cause it hurts.
So yeah, Im less worried about my performance in qing dao now cause I won't stress myself over projects or hard routes.
But probably do the best as what my shoulder allows me to.
Can't wait for qing dao.
Anyway, the past two days have been on a studying streak.
Tuesday was a 11am to 3am and yesterday was a 1pm to 10 pm.
It was really tiring but I guess it's all gonna be worth it after the exam.
So yeah, doesn't really hurt to study hard now.
And yup, I went to ntu to study with Ivan and kenny .
On that Tuesday.
Went to ivan's room to study.
Quite conducive cause got personal table hahaha .
But my eyes were trying to shut.
So after that went to find chin yue .
I was lost at hall 14/15 that area lol.
And my phone was dying.
So was kinda really lost lol.
But yeah when i saw the word tee chin yue outside one of the door, I was like oh yeah bitch.
Opened the door and it felt like home LOL.
With chin yue sitting at his table doing his shit on two computer monitor.
So yeah that was 4am.
Dotaed one round with him and Ivan and then suddenly gian to drink.
So yup, manly talk under the star light with gabu gabu mixer.
Until the sun rise.
LOL.
So yup totally died when I went to bed.
Can't wait for finals to be over!
Quite excited to go back to bedok camp on the 26 and also back to suntec after my last paper.
For now, study hard to make all the enjoyments worthwhile.
Allezzz
Like it just feels weird.
Maybe it's partly because of the fact that I didn't climb much.
And also probably the lack of sleep.
It felt good to go back and climb tho.
And I sort of feel like the harder we train, the less we learn to enjoy the sports.
And it's same the other way round.
Quite enjoyed my climb that Tuesday even though my shoulder can't really do shit cause it hurts.
So yeah, Im less worried about my performance in qing dao now cause I won't stress myself over projects or hard routes.
But probably do the best as what my shoulder allows me to.
Can't wait for qing dao.
Anyway, the past two days have been on a studying streak.
Tuesday was a 11am to 3am and yesterday was a 1pm to 10 pm.
It was really tiring but I guess it's all gonna be worth it after the exam.
So yeah, doesn't really hurt to study hard now.
And yup, I went to ntu to study with Ivan and kenny .
On that Tuesday.
Went to ivan's room to study.
Quite conducive cause got personal table hahaha .
But my eyes were trying to shut.
So after that went to find chin yue .
I was lost at hall 14/15 that area lol.
And my phone was dying.
So was kinda really lost lol.
But yeah when i saw the word tee chin yue outside one of the door, I was like oh yeah bitch.
Opened the door and it felt like home LOL.
With chin yue sitting at his table doing his shit on two computer monitor.
So yeah that was 4am.
Dotaed one round with him and Ivan and then suddenly gian to drink.
So yup, manly talk under the star light with gabu gabu mixer.
Until the sun rise.
LOL.
So yup totally died when I went to bed.
Can't wait for finals to be over!
Quite excited to go back to bedok camp on the 26 and also back to suntec after my last paper.
For now, study hard to make all the enjoyments worthwhile.
Allezzz
Sunday, November 15, 2015
Happy day
Wow.
It's really rare for me to have a happy day.
I'm really glad to meet up with Kenny and Ivan tonight.
Hahaha it's 3:36am and we just went back home.
Stupid talks and stupid singings at the playground.
When Kenny said "today very happy."
I was like yeah that's true.
Hahaha.
Also, today went to sing K at NTU Alumni's Teo Heng.
Hahaha.
It was fun too!
There was Gwen, Andy, ZW, Celine, Ashely and Alichow.
Always nice to sing and let it out hahaha.
But my voice sucks.
:(
But oh well, enjoyed myself there.
Hope to have more Teo Heng's sessions.
With anyone that is.
Hahahaha.
Thanks Andy for booking today!
Hahahaha.
Oh well, finals going to come and yup, today was really like a PRE PREP for finals.
Mentally.
Hahaha.
Tomorrow onwards will be mugging and full force.
For finals.
Feel quite motivated now after being at the playground with those dogs.
Hahaha.
I guess for finals, I'm just going to try my best.
If the results are not that great, I guess it would be okay.
Because I did my best~
So yeah, saw this video about this student with cancer.
Telling us how we should set short term goals instead.
It kind of feels more realistic.
And yup, you don't know what may happen in the near future.
So achieve your mini mini short term goals.
And life will be brighter.
I guess?
Great dayyyyyyyyyyyy.
After all the bullshit in school.
All the negativity in me due to being not able to climb.
Not able to concentrate in school.
Girl.
Blah.
ya
lol.
Saturday, November 14, 2015
Paris attacks
Woke up this morning with this news.
It made me feel uneasy how terrorism is such a real thing that's going on.
Read the recounts and it certainly sent chills in me.
I've just watched the video where the sound of gun shots were heard.
It was definitely not a nice sound to hear.
It just reminded me of times back in Army during live firing.
How loud the weapons were.
And how dangerous it was.
Firing in automatic, the sound was really scary.
It never occur to me how scary it was until I imagined myself in the scene when I read the recounts.
The feeling of seeing blood everywhere, seeing corpse everywhere, hearing cries, sirens, moanings, gun shots and explosion.
It definitely felt like hell.
I really cannot imagine what's going through all the victim's mind.
They must have felt despair.
The cops must have felt fear too.
So much feelings.
For a Saturday morning.
Monday, November 9, 2015
Rants
Just some rants for better Monday.
I have a module that requires me to work with a group.
One of the requirements was to make a poster for our topic.
And I volunteered to do it with the help of another team member's editing.
Because my English sucks and I was just trying my best to contribute to the group.
Yeah so I kind of spent 4 hours doing it (I know it's not a long time).
And sent it to the other team member to add on the stuffs.
Well, she scraped the whole template and decided to do one herself.
Like wtf.
Then in the first place why don't you just do it.
So now it kind of seems to the group that I didn't do any shit but well I could say I tried my best.
