Sometimes

it feels like being normal or happy is a choice.

Like it can be done if we actually want to.

But what's holding us back.

I think it's some sort of uniqueness that we want to feel.

The feeling that we are different from others.

There's just something unreal about being down here.

Something that most people don't understand.

Which empowers the reasoning of wanting to stay in the dark side sometimes.

Yet, when it gets too overwhelming, we can't find ourselves back.

At least we try to convince ourselves that it is temporary.

But yet again, the over-convincing sub-consciousness never fails to push us back down.

And when we're past the fog, on the surface, gasping for air, reality kicks in so hard that we don't know who we are anymore.

Which leads us back to reconsidering whether it's actually better to be under it.

There is certain comfort in hiding back behind the fog because there are certain truths in our thoughts, or maybe it's just a self-projected reality that we enjoy being in.

And the ever changing decision to pop back out or dive back under becomes an inescapable cycle that follows every thought, be it whichever reality that we're in.

It becomes inseparable in both dimensions.

And this never ending cycle makes us so tired.

And bored sometimes.

That we feel like we need to do something to poke right through the cycle.

To find another dimension to ease our boredom.

I think that's when psychosis comes in.

The point where nothing actually makes any more sense.

And that temporary lost of identity.

And the soul inside of our bodies remain too trapped within the cycle.

With an overwhelming force that brings the cycle further and further away from interactions, connections and feelings.

All that's left, just a dark abyss of nothingness.

Lol don't even know what I'm writing.

Sleep.