Supposed to feel happy that I'm turning a year older yesterday.
Feels weird that it didn't feel like a birthday yesterday.
Maybe cause I didn't get to blow a cake hahaha.
I'm getting this fact that we shouldn't expect too much from others sometimes.
It will make you feel better.
Btw I'm not talking about the bbq last night.
The bbq was good :)
Drank so much yesterday.
Can't believe next year I'm turning 20.
Been blogging on this blog since I was 16.
Hahaha.
So much has changed in the past 3 years.
Feels soooooooooo damn weird.
I've changed so much and it scares myself sometimes.
You all must be thinking, "lol this weepin gonna start blogging sentimental stuffs again"
But I feel really good just typing my thoughts out.
So just let me rant abit.
Army has been very very tiring for me.
Both mentally and physically.
But definitely more mentally.
Everyday while I'm inside, I'm thinking of coming out.
Hoping the day would end faster, hoping the day would be happier inside.
Hoping that commanders won't be that strict on us.
Hoping that we got more admin time.
Thinking of what is happening on the outside world.
And feel so sad while stuck inside.
People having freedom out there while I'm here doing my route march, IPPT, THT, smlj sai also have.
Then while I'm outside, I can't seem to enjoy myself as much as I wanted it to be when I'm inside.
Cause there's this "dread booking in" feeling following you around wherever you go.
And just when you're starting to enjoy yourself, you realised it's a sunday.
And it's hours before you book in.
This feeling makes me want to cry.
It really sucks.
I bet everyone feels the same way as me too.
But I guess I took it more negatively as compared to the rest.
I'm really shagged of army life.
Can't wait to ORD and lead some normal lifestyle out there.
Where there aren't routines.
Where there aren't uncertainty.
Where you can decide what you want to do next week, next few days or even the new few hours.
I just feel so trapped.
I guess the past few days has thought me not to expect for things.
It really sucks when reality < expectations.
Hahaha.
I really thought it would be that easy.
Who knows?
Sigh.
Both mentally and physically.
But definitely more mentally.
Everyday while I'm inside, I'm thinking of coming out.
Hoping the day would end faster, hoping the day would be happier inside.
Hoping that commanders won't be that strict on us.
Hoping that we got more admin time.
Thinking of what is happening on the outside world.
And feel so sad while stuck inside.
People having freedom out there while I'm here doing my route march, IPPT, THT, smlj sai also have.
Then while I'm outside, I can't seem to enjoy myself as much as I wanted it to be when I'm inside.
Cause there's this "dread booking in" feeling following you around wherever you go.
And just when you're starting to enjoy yourself, you realised it's a sunday.
And it's hours before you book in.
This feeling makes me want to cry.
It really sucks.
I bet everyone feels the same way as me too.
But I guess I took it more negatively as compared to the rest.
I'm really shagged of army life.
Can't wait to ORD and lead some normal lifestyle out there.
Where there aren't routines.
Where there aren't uncertainty.
Where you can decide what you want to do next week, next few days or even the new few hours.
I just feel so trapped.
I guess the past few days has thought me not to expect for things.
It really sucks when reality < expectations.
Hahaha.
I really thought it would be that easy.
Who knows?
Sigh.
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