But the frustrating thing is the fact that someone puts in so much effort to make a template, make every single detail nicely and bam.
After the 'editing' is done by my group member, it becomes an entirely different poster.
Like literally different.
And to add on to that, that group member wants opinion about the poster.
And gets frustrated when no one replies her question 'how's the poster? Anything needs editing?'
And everyone knows my language skill just suck.
So how am I supposed to comment that this or that need to change.
I guess Im just sour by the fact that I can't do a good poster or anything to do with English.
But it just sucks to have zero recognition from the effort I've put in.
All the other group members don't even know my half completed poster exists.
Fuck.
Annoying module piece of shit .
Can't get used to the people in uni.
So many fake fuck people.
At least I don't put a mask to school.
I just had to link back to those days back in 3 guards.
When my worries are just problems of my men and my oc's taskings.
At least my OC scolds me and tell me wtf I've done wrong right in my face.
Rather than bitching behind someone's back.
It's really getting annoying to wake up and go to school nowadays.
How I wish things could be simpler.
But yeah, I'm thankful for the group of climbers that I am starting to open myself to.
It's life saving.
If this shit continues for 4 years, I guess I'll just sign on.
Fuck the society.
Life of dogs.
I have a module that requires me to work with a group.
One of the requirements was to make a poster for our topic.
And I volunteered to do it with the help of another team member's editing.
Because my English sucks and I was just trying my best to contribute to the group.
Yeah so I kind of spent 4 hours doing it (I know it's not a long time).
And sent it to the other team member to add on the stuffs.
Well, she scraped the whole template and decided to do one herself.
Like wtf.
Then in the first place why don't you just do it.
So now it kind of seems to the group that I didn't do any shit but well I could say I tried my best.
But the frustrating thing is the fact that someone puts in so much effort to make a template, make every single detail nicely and bam.
After the 'editing' is done by my group member, it becomes an entirely different poster.
Like literally different.
And to add on to that, that group member wants opinion about the poster.
And gets frustrated when no one replies her question 'how's the poster? Anything needs editing?'
And everyone knows my language skill just suck.
So how am I supposed to comment that this or that need to change.
I guess Im just sour by the fact that I can't do a good poster or anything to do with English.
But it just sucks to have zero recognition from the effort I've put in.
All the other group members don't even know my half completed poster exists.
Fuck.
Annoying module piece of shit .
Can't get used to the people in uni.
So many fake fuck people.
At least I don't put a mask to school.
I just had to link back to those days back in 3 guards.
When my worries are just problems of my men and my oc's taskings.
At least my OC scolds me and tell me wtf I've done wrong right in my face.
Rather than bitching behind someone's back.
It's really getting annoying to wake up and go to school nowadays.
How I wish things could be simpler.
But yeah, I'm thankful for the group of climbers that I am starting to open myself to.
It's life saving.
If this shit continues for 4 years, I guess I'll just sign on.
Fuck the society.
Life of dogs.
Thursday, November 5, 2015
Weird morning
Woke up feeling as if I was some sort of robot.
I didn't feel tired, stress, happy, sad or frustrated.
It was just a weird empty feeling.
Maybe it's the Thursday syndrome lol.
But anyway, if I were to compare schooling in uni to schooling in jc, I think the big difference is the number of words said daily.
Been talking so much less when school has started.
And I kind of think it's quite bad for the mind.
But oh well, I guess every phase of life has its worries.
I remember wishing life will have more ups and downs when I was in army.
Guess I got it now but it just seems that being constant wasnt really that bad at all.
I'm just ranting about how life is everchanging with every phase you go.
Every phase in life we will have this goal set in the mind and all the obstacles and setbacks that attack you constantly.
I guess for me in this uni phase now I don't really have a goal yet.
Maybe it sort of explains why I felt like this this morning.
However, I know things will get better as time goes by.
Just like how I used to hate going to school back in JC because all the friends I meet are not of the same frequency.
Well, look at how close I am with my JC friends now.
Growing up with growing maturity make people more analytical about everything.
We are more careful with the words we say and the actions we do because we know that everyone is more analytical now.
Maybe I'm just living in the careful phase now.
Don't wanna say too much to people because I'm afraid it would just be a false and temporary connections between the two parties.
But as time goes by, I'm pretty sure I'll be more comfortable with everything and adapt to life.
Just that this adapting period always take very long for me.
I wonder what problems will I face when I graduate and start working.
Or maybe I won't work!!?!?!
:O hahaha just kidding.
I didn't feel tired, stress, happy, sad or frustrated.
It was just a weird empty feeling.
Maybe it's the Thursday syndrome lol.
But anyway, if I were to compare schooling in uni to schooling in jc, I think the big difference is the number of words said daily.
Been talking so much less when school has started.
And I kind of think it's quite bad for the mind.
But oh well, I guess every phase of life has its worries.
I remember wishing life will have more ups and downs when I was in army.
Guess I got it now but it just seems that being constant wasnt really that bad at all.
I'm just ranting about how life is everchanging with every phase you go.
Every phase in life we will have this goal set in the mind and all the obstacles and setbacks that attack you constantly.
I guess for me in this uni phase now I don't really have a goal yet.
Maybe it sort of explains why I felt like this this morning.
However, I know things will get better as time goes by.
Just like how I used to hate going to school back in JC because all the friends I meet are not of the same frequency.
Well, look at how close I am with my JC friends now.
Growing up with growing maturity make people more analytical about everything.
We are more careful with the words we say and the actions we do because we know that everyone is more analytical now.
Maybe I'm just living in the careful phase now.
Don't wanna say too much to people because I'm afraid it would just be a false and temporary connections between the two parties.
But as time goes by, I'm pretty sure I'll be more comfortable with everything and adapt to life.
Just that this adapting period always take very long for me.
I wonder what problems will I face when I graduate and start working.
Or maybe I won't work!!?!?!
:O hahaha just kidding.
Sunday, November 1, 2015
Heart attack
Just caught a Thai movie at bugis+
It's the one that violette wautier acts in.
