I wonder

 if people drop their hair like this from constant stress.

Hahaha.

Didn't blog for quite awhile..

Updates for last week.

Managed to chiong a lot of work.

Non-stop working.

Lost $200 at MJ at Kenny Leng house.

And contemplating whether to quit MJ.

JK

Anyway, just wanted to write that the stress isn't going away.

I guess I need to completely finish everything before the stress goes away.

But sadly, I think work can never be finished.

And I think it's about time management now.

Like really plan my time properly, schedule climb, me time (that includes learning / get inspired time), family time and work.

I think if I go on like this (just focusing on work), I'll definitely drop even more hair and go insane.

But I keep procrastinating on making time for myself.

Fk it let's just mark in the calendar a day in May where no one will touch me.

...

15 MAY

No one will touch me on that day.

Right now I'm thinking, what if a easy 1k job comes in on that day.

Lolz.

Okay no time to blog.

Bye.

Okay

 One request from client is able to break my flow of work and send me into panic.

It's 9.57am.

Isn't it a lil too early to panic?

But you know what's the sad thing?

You can't even make time for the panic.

Yesterday's shoot at JM was fun though.

Even though I didn't direct well, but I was considered the director lolz.

Now I know how it feels to direct something not written by you.

It sucks.

Pretty interesting experience.

Feels like a talent manager managing two girls.

HAHA

Okay, why am I thinking about yesterday.

I guess this is exactly what I talked about yesterday.

Mind jumping from one place to another.

Anyway, was also thinking how do freelancers get MC?

I legit went to search.

NOPE.

Only one link which is a freelancer guide.

The rest is government's grant if we ever get major illness or something like that.

Didn't bother checking.

One funny thing was even the freelancer article mentioned,

"If the deadline is tight, you just have to grit your teeth and get through it. (Do remember to take a lot of rests in between)"

HAHAHAHA.

Ded la.

And yesterday I found out I was INFJ-T

I AM FREAKING SHOOKT

I can't accept the fact.

But after thinking about it for a few good hours, I've starting to accept it because I realised back when I was an INFP, my P and J was always very close.

But I guess something shifted then.

I just can't think of what made that change.

Okay too much time blogging, time to go eat breakfast and do work.

Not bad, am actually getting back the habit of writing. (Doesn't feel forced)

Let's keep it uppp

Brain is everywhere

 Is it a problem that sometimes when I talk to people, the topic changes so randomly?

One sec I can be talking about my career, next about gathering plans, next about stocks, next about douyin.

Lol, maybe just happy to be able to talk to people.

Anyway, I was thinking about this idea.

About how I am like a neither here nor there kind of person.

I feel that since young, I can fit in most social groups.

Because I kinda can change the way I interact and talk to people.

Not trying to say it's same impressive because most people can too.

But what I am trying to say is that it daunt on me that actually, maybe because of this characteristic, I am merely just a small part of every group of people in my life.

Be it climbing group of people, NUS people, sec sch, my work friends, army or even family.

And even right now I feel that I am a lupsup creative.

If that two words make sense.

Idk when I think of creative people, they dress creatively, they write creatively, they think creatively and they talk on a level which I always find very amazing.

Even though I'm in a creative industry, I drink beer at kopitiam, I talk like a typical neighbourhood secondary school student and I don't know how to dress up.

YET, I feel like I can communicate well with the two extremes.

Do yall get what I mean?

I always just feel like I'm floating somewhere.

Okay finally wrote this random thought out.

Been thinking about it here and there for the past month.

And then back to the topic of me randomly changing topics. (As seen)

I really don't know if this is a malfunction of the brain or what sia hahahaha.

Time to research and read about this and see if there are people who face similar issues.

Okay bye going for shoot.

7AM

 Have been trying to wake up for 7am for the past weeks.

Some days I make it some days I don't.

But I would say 80% of the time I do.

Just thinking about how long it takes for my brain to properly boot.

Or rather reboot from the fuzz the night before.

Currently it's 8.30am and I feel like I finally feel like I'm okay to start working.

This morning shit takes so damn long.

Don't know why but some days are faster than others.

It's as if the brain didn't properly rested.

Anyway, work has been getting smoother.

(It wasn't just half an hour ago.)

Perspective changes so quickly with the mood.

