Sigh

Really fucking tilted by myself.
Why do I not warm up properly before climbing?
Today's climb was really a shitty climb.
Left middle finger A2's pain is increasing.
Just strained my left shoulder / lats really badly.
It's 2 weeks to Philippines national and I must say my body is fucked.
I hate this shit man.
I hate it that when my confidence and climbing is peaking then the body just had to break.
I feel so damn upset.
I really hope it isn't that bad a strain so that I can at least still compete and climb in baguio.
I felt so disorientated right after I realised I can't leave my shoulders without pain.
How many times must this happen before I learn my fucking lesson.
Always pushing my body to the limits and then hurting it.
I need to manage the psyche to train and the body's capability.
This hurts really bad man.
My distraction for studies is going down and the academics gonna start haunting me again.
It really hurts so bad to know that I'm so ready to train hard and boom there goes the chance to.
Please recover..
I really want to do my best in the nationals.
It's my one and only chance to.
Sigh.
Feels fucking bad man.
Zzz