Hahaha a show about workaholics and the result of being one.
Because of work, main character sacrificed all other things in life.
Love is one, the beauty of the world is another.
Kind of relatable since our lives are so busy right now.
We hardly have any time for things that we want.
Or have time for people we love.
It's really scary to realise that I'm actually getting sucked into this system of lifeless life that most live in.
I'm so glad I gave myself an off day today.
Feels like I've been really really busy with 'life' that I lost track of time.
In a blink of an eye, I'm actually 21 now.
A legal adult.
Felt like I have wasted time doing useless things in life.
What does calculus have to do with life 5 years down the road?
I feel like we are all pursuing knowledge for the sake of this system.
And at the end of the day, what do you achieve in life?
Let's just take an example.
5 years ago, we were in secondary 4.
Just try to think of something you've learnt that is useful in your life now.
Was it hard?
That's the whole point I'm trying to bring across.
Maybe it's just me.
Maybe I'm complaining because of the path I chose for myself.
But think for yourself.
What are you ACTUALLY doing in life now?
You may go like "Oh I'm studying right now so I can be successful in the future"
Please do let me know once you become successful.
And then I'll ask you another question "So you're successful now, let me know what have you actually achieved. Are you satisfied with LIFE?"
It's really scary.
And sometimes I do feel very alone in this world because no one seems to understand this part of me.
It sucks.
But nevertheless, it's a great Sunday.
Felt like the past 3/4 months in Uni has been a smokescreen for what I'm actually feeling deep inside.
And today just brought back the feelings I had back before Uni.
Wew
It's the one that violette wautier acts in.
Hahaha a show about workaholics and the result of being one.
Because of work, main character sacrificed all other things in life.
Love is one, the beauty of the world is another.
Kind of relatable since our lives are so busy right now.
We hardly have any time for things that we want.
Or have time for people we love.
It's really scary to realise that I'm actually getting sucked into this system of lifeless life that most live in.
I'm so glad I gave myself an off day today.
Feels like I've been really really busy with 'life' that I lost track of time.
In a blink of an eye, I'm actually 21 now.
A legal adult.
Felt like I have wasted time doing useless things in life.
What does calculus have to do with life 5 years down the road?
I feel like we are all pursuing knowledge for the sake of this system.
And at the end of the day, what do you achieve in life?
Let's just take an example.
5 years ago, we were in secondary 4.
Just try to think of something you've learnt that is useful in your life now.
Was it hard?
That's the whole point I'm trying to bring across.
Maybe it's just me.
Maybe I'm complaining because of the path I chose for myself.
But think for yourself.
What are you ACTUALLY doing in life now?
You may go like "Oh I'm studying right now so I can be successful in the future"
Please do let me know once you become successful.
And then I'll ask you another question "So you're successful now, let me know what have you actually achieved. Are you satisfied with LIFE?"
It's really scary.
And sometimes I do feel very alone in this world because no one seems to understand this part of me.
It sucks.
But nevertheless, it's a great Sunday.
Felt like the past 3/4 months in Uni has been a smokescreen for what I'm actually feeling deep inside.
And today just brought back the feelings I had back before Uni.
Wew
Saturday, October 31, 2015
I think it's a tough decision
But I'm going to stop climbing for a week.
Non-climbers be like lameeeeeeeee 1 week only.
Climbers be like "wah why sia?"
But oh well.
Have too many injuries recently.
I'm afraid it's sign of aging.
Slow recovery.
Lol.
Really quite demoralise with my own climbs these few days.
Past 3 sessions was quite shit.
But I tend to blame it on my injury.
Want to get stronger but the injury is hindering.
But if I don't climb I drop very fast.
So if you think 1 week is short, it's actually quite long for me.
Like forget how to climb like that.
Hahaha.
But yup, need to heal my left shoulder, right wrist, right ring finger tendon and my right knee.
Oh and my right hips.
I hope that this 1 week going to be a good recovery week.
Not just recovery on my body.
Also my school work.
Need to recover that shit.
Hahaha.
But to be honest, I really hope this week will recover my body.
It sucks to not be able to climb at your hardest.
It's worst than not catching a tile.
It's like not giving in the 100%.
If I know I give in my 100% and I can't do the move, fine, I admit I'm weak.
But it's like THEREE, and your hand it's like ALMOST THERE.
That feeling.
Argh.
Recovery regime from 31/10/2015 - 7/11/2015.
Let's do this shit.
Fall down and get back up.
Stronger.
Weeeeeeeeeee.
Non-climbers be like lameeeeeeeee 1 week only.
Climbers be like "wah why sia?"
But oh well.
Have too many injuries recently.
I'm afraid it's sign of aging.
Slow recovery.
Lol.
Really quite demoralise with my own climbs these few days.
Past 3 sessions was quite shit.
But I tend to blame it on my injury.
Want to get stronger but the injury is hindering.
But if I don't climb I drop very fast.
So if you think 1 week is short, it's actually quite long for me.
Like forget how to climb like that.
Hahaha.
But yup, need to heal my left shoulder, right wrist, right ring finger tendon and my right knee.
Oh and my right hips.
I hope that this 1 week going to be a good recovery week.
Not just recovery on my body.
Also my school work.
Need to recover that shit.
Hahaha.
But to be honest, I really hope this week will recover my body.
It sucks to not be able to climb at your hardest.
It's worst than not catching a tile.
It's like not giving in the 100%.
If I know I give in my 100% and I can't do the move, fine, I admit I'm weak.
But it's like THEREE, and your hand it's like ALMOST THERE.
That feeling.
Argh.
Recovery regime from 31/10/2015 - 7/11/2015.
Let's do this shit.
Fall down and get back up.
Stronger.
Weeeeeeeeeee.
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
O levels
On the train now with some secondary school kids.
Talking about o levels and going home together and stuff.
Kind of eavesdropping their conversation and it's really quite cute.
Hahaha kids as in guys and girls.
Kind of miss the times back in xinmin.
