End of year 1 sem 1

Omg .
I feel alive and kicking
This whole period felt like I'm drowning underwater.
Not seeing the world like I used to see.
So glad it's finally over!
And qing dao is coming so soon!!!
Da excites.

Really wanna thank people who have kept me sane this period of time.
It was really a tough fight hahaha .
The last fight I ever had was BME back in 3 guards .
Hahaha lame.
So yup plans before qing dao.

1. Start rehab on shoulder.
2. Work
3. Do the things I said I would do in the previous posts.
4. Enjoy the awesome holiday.

Hope all of you are surviving or survived the finals.
This whole period really felt like surviving underwater with a pocket of air.
Gasping!!!
Hahahaha.
Friends come jio me do things.
I very lonely.
HAHAHAHA.
Good night.

Doto ?!?

Finals updates

This
week
has
been
hectic
like
fuck.

Lol.
Damn a lot of shit that happened.
Too fast too quickly.
Finally had time to breathe after my calculus paper.

So let's talk about the two papers that I did very badly in.
Been studying very hard for finals.
And I think this whole thing can be related to climbing.
"How hard is hard?"
The more I study, the more I realised I'm quite screwed for this semester.
Lol.
It sucks when I just stare at the questions, shake my feet, look around.
Heart pounding.
So much for studying 12 hours a day.
Shag that's like 3/4 of my awake time.
Oh well, it's not really that bad for me I guess.
I felt like shit when I finished the two paper.
And it sort of told me that I need to be more well organised next semester.
This first semester let's just take it as "TRANSITION PERIOD".
Like BMT "Adjustment period".
Hahahaha so I guess even if results come out shit (which confirm is), I'm more motivated for the next semester.
Maybe I'm not worrying so much since it's a S/U semester.
Really just hope that next semester will be better.
But really on a brighter note, I'm glad that it's going to be over soon.
And QING DAO IS COMING.
Tho my shoulder still hurts (like wtf cannot recover one), I think I'll really enjoy QING DAO.

So yup, that's about the lame part of exam.
Today I went back to Bedok camp.
Not reservist but sort of a briefing for the future ICTs LK and HK.
Hmmmm, it felt really really weird putting on my smart 4, boots and beret again.
And walk in camp.
Eat cookhouse food.
Just so much nostalgia in one day.
Comparing life then and now, it's really different.
And both kind of sucks at the sucky parts.
And both were happy moments at the happy parts.
HAHAHA if I made sense.
But yeahhhh, I guess life is like that.
Every phase of life, ups and downs.
You don't suffer, you don't enjoy.
DOTA matches never seemed so fun without exam.
It gets more exciting as your exam is just tomorrow.
LOL.
Kind of can guess what shit I've been doing these few days.

I'm left with ONE LAST paper on Monday.
And after that I'm going to find people to drink.
Yes chin yue you are reading this.
Sibei gian.
Please drink before you all fly.
AND PRAWN.
Cause when you all come back I should be going to China soon.
So yeahhh please meet.
Hahahaha.

Life has been very chill recently.
Or rather after all the exams.
Just sitting down at Hougang Macs alone typing this.
And it just rained.
And music softly playing in the background.
And watch people (students) enjoying their holidays.

Also, two of my friends have some problems recently.
Can't really help them but lend a listening ear.
I really hope I'm a good ear.
Hahaha.
But yeah it's like that.
Life is really full of surprising moments.
It's awesome.
It's like unpredictable.
Just like a movie.
If a movie is predictable, IT SUCKS.
Must have climax.

And anyway, recently I was thinking about this.
Like how real this world is.
People are real people.
People like you and me only keep useful people in your life.
If you're of no use to me, then too bad.
You're out.
I won't find you.
Unless I need you again.
Don't agree with me?
Example.
Sometimes you feel bored.
You wanna have fun.
You look for people who are fun and that makes you happy.
Sometimes you feel like doing this thing.
It would be better if there's this person doing it with me.
So okay let's go find him/her.
Sometimes you feel down.
You need someone to talk to.
You find this friend that will make you feel better.
I mean it's all logical la.
But it's really a very real world.
People become more useful so that more people will appreciate them.
If you're not useful, you're probably someone that ghost around in life.
But not saying it's anything bad or what la.
I was just interested about this concept hahaha.
Read it online somewhere.
Can't really remember.
But yuppppppppp.

Okay I'm going to go study.
Chill study hahaha.
Bye good luck for exam people!!!!#@!
Don't emo.

That moment

When all else doesn't matter
And people seemed to be invisible.
That moment.

Could it be?

Posts

Actually as I read some of my recent posts, I realised it's a little fucked up that all my posts are negative.
Lolol .
Semo lai de.
Why riddat?
Life is such.
But life is happy.
Let's start making a list of things to do after finals!


1. Work @ SUNTEC
2. Draw song yu hua
3. Cook a meal for my family LOLOL
4. Find chin yue to drink
5. Watch may who ?
.
.
.
To add on.

But honestly I worry this will be just like another jcc talk.
After jcc, im going to eat
1. Bkt
2. Chicken rice
3. Macs
.
.
.

LOL. Then end up eating anything else but not the things in the list.

I'm just trying to say I'm scared that I'll just end up dotaing.
Hahahaha.
Shag life.
Oh and I will diligently do rehab to my body.
Like make a schedule.

Omg , I really dam scared none of this will happen.
Can someone just remind me after finals that I do all this.
Lolol.
Okay bye.
Time for my 2nd paper.
After today, 3 core paper.
:O
Good luck all for finals.
Don't emo if you feel stupid.
Everyone is just better at hiding their stupidity.

