Father's day

Yea what a fucking great father's day quarrelling with my dad.
I fucking hate these occasions.
Always a reminder of how fked up a son I am.
Telling me to go and find work to do during holidays.
As if I got time to work.
And there he goes saying I'm always spending time doing other useless stuffs.
If I find it useless would I even be doing it in the first place.
Why can't I just have any support to what I want to do.
Yes, both of you didn't say anything much about me buying my camera and yes I do appreciate it alot.
But why?
Why can't y'all see the efforts I'm putting into my life.
Why are these things not considered efforts to yall.
And climbing too, I never felt supported by yall.
I know I can't be the best climber but it's something I love to do.
It sucks man.
How much I wanted to go rinjani but just the thought of quarrelling with yall just turns me off completely.
Sometimes, it's not the fact that I'm not grown up.
It's yall treating me as if I'm still a boy.
And yes, because of that sometimes I get agitated and act more like it.
It's my personality.
And I hate that too.
I'm just sorry that my perspective of life is just so different from the family.
Finishing my education, going to work.
And die.
Fucking die while working.
That's not what I want from life.
Can't you all see that already?
Sigh.
I don't like these days at all.
And to think that both of your birthdays' are coming.
I am afraid.
I am so afraid of plunging down into this self blame again.
I just hate occasions like this.