Everyone seemed less busy and happy with one another.
Talking about o levels and going home together and stuff.
Kind of eavesdropping their conversation and it's really quite cute.
Hahaha kids as in guys and girls.
Kind of miss the times back in xinmin.
Everyone seemed less busy and happy with one another.
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Good morning
It's 2:31 PM now and I've just woke up.
Feeling awesome because it's been really long since I woke up without alarm.
So yeah, going to Hougang Macs to study right now!
Gonna chiong all my shit all the way until midnight I feel.
Hopefully it'll be productive.
Actually not hopefully, because it must be done by tomorrow.
Hahahaha.
So yeah, woke up feeling refreshing, it's awesome.
Yesterday was a long day.
Went to climb with Yong Sheng, Joshua Tan, Kee Hang and Jeannette.
Then after that headed to Botanic Gardens to chill with the team.
TEAM BONDING.
Hahaha it was quite fun la.
Card games, frisbee, nice food (Pot luck)
Because it was pot luck, got a lot of junk food here and there HAHAHA.
Yeah then Edmond threw frisbee into the pond.
Then everyone trying to get it out.
Use float ah use simi sai.
Go around looking for long poles.
But nope, Janice Chua decided to let her frisbee die in the pond.
Since it was too late already.
So we left.
Ferran sent me thomas moses and ange to bishan.
Then I headed home with Moses.
AND THEN DOTA.
All the way until 1+
Then went to meet Kenny and Vincent for supper.
And yup sleep.
Even tho I wake up so late I still feel damn tired.
LOL.
Alright enough procrastination for the week.
Time to squeeze everything in by today.
Bye guys.
Feeling awesome because it's been really long since I woke up without alarm.
So yeah, going to Hougang Macs to study right now!
Gonna chiong all my shit all the way until midnight I feel.
Hopefully it'll be productive.
Actually not hopefully, because it must be done by tomorrow.
Hahahaha.
So yeah, woke up feeling refreshing, it's awesome.
Yesterday was a long day.
Went to climb with Yong Sheng, Joshua Tan, Kee Hang and Jeannette.
Then after that headed to Botanic Gardens to chill with the team.
TEAM BONDING.
Hahaha it was quite fun la.
Card games, frisbee, nice food (Pot luck)
Because it was pot luck, got a lot of junk food here and there HAHAHA.
Yeah then Edmond threw frisbee into the pond.
Then everyone trying to get it out.
Use float ah use simi sai.
Go around looking for long poles.
But nope, Janice Chua decided to let her frisbee die in the pond.
Since it was too late already.
So we left.
Ferran sent me thomas moses and ange to bishan.
Then I headed home with Moses.
AND THEN DOTA.
All the way until 1+
Then went to meet Kenny and Vincent for supper.
And yup sleep.
Even tho I wake up so late I still feel damn tired.
LOL.
Alright enough procrastination for the week.
Time to squeeze everything in by today.
Bye guys.
Saturday, October 24, 2015
人理所当然的忘记
Just caught 我的少女时代 with Joshua Tan.
Awesome show.
Made me think of my past and I reflected.
Thought of how simple things were back then.
And I thought of how forced my emotions are recently.
It's really not easy to be truly happy.
And it sucks to think that "to be truly happy" gets more difficult as we grow older.
But I guess it's not true.
It's more of perception.
How happy you are depends on how you perceive it.
I guess it's all the expectations we hold on to ourselves that cause happiness to seem further than it really is.
Let's just take an example.
5 years ago, when you were in secondary school, things were much more simpler and everything seemed to be happy.
Days like playing soccer with friends, studying with friends, going out with friends.
All these simple things make us happy.
That's because we choose to make things simple.
Enjoying everything because we don't have that ability to judge people properly yet.
But as we grow older, we're more afraid of being judged.
And because of that, we turn to ourselves.
And we stopped believing people as easily as we used to back in the past.
And I guess that's why old friends always seemed closer to you than new friends.
Because they are the simple friends that you've made back then when you were "less judgemental"
I guess it's really all part of growing up.
And it's like a survival of the fittest.
Everyone wants something out of somebody.
But end up forgetting how to feel truly for this person.
Hmmmmmmmm.
Just some random thoughts when I compared my life back in secondary school and now.
Things are so different right now.
Oh well.
I guess we need to start feeling for people.
And not taking people around you for granted.
Friday, October 23, 2015
I KENNUT
I do sincerely have to conclude that technology is bad.
It's really a bad medium to communicate.
I was waiting for the bus home yesterday at Serangoon and I saw two girls using their phone.
Not saying I want to read their whatsapp chat but yeah, my eyes just happened to roll there.
They were giving all the smiley faces.
But their face was stoned.
Then another one typed "HAHAHAHA".
Then her face was also stoned.
So it brings me to a question.
Doesnt it mean that the improvement in technology for communications had somehow deproved communications itself?
Such irony right.
I have a theory that if we plot a graph of technology against happiness, it would be a bell shaped curve.
Meaning it has an optimum point.
And anymore will cause it to backfire.
To explain myself a little more, it's more of like over-reliance.
Causing us humans to lose all the natural instincts about life.
The true enjoyment behind it.
And the natural process of life.
It somehow hinders it I feel.
Just one of my thoughts.
Tuesday, October 20, 2015
Monday, October 19, 2015
Bad day
Bad climbing day~
Was so psyched to climb but body wasn't ready for it.
Felt so tired and mentally drained after flash pump.
Can't wait for tendons to fully recover and start cranking hard again.
To add on, still got shit to do when i get back home.
Sighhhhh.
And Thursday won't be a climbing day?
Why so negativeeeeeeeeee.
Fuck.
Hope things get better.
Fuck hope.
Let's make things better.
Was so psyched to climb but body wasn't ready for it.
Felt so tired and mentally drained after flash pump.
Can't wait for tendons to fully recover and start cranking hard again.
To add on, still got shit to do when i get back home.
Sighhhhh.
And Thursday won't be a climbing day?
