Been an interesting day in my head

So, I was asked to meet a client who was interested in looking for photographers.

And then came the meeting which I was late for.

And I think it caused a bad impression of me as a person.

In addition, I did not bring the files which I am supposed to show her.

And hence, it triggered a series of thought process which I am currently still thinking about.

So it goes a little something like this.

To shoot food, I need to have at least a 35mm lens.

Or something macro.

And also good lighting which I have no idea.

I quoted 75 an hour while the previous photographer is charging at 400 an hour.

I told Kenny that honestly, they're paying too much for that photographer because yes, it is a series of good photos, but I won't quote someone this price, it's quite ridiculous.

And then, I thought about me having to rent a lens and lighting.

Also having to research on macro photography and the usage of lights.

To be honest, I felt like I was going to lose money at the end.

At the expense of my busy schedule.

And then came the thought that, I should actually have a way to tell people what kind of photos I shoot and what videos I do etc.

So I decided that I need to start a website in the future.

With all my portfolios inside which I can show to my future clients.

So I need to keep shooting at the start.

And then suddenly came the downpour.

I thought that I wouldn't be able to make it.

And just a surge of negativity about my whole outlook of life.

I felt like things were of no purpose.

I felt like I am just dreaming to run away from the reality of work life and adulthood.

There was this voice in my head to ask me to wake up.

Just go and do a 9-5 job.

Use your physics degree as a backup.

Until I saw a man who was in his 60s.

And the 15 year old me shouted right at my face.

This is what you told yourself.

You are not going to be sucked into society.

No matter how shitty life is going to be, you don't want to succumb to the easy way out.

There won't be any purpose for you to lead a life just like anyone out there.

There's so much more out there.

And then I just thought to myself, I have surges of motivation in a pool of low motivated periods.

I felt like this is how I am as a climber, a PD, a captain and a person.

Sometimes just wish that this surges of motivation comes every living day when I open my eyes.

I know some people just have it.

But is it something that is in-built, or do we find it?