One of those nights

That I feel clearer with thoughts.
Sometimes I feel as if I think so much that words aren't even enough to describe certain things anymore.
And that's also one of the reason why I picked up reading books maybe.
Hoping to increase my language capabilities.
As someone that has blogged for 6 years and counting, sometimes I have so much thoughts in my mind that I want to spill it all out over here.
But it feels like I am incapable of cleansing everything out from the brain.
Tonight was a lonely night I guess.
But it was definitely quality time spent alone and I honestly enjoyed it.

"What if it is today?"
If today is the day we leave this world.
"If you don't learn about dying, you won't learn about living."
And maybe you're the reason why I've learnt so much about myself after knowing you.
You made me realised how vulnerable life is.
We talked about the topics of living and death.
And it questioned about my own perception of this whole thing called "life".
There's not really a change in value though.
About the purpose of me living.
Wanting to see this world and understanding how this world works.
There's just so many things for me to explore and learn.
To seek knowledge from people.
To see how beautiful this world is.
But yet again, as I grow older, this perception seems to fade in and out on me.
My beliefs are trembled by everyday's living.
And the problem seems to come from how I live everyday recently.
I'm not cherishing the things around me.
If I die today, I would definitely regret a lot of things.
Both done and undone.
No matter what's going on in everyday's life, the clock of death is ticking.
We're all living towards death.
And what's so important about studying useless things which don't matter anymore.
And working so hard to chase something which will backfire in a few years to come.

I'm actually glad I went through the education path I took.
If not I probably won't be thinking like how I'm thinking right now.
And it's hard for me to imagine what kind of a person I'll be without my current thoughts.
We're all made up of memories and experiences.
That's why I'm glad my parents kind of pushed me to study when I still didn't have the maturity to decide for myself.
Sometimes I wonder whether I want to be happier or wiser.
Or maybe it would just be a different definition of "happier" in the two different scenarios.
There's really more to this post tonight.
But I just don't know how to explain this.
But if any of you are reading this, just ask yourself.
What is it you really want to do?
What if today is the day?

And maybe yet again I just think a little too much here and there.
Hahaha good night.