Mixed feelings

I guess this marks the end of this episode.
The past 8 days of non-stop thoughts hasn't been healthy for me I guess.
And tonight's talk was the clearest of all.
Honestly, I do feel painful about all this that has happened.
And your words of clarity did magic to my mind.
It's a mixture of emotions.
I can't say that I don't feel hurt.
Cause that will be lying.
But I know this is just going to be temporary.
What's more important is the lesson that I learnt from you.
Can't really put into words what I've learnt.
But I think I definitely find myself liberating from the past few days.
The night sky never seemed brighter today.
And the smoke seemed less heavy tonight.
All of my thoughts are slowly piecing up.

I've definitely learnt a lot from this.
Even though it's just a short period of time.
6 weeks after getting your number?
Hahaha.
But yeah, I'm so glad that I've met you and that you're an experience to my life.
Though all this will just be a memory like I've mentioned, but don't everyone agree that memories are what shape who you are today.
You are interesting.
And I find it very pleasing to talk to you.
Because it seems like all our deeper conversations seem to bring out what I'm truly thinking.
It's nice to know that some of our thoughts are similar.
Like how we think that people who don't think about all these things are like ?!?!
How can people live without thinking of all these?
I'm glad I found someone who I can talk to openly about my life thoughts.
Purpose of living and stuffs like that.
Though we share very different thoughts about the purpose of living, it still feels great that I am able to open up to you about my thoughts and not feel stupid talking about it.
I'm really happy that I found you and approached you.
It was never a mistake and will never be.
As much as the past few days were so painful.
Crying because of having too much thoughts, tonight it became clear.
It became clear because all these thoughts pieced together.
I feel like I've become more matured about things about relationship.
It's never just a "try".
If it's not meant to be it will never be.
It's not just a physically bonded thing like how I feel good around you.
But it also has to be a mentally bonded.
If not it'll never work out.
I'm not blaming it on you.
Or rather I've never feel that I've blamed you for anything.
If anything, I find that I've learnt a little more about life as a whole.
It felt like my thoughts about girls and relationship over the past 6 years have been dug out by you.
I will definitely be a wiser person after this.
The past 8 days and more isn't just thinking about the past 6 weeks.
I guess it's more of thinking about the past 6 years.
I don't know how to put into words actually.
But it's just a nice feeling to know that my mind is clearer now.

I won't know how long I will take to totally straighten out my thoughts.
It's definitely going to take some time.
But don't worry because I think I'm strong enough to handle this.
However, as a friend, I still feel like I will worry about you.
And I really really really really wish that one day you'll text me and say "Hey! I got out of it."
I guess somehow I know how you feel.
I can't say I totally understand how you feel but I guess I know a little.
Because there was a period of time in life that I was just so lost and empty.
And thinking back at that period of time just scares me.
I don't know whether it's a good thing to say that "I understand how you feel" because you'll probably feel that "NOPE YOU DON'T"
Hahaha but yeah, maybe I don't and the past few days I really just wished that I understand and could share some of your burden you feel.
But thinking back on those dark days of mine back in 2015, it really felt like nothing matter any more in this world.
Friends seemed superficial.
And all I feel was nothing.
I know it's not a good thing to be telling you about this but I just felt like I might as well tell you.
I don't know about you but it helps to talk to people.
And know that I will still be a whatsapp or a call away if you ever ever need someone to talk to.
It's true when you said that it's a waste of energy but it's definitely not a waste of time knowing you or the process of knowing you.
In these weeks, you've made me realised more things about my own life than I'd ever be with endless alcohol.

I don't know how much you trust me for you to believe me that you've done something great in my life.
But I don't think I'm a good liar in the first place.
Hahaha.
I'm imagining how I'll feel when I read back on this post 5 years down the road.
It's definitely a sweet memory.
An opening experience if I were to say it.
And with that, I end this post.
Thank you so much.
:)