The worst day of my life.
This was what I had experienced 10 months ago.
Fuck it.
How I hope things were so simple.
How I hope "Ming tian hui gen hao"
44 days.
A short period of time but it seemed so long.
44 days of happiness, motivation, frustration, jealousy, anger, pain and all the feelings you can think of.
And now, it has all come to an end.
Didn't expect anything to happen, when the message came, I knew that today is going to be a bad day.
Why?
Why this day?
Can't you wait?
A day before prelim when my life collapsed, with all those motivation built up.
Why?
I keep trying to think that I would not be affected, but obviously I knew that was not going to happen.
As I wrote notes for my history just now, words would just be spelled wrongly.
Without become withould.
From that point of time, I knew I'm going to be badly affected by this.
It's hard to let go.
It's really hard.
We were so close.
And I was so confident about everything.
It had hit me hard.
Right into my brain.
Where I can't even think properly.
As I crossed the road just now, I just wished the car would bang me and allow me to forget everything.
I wanted to talk to Chong Yu about this.
But just as I want to open my mouth, tears just came out.
Even as I am writing this, I really cannot control.
And the worst part of everything? Tomorrow is the start of prelim.
I'm stress and I'm sad.
It's like fighting an internal war, with two fronts.
Now I have no one to share to about my life.
Things just came too suddenly.
What were the feelings that you have mentioned?
Did it just disappear?
I was foolish.
It hurts me to see how you are able to continue in your studies.
Why can't I?
There are just too many memories.
Guys remember too much stuffs.
How I wished I could lie down beside you forever.
This is killing me.
It's hard for guys to cry.
But I did.
Yet again.
After 10 months.
My eyes are hurting, but at least my heart felt better for a moment when I did.
I really need someone to talk to.
Most of the time I could share my frustration with you, but now you became part of it.
I really wanted to do well.
And I still thought the talk in the afternoon changed everything.
But I was wrong.
You just managed to deceive me.
And hid what you wanted to say.
You were right, I was having too high of a hope.
But of course there's a hope, when everything just seems to fit perfectly.
Just like a puzzle.
Everything was going on so well.
Problems were settled.
But looking back, I realised actually nothing was settled.
What I'm afraid now is I cannot concentrate on my studies.
I need some time to calm myself down.
I think I'm going to screw up my prelims.
The separation is going to be tough.
It's all about me now.
I have to fight.
Move along.
I thought love was simple, it didn't turn out this way.
There were only 2 girls in my life that made me cry.
And one of them is you.
This shows how important you are in my life.
You brightened my life then, but you brought my life down too.
Maybe you were right, being friends is the best option but I know it will take a long long time.
A long time.
Don't feel bad after reading this.
Just live on with your life.
Because I will.
Hope you are able to achieve your goals.
I'm starting to suspect whether I can.
Goodbye to you, the sweetest girl ever.
Will my heart still beat for you? I don't know.
And I don't want to say "I hope not"
P.S I miss you
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