I swear I was panicking when I was eating breakfast just now..

And thought about all the work that I can't finish.

Now thinking again, I think I'm in quite a good pace.

Just need to keep this up and hopefully all my backlog should be able to finish by 20 April.

I hope nothing weird pops out in between.

On the bright side, shooting for Jianmakers tomorrow again.

Am always happy to shoot with them.

Maybe cause it's less boring of a job.

If I managed to finish all of these before 20 April, really hope to be able to shoot my short at the end of April.

Will need some producer job first beforehand though.

Am excited to finally see that it is slowly coming through.

And hopefully, with more practice, I can shoot more and more.

And even shoot what I wrote back in Year 4 about bullying~

Got so much to learn.

Technical and non-technical skills.

Alright I think I've wrote enough.

Back to work! 

(Hope to write 3 times a week~)

Who's reading?

 Just wondering who are these handful of readers still here.

I don't know but as I was walking home just now, I was thinking about how I should write everyday again.

As a habit.

Read my previous post.

About being self-aware and DP.

I think this writing down my thoughts definitely help with self-awareness.

It's as if when I forget about what happen just yesterday, I can read and remember how I felt and what I was thinking at that point in time.

This blog has been around since I was Sec 3.

That makes it 12 years old.

One of the things that have been constant throughout this 12 years.

If I put myself in my 15 year old self, I would be pretty amazed that I am still blogging.

Kinda like a "lol, this dude still writing."

But yeahhh, just wanted to write it out here that I am satisfied yet stress about my life now.

I backspaced when I wrote "Stress yet satisfied" hahaha.

Have been getting jobs from Mediacorp, AAG and NUS.

I think these are my biggest 'clients' right now.

They have boosted my career by a lot and I am currently learning a lot more about the non-technical side of stuffs.

To name a few, quotations, management, relationship and timeline.

I'm still not the best at all these stuffs but I am learning bit by bit.

As I was bathing just now, I just thought whether I could continue this.

I'm definitely tired and burnt out.

So how do I continue doing this if I am like this.

And just kept thinking whether I can be happy with who I am.

Sad.

Was in such a flow to write but got interrupted by Keith.

It's okay, I shall end it here since I've to start doing work too.

Hope to blog more even if I'm busy or tired or have no feels to.

I think it will really help me to feel.

And also help with being self-aware.

Slow the FUCK down

 Brain, you have been overworking lately.

You need to slow the FUCK down.

You don't have to overwork just because there's too much work.

Slow down.

Take it bit by bit.

Still waiting though.

For the day when I can disappear.

I should force set a day.

A lil too loud

This morning was quite loud.

Might be cause of the dream.

Might be lack of sleep.

While I was showering just now, was trying to understand my current mental state.

I realised I'm mostly blank most of the time.

It's either that or it just explodes at one moment and the things I've tried to block come all at once.

It's like a ticking bomb.

And also, while I was showering, I was thinking to myself.

If I could do anything right now, what's the things I wish to do now?

I wish to talk to you.

I wish to shoot a story.

I wish to have a mental state that is always self-aware, instead of DP-ing it away.

Yesterday, went to khai's place to have lunch and realised I haven't seen all of them for a good 3 months?

And also haven't climbed for 2 full months.

Honestly it is the longest break from climbing (other than me breaking my leg)

And how do I feel about that?

I don't know, I can't really say I miss it.

But yet I still kinda miss it?

It's a weird feeling.

Gonna go hiking with the bros soon.

Haven't exercised for so long, honestly quite scared hahaha.

Hustle culture?

What's wrong with hustling?

Murphy's law

 Two days of murphy's law, this needs to be logged.

Didn't bring HDMI yesterday, grab to buy and grab to go back set.

Didn't return pass today, already reaching studio, then receive call that I forgot to return.

So buona > paya > buona > hougang.

(Spent a total of 1/4 of my earnings on grab lol.)

What da fak.

Asked Ivan help me dabao dinner cause I damn late.

Came home and realised I forgot I told my mum I cooked.

Fuck

Then ask Ivan cancel, then realised my bro hvn't eat.

Then ask him to don't cancel.

Then my bro say nvm cancel.

But Ivan alr ordered.

Then everyone unhappy.

Wooo

Fking shit two days.