My old friends, if I don't turn up for meetups or I reject meetups, please understand that life hasn't been that nice to me.
Or rather life in my own perspective.
I don't know how to explain what's going on with me.
Life hasn't really been that bad in the physical sense.
Like I have friends who I can count on, my family is fine, and like still doing what I like to do like climbing etc.
But it's just this annoying little feeling that's inside.
Like what they say "an itch that can't be scratched".
I guess I might seem like I'm turning everyone down or like I'm avoiding everyone.
But do know that I still think of every single one of you (if you matter enough)
Sometimes it gets a little lonely and time is a little hard to pass.
But I tell myself that it'll pass soon.
Sometimes it gets a little dark here, but there are people who hold their torches and come and find me and I'm really appreciative of them.
And then there are people who are in this dark place with me.
I can't see them, I don't really know how bad things are going on over there, but I do know we're together in this darkness.
Writing this just makes me feel like maybe I'm starting to accept who I am?
And that my thoughts may be wired differently from other people.
And that it's okay that people don't understand?
Yet there's this constant self-doubt about how I'm feeling.
Yesterday you told me "I feel like maybe the more you question yourself, the more you're going to be?"
I do ask myself that question though.
And I've been trying to shun off thoughts of self-questioning the whole of today.
But when I'm alone and I have time to think, it starts.
Though it's not uncontrollable, it's still there.
Lol.
I don't know.
Before it gets uncontrollable, let's just keep it here for tonight.
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