Internal struggle

These few days have been some sort of an internal struggle.
It seems like everywhere I go, I am physically there but not spiritually.
It feels like something is missing.
And today when I woke up and crossed the road to have lunch, it triggered some thoughts when the afternoon sun blazed upon me,
The sunlight seemed to pour reality onto me.
And I realised I've been too sucked into something.
It's not just you.
But something.
I don't know how to explain that feeling but all I know is that I'm missing out something in me.
Or maybe it's just the feeling of emptiness.
But as I think harder about it, maybe it's not just emptiness.
I felt like I have lost the ability to think clearly.
And I'm letting my emotions control me.
And sipping on the ice milo with a cigarette on the other hand, I took a step back and looked at myself.
I think I'm lost.
Yet again.
Somehow feeling that physical interactions are not of any importance.
Thinking back on the darker days last year, I didn't think I was crazy.
Maybe it's part of a metamorphosis.
It's part of a process of growing up and learning more about myself.
To be honest, I am starting to get sick of this lingering lifestyle.
There's one more month before school starts.
I think I can do better than just working and spending money.
Because I know that I will regret not doing certain things when school starts to get the better of me.
And somehow, I just sort of feel that you will understand all this.
It's really quite crazy how I've only met you for a few months and I feel so much about myself.
And some times, when all these thoughts and questions surface in my head, I'd like to push it back down with a "I don't know".
Maybe this explains the lost feeling.
And yup, I think instead of pushing these thoughts back, I think I should face it bravely and give myself an answer.
Just what do I want in life?
Adulthood is really kicking in hard.
Wisdom depletes Happiness?
Or maybe it could lead to greater Happiness.
Let's see for ourselves.