Why so negativeeeeeeeeee.
Fuck.
Hope things get better.
Fuck hope.
Let's make things better.
Wednesday, October 14, 2015
Courage
Courage.
Past.
Current.
Friends.
Friends?
Motivation.
Fear.
Exaggeration.
Guts.
Venus.
Courage.
.
.
.
Past.
Current.
Friends.
Friends?
Motivation.
Fear.
Exaggeration.
Guts.
Venus.
Courage.
.
.
.
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Omg
Bad choice to take bus to srg and then take circle line.
Maybe should have just waited for the NEL to recover. Hahah
Oh well 8.43 and im still at srg.
Class starts 9am wooo
Maybe should have just waited for the NEL to recover. Hahah
Oh well 8.43 and im still at srg.
Class starts 9am wooo
Thursday, October 8, 2015
Just some QUANTITATIVE REASONING
303/1428 climb
539/1428 school
326/1428 work
466/1428 study
29/1428 competition
410/1428 friend
145/1428 sigh
42/1428 yay
234/1428 happy
187/1428 sad
119/1428 lazy
578/1428 feel
283/1428 miss
Out of 1428 posts, these are the words I've used in my blog posts.
It's really quite an interesting comparison when I find out the numbers.
School took the most percentage of my blog posts.
Climbing is generally lower than school stuffs.
But it's still quite a high percentage (21.2%)
Friend takes up a big percentage too (28.7%)
Happy is more than sad.
Lazy is surprisingly less than 10% LOL.
The word feel is used in 40.4% of my blog posts.
Nice, I'm a feeling person.
I think it's of course that feeling is higher than the rest.
I won't blog if I don't feel anything.
Oh well, the interesting part of today's post is over.
Time to hear my rants.
Don't know why you all so interested in reading my rants.
CHEH.
Hahahaha.
Alright.
So I was feeling a little down after climbing today.
Not because of climbing but generally stressing over school work.
I'm really not keeping up with the pace.
The snowball is starting.
Feels like JC all over again.
But well, I was comparing this feeling with when I was in Brunei during OCS.
So let's recall what happened during JCC.
A 9 days course of non-stop trekking with 2 days of food supply.
In the harshest environment that I've ever been.
Rainy days 7 out of 9.
Sleeping in the darkest place with the most weirdest insect you can think of.
Fighting the cold and the wet at night.
And also fighting the cold and the wet in the morning.
Fighting the fatique and all negative thoughts from your mind.
Fighting the worst hunger.
Fighting the thirst.
Fighting the hottest sun in the afternoon.
Loneliness during forager.
Carrying signal set for 9 days straight.
The load crushing on your body.
The uncomfortable feeling wearing your iLBV.
In-grown toe nails.
And through all this misery (which I haven't fully written out),
I made it out alive with a JCC badge and a body that lost more than 5kg.
And I thought about all this just now.
Those were much more worst feelings that I'm feeling now.
Yet I'm complaining.
I remember the night when it rained during Forager.
I cried.
I wanted all this to end.
I wanted to get out of this shit hole.
I wanted to eat.
I missed my family.
I missed all the basic necessities that I took for granted.
I wanted a nice shelter above my head.
I needed warmth.
I wanted to sleep but the rain and cold was keeping me awake.
It was one of the most miserable night I had.
But I remembered the next morning.
It was the most motivating morning I can ever remember.
I sat on my A-frame and stoned for 1 hour.
Recharging all the positive thoughts.
And it all began when I took out a pen and my notebook.
And started writing.
I started planning.
Planning how I was going to ration my food
I could roughly remember.
01 x lor mee
01 x soya milk with barley dessert
02 x mentos
02 x 5 pcs biscuit
01 x fruit bar
01 x quail
01 x potato
01 x maggi pack
That was almost it.
I had all this left for 2 more days and 2 more nights.
I opened up one of the mentos for that day's breakfast and I remember being so motivated all over again.
I've already been through so far (7 days) what's another 2 more days to me?
I knew I could survive.
I knew I was motivated.
I knew that all this is going to end.
And I was going to get proper food in just 2 days time.
All this positivity came and I felt like I was revived.
I was tired, but my mind told me I wasn't.
And that's how I made it out through Cynthia gate on the 9th day.
Knowing that everything is just in the mind.
Today was really not a very good day for me.
I mean climbing was a really good getaway for me.
But when climbing ended, all the stress came rushing back.
And I was so down again.
And now, I'm not going to let the thoughts pull me down.
It's time to take out my pen and notebook and start pushing.
It's not too late.
I know I can definitely do it.
Because I've been through worst.
*inserts bicep emoticon*
#motivated
#owninstudies
Hope you enjoyed this post.
Because I enjoyed it.
Brought back so many thoughts from NS.
Hahahaha.
Byeeeeeeeeee.
539/1428 school
326/1428 work
466/1428 study
29/1428 competition
410/1428 friend
145/1428 sigh
42/1428 yay
234/1428 happy
187/1428 sad
119/1428 lazy
578/1428 feel
283/1428 miss
Out of 1428 posts, these are the words I've used in my blog posts.
It's really quite an interesting comparison when I find out the numbers.
School took the most percentage of my blog posts.
Climbing is generally lower than school stuffs.
But it's still quite a high percentage (21.2%)
Friend takes up a big percentage too (28.7%)
Happy is more than sad.
Lazy is surprisingly less than 10% LOL.
The word feel is used in 40.4% of my blog posts.
Nice, I'm a feeling person.
I think it's of course that feeling is higher than the rest.
I won't blog if I don't feel anything.
Oh well, the interesting part of today's post is over.
Time to hear my rants.
Don't know why you all so interested in reading my rants.
CHEH.
Hahahaha.
Alright.
So I was feeling a little down after climbing today.
Not because of climbing but generally stressing over school work.
I'm really not keeping up with the pace.
The snowball is starting.
Feels like JC all over again.
But well, I was comparing this feeling with when I was in Brunei during OCS.
So let's recall what happened during JCC.
