Updates about myself

Been thinking about quite a lot of things.
I mean since when I don't.
I have a paper in 2 hours time but I'm deciding to write this down since it's rare I get a peaceful morning.
I want to be honest with how I am now.
And so here it is.

Lots of things have happened for the past month.
None of them is linked to me directly.
I've cried, I've felt the pain, I've empathised with all of your emotions.
But if it's the me in the past, I think I'd have crashed and hide from the world.
But this time things were different.

I find it amazing how the mind creates a habit that has saved me couple of times.
It's like when I know my mind is going to wander into the abyss, it stops.
It stops and the book pops out.
All the words from the book start spilling all over the creases on my brain.
Everything stood still.
It was a moment of presence.
I become self-aware of my thoughts.
Aware of how my mind always wants to bring me back to a torturous place.

I think I am better at listening to people now without having to 'possess' them and take the pain all to myself.
I think I've learnt to separate myself.
Instead of being in everyone's head all the time.
I still do sometimes, but it lasts shorter now.

Career wise, I'm really glad to take Vanessa's video up.
It gave me a portfolio and kinda opened up to more opportunities.
OSA approached me yesterday to ask if I could do the post event production for them.
Honestly, it took me really long to decide not because I was busy.
But I was more afraid that I could not produce up to that payslip.
In the end, I have decided to do it, and I would put in 100% effort to make the video perfect.
So what is perfect to me?

0.01 makes a difference in a video in my eyes.
If the video is off with the music just by a little bit, it isn't perfect.
Colour.
To ensure similar levels throughout the video.
Exposure.
Perfect levels for all clips even if it's just 0.01.
Transitions.
Appropriate and timed perfectly with audio and audio effect.
3rd person POV.
Re watch video through the lens of different target group.

I really want to do this well.
It is indeed another stepping stone for me.
Who knows?
I could impress DBS with this video?
:')

Right, and back to academics.
I've really lost all motivation to study.
Hahahaha.
There's so much more out there but I feel so stuck right now.
Doing the bare minimum I can now to graduate.
Let's just hope I can graduate on time.

Would not say that I'm in a good place now.
But definitely in a better place than before.
I'll continue to be self-aware of my thoughts.
That's probably the most important that I've received from the book.

Time to work hard.