3 days

I think it has come to the point where I need to write my thoughts down.
When I woke up I felt so many things, it was too overwhelming.
I guess I need an outlet to pour out whatever that I'm thinking of right now.
It's 3 days left to the end of uni life.
The past few days have been really a blur.
Spending more time playing ML rather than studying.
I don't know how to feel about this.
But I know I am so excited of what to come.
There's so many things I want to do after uni ends (life starts).
I feel like I've been trapped in this education system for too long.
I've been someone who has been dissing Singapore's education system ever since secondary school.
Like what was the whole point of going through this.
What application does this formula that I've learnt have in the real world?
None.
But having finishing uni soon, or rather finishing the whole package of the education standards in Singapore, I must say that it isn't really the content that mattered to me (at least to me cause I'm not doing anything related to my degree).
But instead, it was the whole community of young and aspiring people.
It was the friends I made, the seniors I looked up to, the people and the interactions that made education.
I learnt life skills.
Leadership, handling of stress, empathising with people, working with a group of people, personal relations, the joy of seeing something work after putting in hard work and especially doing something you don't like to do, basically going out of comfort zone.

3 more days.
2 more paper.
9 am on 29 April and 1pm on 30 April.
I'll be officially free from this.

Honestly, my train of thought is broken already haha.
But before I leave, I just wanted to remind myself about the darkness.
Because when I woke up today, the presence of it surrounds me.
I know for sure that it had never leave me.
But just that I've been keeping it under control.
Or rather life has been really kind to me to be able to keep it under control.
"You better cherish her", said shermz.
I better do.
And I hope that this darkness doesn't lead me to irrational speech.
It's scary how sometimes I say the things I say and then looking back and question myself "Did I really say all that? Did I really mean that?"

Then again, the frequency of me blogging kinda also means that I've been well.
I know that I have not been feeling so stuck in the abyss anymore.
But it's just a tingling feeling everyday I guess.
And it doesn't break the wall that I've built up.
Things are good I guess.
And I hope it'll get better.

Or rather, let's make it better.
Since I feel like I have the authority over my life decisions now.

One step at a time.
3 more days.
I am scared.
But I am so looking forward to it.