A 9 days course of non-stop trekking with 2 days of food supply.
In the harshest environment that I've ever been.
Rainy days 7 out of 9.
Sleeping in the darkest place with the most weirdest insect you can think of.
Fighting the cold and the wet at night.
And also fighting the cold and the wet in the morning.
Fighting the fatique and all negative thoughts from your mind.
Fighting the worst hunger.
Fighting the thirst.
Fighting the hottest sun in the afternoon.
Loneliness during forager.
Carrying signal set for 9 days straight.
The load crushing on your body.
The uncomfortable feeling wearing your iLBV.
In-grown toe nails.
And through all this misery (which I haven't fully written out),
I made it out alive with a JCC badge and a body that lost more than 5kg.
And I thought about all this just now.
Those were much more worst feelings that I'm feeling now.
Yet I'm complaining.
I remember the night when it rained during Forager.
I cried.
I wanted all this to end.
I wanted to get out of this shit hole.
I wanted to eat.
I missed my family.
I missed all the basic necessities that I took for granted.
I wanted a nice shelter above my head.
I needed warmth.
I wanted to sleep but the rain and cold was keeping me awake.
It was one of the most miserable night I had.
But I remembered the next morning.
It was the most motivating morning I can ever remember.
I sat on my A-frame and stoned for 1 hour.
Recharging all the positive thoughts.
And it all began when I took out a pen and my notebook.
And started writing.
I started planning.
Planning how I was going to ration my food
I could roughly remember.
01 x lor mee
01 x soya milk with barley dessert
02 x mentos
02 x 5 pcs biscuit
01 x fruit bar
01 x quail
01 x potato
01 x maggi pack
That was almost it.
I had all this left for 2 more days and 2 more nights.
I opened up one of the mentos for that day's breakfast and I remember being so motivated all over again.
I've already been through so far (7 days) what's another 2 more days to me?
I knew I could survive.
I knew I was motivated.
I knew that all this is going to end.
And I was going to get proper food in just 2 days time.
All this positivity came and I felt like I was revived.
I was tired, but my mind told me I wasn't.
And that's how I made it out through Cynthia gate on the 9th day.
Knowing that everything is just in the mind.
Today was really not a very good day for me.
I mean climbing was a really good getaway for me.
But when climbing ended, all the stress came rushing back.
And I was so down again.
And now, I'm not going to let the thoughts pull me down.
It's time to take out my pen and notebook and start pushing.
It's not too late.
I know I can definitely do it.
Because I've been through worst.
*inserts bicep emoticon*
#motivated
#owninstudies
Hope you enjoyed this post.
Because I enjoyed it.
Brought back so many thoughts from NS.
Hahahaha.
Byeeeeeeeeee.
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
Hahaha
Idk whether I've said this before but I love sitting bus rides.
Especially on rainy days.
It just gives me this awesome snap back to reality feels.
Getting back results here and there and it is not as ideal.
Lab reports getting B and more B with a tinge of C lol.
Thai listening quiz getting 10/20.
Everything is quite below average.
Not really putting much effort I must say.
And having the feeling of just aiya fuck this sem.
But it's just an escape from reality that I'm lazy and not focused.
But largely because I don't have a very strong motivation to study.
This transition period from NS/holiday is really taking a long time.
Need to study harder and stop acting like a boy whining all day but not doing anything about it.
Im still thinking about the things I've been thinking of.
Lol doesn't make sense.
But oh well.
TAKE THINGS SLOWWWWW.
Especially on rainy days.
It just gives me this awesome snap back to reality feels.
Getting back results here and there and it is not as ideal.
Lab reports getting B and more B with a tinge of C lol.
Thai listening quiz getting 10/20.
Everything is quite below average.
Not really putting much effort I must say.
And having the feeling of just aiya fuck this sem.
But it's just an escape from reality that I'm lazy and not focused.
But largely because I don't have a very strong motivation to study.
This transition period from NS/holiday is really taking a long time.
Need to study harder and stop acting like a boy whining all day but not doing anything about it.
Im still thinking about the things I've been thinking of.
Lol doesn't make sense.
But oh well.
TAKE THINGS SLOWWWWW.
Sunday, October 4, 2015
NLB
Went to study at macs in the morning.
Wanted to wake up at 8 to study but bam .
Fell asleep str8 after i off the alarm.
Lol.
Ytd pt was dam shag .
So yup went to teach tuition after that and then got my pay.
Yayyyy .
Self sustainable for awhile.
Then went to NLB to study with YY Jon and Leon.
Not really study la more of do tutorial hahaha .
Quite a nice place to study.
Because can't talk means must focus.
The whole library dam quiet.
Yup quite productive actually.
Finished my Thai and lab.
And started abit on my math.
So yup Jon left early while YY left after studying.
Went to eat with Leon and then headed home.
Not going to study anymore when I reach home tho I think I can hahaha.
Okay maybe abit .
Still feeling awesome after mid terms hahaha .
Can't wait to watch everest and attack on titans with anyoneeee .
If you're reading this and also wanna watch jioooo.
Come to think of it.
When I hvnt got into uni that lost period.
Really quite scary to be alone and having too much thoughts.
Sitting at the playground again writing this.
As I think back, that period of time was just me giving myself too much stress.
Hahaha.
As far as I'm alright now, I still miss going overseas.
Well everyone does.
Really quite busy now but I really hope my mind still has space for some reflections here and there.
Time to dota HAHAHA .
okay study bit first.
See y'all .
Wanted to wake up at 8 to study but bam .
Fell asleep str8 after i off the alarm.
Lol.
Ytd pt was dam shag .
So yup went to teach tuition after that and then got my pay.
Yayyyy .
Self sustainable for awhile.
Then went to NLB to study with YY Jon and Leon.
Not really study la more of do tutorial hahaha .
Quite a nice place to study.
Because can't talk means must focus.
The whole library dam quiet.
Yup quite productive actually.
Finished my Thai and lab.
And started abit on my math.
So yup Jon left early while YY left after studying.
Went to eat with Leon and then headed home.
Not going to study anymore when I reach home tho I think I can hahaha.
Okay maybe abit .
Still feeling awesome after mid terms hahaha .
Can't wait to watch everest and attack on titans with anyoneeee .
If you're reading this and also wanna watch jioooo.
Come to think of it.
When I hvnt got into uni that lost period.
Really quite scary to be alone and having too much thoughts.
Sitting at the playground again writing this.
As I think back, that period of time was just me giving myself too much stress.
Hahaha.
As far as I'm alright now, I still miss going overseas.
Well everyone does.
Really quite busy now but I really hope my mind still has space for some reflections here and there.
Time to dota HAHAHA .
okay study bit first.
See y'all .
Saturday, October 3, 2015
Raw
It's great to be climbing again.
I've stopped taping my finger.
And it feels alright.
It's really a full day of climbing today.
Hahaha.
Woke up at 8am, wanted to go earlier cause needed to zao earlier for GER1000 paper today.
But end up reaching at around 9.30?
Met YY on the train.
Then met Yu Kai, Josh and Alicia also.
So walked to OS together.
Started climbing straight away.
Cause needed to leave very soon.
So left at around 12.15.
Sat heng tiong's car towards school together with Jing Yang.
Thanks HT!
Yup so after that went to MPSH5 with Jing Yang to check out the campus board in school.
Not baddddddd.
But my fingers were a little raw to pull anything.
Yeah so went to walk around at YIH and met Edwin.
Talk cock abit and while heading towards the exam hall, saw Jon Quek and George.
And yuppppp.
Waste of time paper.
But ITS FINALLY OVER.
Hell week.
Hahahaha.
Yeah so after the paper, was still contemplating whether to go and climb.
Cause like not enough this morning.
So just called Yong Sheng to ask whether he was climbing.
Yay turns out he was climbing.
And he just nice also looking for people to climb.
So yup climbed together.
Until like 7+ then went to do PT.
My fingers are literally dying while typing this.
Oh ya, Aizat was there also.
So long never see him.
He so long never climb also climb from 11am to 7pm.
Hardcore.
Hahaha.
So yup went to eat dinner with the two of them and then headed home with YS.
Just a summary, I'm glad my finger is finally recovering well.
Not restricted by tape anymore.
But still can't pull on pockets.
But it's okay.
I never liked pockets hahaha.
I know all you readers are bored by my life.
Sorry.
But it revolves around climbing.
Hahahaha.
Will update more if there's any.
For now, I'm really relieved that mid terms are finally over.
Time to up one more day of training into the week.
4 times a week and see how it goes.
(Y)
#boringlife
#alittleawkwardturtle
I've stopped taping my finger.
And it feels alright.
It's really a full day of climbing today.
Hahaha.
Woke up at 8am, wanted to go earlier cause needed to zao earlier for GER1000 paper today.
But end up reaching at around 9.30?
Met YY on the train.
Then met Yu Kai, Josh and Alicia also.
So walked to OS together.
Started climbing straight away.
Cause needed to leave very soon.
So left at around 12.15.
Sat heng tiong's car towards school together with Jing Yang.
Thanks HT!
Yup so after that went to MPSH5 with Jing Yang to check out the campus board in school.
Not baddddddd.
But my fingers were a little raw to pull anything.
Yeah so went to walk around at YIH and met Edwin.
Talk cock abit and while heading towards the exam hall, saw Jon Quek and George.
And yuppppp.
Waste of time paper.
But ITS FINALLY OVER.
Hell week.
Hahahaha.
Yeah so after the paper, was still contemplating whether to go and climb.
Cause like not enough this morning.
So just called Yong Sheng to ask whether he was climbing.
Yay turns out he was climbing.
And he just nice also looking for people to climb.
So yup climbed together.
Until like 7+ then went to do PT.
My fingers are literally dying while typing this.
Oh ya, Aizat was there also.
So long never see him.
He so long never climb also climb from 11am to 7pm.
Hardcore.
Hahaha.
So yup went to eat dinner with the two of them and then headed home with YS.
Just a summary, I'm glad my finger is finally recovering well.
Not restricted by tape anymore.
But still can't pull on pockets.
But it's okay.
I never liked pockets hahaha.
I know all you readers are bored by my life.
Sorry.
But it revolves around climbing.
Hahahaha.
Will update more if there's any.
For now, I'm really relieved that mid terms are finally over.
Time to up one more day of training into the week.
4 times a week and see how it goes.
(Y)
#boringlife
#alittleawkwardturtle
Friday, October 2, 2015
NTU
A trip to ntu ytd to study.
Hahahaha great catching up with cyue and weilun.
Wilfred not so much but there's always another dayyyyy.
So yup.
Not a very productive session.
Lol.
Agar.io should be banned in Singapore.
Lao sai game.
Anyway thanks chin yue for letting me stayover!
Next time I'll come again.
With someone else.
Who ?
Which person?
JOHN CENA!!!
DE DE DE DEEEE~
Lol.
Alright time to go lecture.
Bus damn cold.
Gan.
Hahahaha great catching up with cyue and weilun.
Wilfred not so much but there's always another dayyyyy.
So yup.
Not a very productive session.
Lol.
Agar.io should be banned in Singapore.
Lao sai game.
Anyway thanks chin yue for letting me stayover!
Next time I'll come again.
With someone else.
Who ?
Which person?
JOHN CENA!!!
DE DE DE DEEEE~
Lol.
Alright time to go lecture.
Bus damn cold.
Gan.
Thursday, October 1, 2015
How much do I want it?
How much do I want it in climbing?
How much do I have to put in to see the effects?
It's no doubt that climbing may be an Olympic sport in 2020.
It's 5 years time.
I know it may sound stupid but I actually wish I could compete as an international climber.
And I really don't know what's up for me in 5 years time.
It's true that I don't want it hard enough as compared to the others who are training harder than me.
If I could commit my life to climbing, I would.
But I have to balance my life.
I guess the difference between me and the professional climbers is how much percentage of their life they put to climbing.
It's quite a low season now.
Cannot train as much as I want.
Due to studies and also my injury.
But the near goal for me I guess is to make it to inter finals by the end of 2016.
And hopefully by the time I graduate from NUS, open finals.
I guess it's always good to have some goals in mind right.
Hahahaha.
It may sound far but I'm going to train hard for whatever my mind tells me to.
If my mind stops pushing me, then we'll see how it goes.
But for now, I know that my mind is pushing me harder and harder.
Allezzzzzzzzzzz to myself.
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Shag week
It's been a tiring week for me.
And it hasn't even ended.
Ahhhh .
Been trying to catch up all the things that I've not because of climbing.
Tomorrow going ntu to study overnight!!
Or prob will just end up dotaing lol.
Finger finger, you need to recover soon.
Actually just read a fb post about getting better not stronger.
Maybe it's time to hone my techniques even more.
Let's try focusing on the footwork for today's training.
And apply some of my physics to it.
Lol.
Linear momentum is conserved.
Step harder = fly further
On the mrt now!
Shall get drown in music.
:D
And it hasn't even ended.
Ahhhh .
Been trying to catch up all the things that I've not because of climbing.
Tomorrow going ntu to study overnight!!
Or prob will just end up dotaing lol.
Finger finger, you need to recover soon.
Actually just read a fb post about getting better not stronger.
Maybe it's time to hone my techniques even more.
Let's try focusing on the footwork for today's training.
And apply some of my physics to it.
Lol.
Linear momentum is conserved.
Step harder = fly further
On the mrt now!
Shall get drown in music.
:D
Monday, September 28, 2015
End of recess week
Hello guys, it's the end of the recess week.
Which means start of mid term.
Can definitely say I could have put more effort for the mid terms but oh welllllll .
My thoughts are filled with climbing and my future.
Don't really have a lot of motivation to study for now but I guess this is how life is planned out for us.
Without the downs there won't be the ups.
Can't wait for this year end qing dao trip.
So much excites.
Hahaha.
On the other hand, have been thinking of something almost everyday.
Okay actually I think I can remove the word "almost".
It's still early!!!
We'll see how it goes.
This week's going to be challenging.
All the studies coming in to the picture.
Side note, my finger tendons are recovering well but not fully yet.
Can't wait to climb like normal again.
It has been taking abit too longggg .
14 days already.
Don't know why I'm blogging while on the train in the morning actually.
Guess I need to let my thoughts overflow here.
For now, let's give the mid terms one times good one so I can rest one times good one.
Hahahaha ciaoz.
Which means start of mid term.
Can definitely say I could have put more effort for the mid terms but oh welllllll .
My thoughts are filled with climbing and my future.
Don't really have a lot of motivation to study for now but I guess this is how life is planned out for us.
Without the downs there won't be the ups.
Can't wait for this year end qing dao trip.
So much excites.
Hahaha.
On the other hand, have been thinking of something almost everyday.
Okay actually I think I can remove the word "almost".
It's still early!!!
We'll see how it goes.
This week's going to be challenging.
All the studies coming in to the picture.
Side note, my finger tendons are recovering well but not fully yet.
Can't wait to climb like normal again.
It has been taking abit too longggg .
14 days already.
Don't know why I'm blogging while on the train in the morning actually.
Guess I need to let my thoughts overflow here.
For now, let's give the mid terms one times good one so I can rest one times good one.
Hahahaha ciaoz.
Friday, September 25, 2015
Earworm
我爱着谁
爱到我有点醉
告诉我你是谁
能够把我让我变不对
你不会累
但我却爱你爱得好累
从没有为了谁
不顾安危付出一切
站在这平衡点
我还是觉得有点危险
或许是看不见
只能够靠感觉
他不会是个好男人
也不会是个好情人
你对我说我们只是擦肩而过
好的男人有那么多
少了他的日子也能过
我不会再让你寂寞
也不会让你更难过
你听我说要好好学着去生活
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过
你听我说
你不要这么做
你不要看着我
说你已经知道怎么做
你很难受
我愿意陪你一起承受
只要你不怕痛
再多坎坷我都陪你走
站在这平衡点
我还是觉得有点危险
或许是看不见
只能够靠感觉
他不会是个好男人
也不会是个好情人
你对我说我们只是擦肩而过
好的男人有那么多
少了他的日子也能过
我不会再让你寂寞
也不会让你更难过
你听我说要好好学着去生活
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过
他不会是个好男人
也不会是个好情人
你对我说我们只是擦肩而过
好的男人有那么多
少了他的日子也能过
我不会再让你寂寞
也不会让你更难过
你听我说要好好学着去生活
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过
爱到我有点醉
告诉我你是谁
能够把我让我变不对
你不会累
但我却爱你爱得好累
从没有为了谁
不顾安危付出一切
站在这平衡点
我还是觉得有点危险
或许是看不见
只能够靠感觉
他不会是个好男人
也不会是个好情人
你对我说我们只是擦肩而过
好的男人有那么多
少了他的日子也能过
我不会再让你寂寞
也不会让你更难过
你听我说要好好学着去生活
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过
你听我说
你不要这么做
你不要看着我
说你已经知道怎么做
你很难受
我愿意陪你一起承受
只要你不怕痛
再多坎坷我都陪你走
站在这平衡点
我还是觉得有点危险
或许是看不见
只能够靠感觉
他不会是个好男人
也不会是个好情人
你对我说我们只是擦肩而过
好的男人有那么多
少了他的日子也能过
我不会再让你寂寞
也不会让你更难过
你听我说要好好学着去生活
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过
他不会是个好男人
也不会是个好情人
你对我说我们只是擦肩而过
好的男人有那么多
少了他的日子也能过
我不会再让你寂寞
也不会让你更难过
你听我说要好好学着去生活
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过
就算未来有多少错
至少还有我的问候
我的温柔陪你度过
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