Dazed

These few days have been a dazed.
Like it just feels weird.
Maybe it's partly because of the fact that I didn't climb much.
And also probably the lack of sleep.
It felt good to go back and climb tho.
And I sort of feel like the harder we train, the less we learn to enjoy the sports.
And it's same the other way round.
Quite enjoyed my climb that Tuesday even though my shoulder can't really do shit cause it hurts.
So yeah, Im less worried about my performance in qing dao now cause I won't stress myself over projects or hard routes.
But probably do the best as what my shoulder allows me to.
Can't wait for qing dao.

Anyway, the past two days have been on a studying streak.
Tuesday was a 11am to 3am and yesterday was a 1pm to 10 pm.
It was really tiring but I guess it's all gonna be worth it after the exam.
So yeah, doesn't really hurt to study hard now.
And yup, I went to ntu to study with Ivan and kenny .
On that Tuesday.
Went to ivan's room to study.
Quite conducive cause got personal table hahaha .
But my eyes were trying to shut.
So after that went to find chin yue .
I was lost at hall 14/15 that area lol.
And my phone was dying.
So was kinda really lost lol.
But yeah when i saw the word tee chin yue outside one of the door, I was like oh yeah bitch.
Opened the door and it felt like home LOL.
With chin yue sitting at his table doing his shit on two computer monitor.
So yeah that was 4am.
Dotaed one round with him and Ivan and then suddenly gian to drink.
So yup, manly talk under the star light with gabu gabu mixer.
Until the sun rise.
LOL.
So yup totally died when I went to bed.

Can't wait for finals to be over!
Quite excited to go back to bedok camp on the 26 and also back to suntec after my last paper.
For now, study hard to make all the enjoyments worthwhile.
Allezzz

Happy day

Wow.

It's really rare for me to have a happy day.

I'm really glad to meet up with Kenny and Ivan tonight.

Hahaha it's 3:36am and we just went back home.

Stupid talks and stupid singings at the playground.

When Kenny said "today very happy."

I was like yeah that's true.

Hahaha.

Also, today went to sing K at NTU Alumni's Teo Heng.

Hahaha.

It was fun too!

There was Gwen, Andy, ZW, Celine, Ashely and Alichow.

Always nice to sing and let it out hahaha.

But my voice sucks.

:(

But oh well, enjoyed myself there.

Hope to have more Teo Heng's sessions.

With anyone that is.

Hahahaha.

Thanks Andy for booking today!

Hahahaha.

Oh well, finals going to come and yup, today was really like a PRE PREP for finals.

Mentally.

Hahaha.

Tomorrow onwards will be mugging and full force.

For finals.

Feel quite motivated now after being at the playground with those dogs.

Hahaha.

I guess for finals, I'm just going to try my best.

If the results are not that great, I guess it would be okay.

Because I did my best~

So yeah, saw this video about this student with cancer.

Telling us how we should set short term goals instead.

It kind of feels more realistic.

And yup, you don't know what may happen in the near future.

So achieve your mini mini short term goals.

And life will be brighter.

I guess?

Great dayyyyyyyyyyyy.

After all the bullshit in school.

All the negativity in me due to being not able to climb.

Not able to concentrate in school.

Girl.

Blah.

ya

lol.

Paris attacks

Woke up this morning with this news.

It made me feel uneasy how terrorism is such a real thing that's going on.

Read the recounts and it certainly sent chills in me.

I've just watched the video where the sound of gun shots were heard.

It was definitely not a nice sound to hear.

It just reminded me of times back in Army during live firing.

How loud the weapons were.

And how dangerous it was.

Firing in automatic, the sound was really scary.

It never occur to me how scary it was until I imagined myself in the scene when I read the recounts.

The feeling of seeing blood everywhere, seeing corpse everywhere, hearing cries, sirens, moanings, gun shots and explosion.

It definitely felt like hell.

I really cannot imagine what's going through all the victim's mind.

They must have felt despair.

The cops must have felt fear too.

So much feelings.

For a Saturday morning.

Rants

Just some rants for better Monday.

I have a module that requires me to work with a group.
One of the requirements was to make a poster for our topic.
And I volunteered to do it with the help of another team member's editing.
Because my English sucks and I was just trying my best to contribute to the group.
Yeah so I kind of spent 4 hours doing it (I know it's not a long time).
And sent it to the other team member to add on the stuffs.
Well, she scraped the whole template and decided to do one herself.
Like wtf.
Then in the first place why don't you just do it.
So now it kind of seems to the group that I didn't do any shit but well I could say I tried my best.
But the frustrating thing is the fact that someone puts in so much effort to make a template, make every single detail nicely and bam.
After the 'editing' is done by my group member, it becomes an entirely different poster.
Like literally different.
And to add on to that, that group member wants opinion about the poster.
And gets frustrated when no one replies her question 'how's the poster? Anything needs editing?'
And everyone knows my language skill just suck.
So how am I supposed to comment that this or that need to change.
I guess Im just sour by the fact that I can't do a good poster or anything to do with English.
But it just sucks to have zero recognition from the effort I've put in.
All the other group members don't even know my half completed poster exists.
Fuck.
Annoying module piece of shit .

Can't get used to the people in uni.
So many fake fuck people.
At least I don't put a mask to school.
I just had to link back to those days back in 3 guards.
When my worries are just problems of my men and my oc's taskings.
At least my OC scolds me and tell me wtf I've done wrong right in my face.
Rather than bitching behind someone's back.
It's really getting annoying to wake up and go to school nowadays.
How I wish things could be simpler.
But yeah, I'm thankful for the group of climbers that I am starting to open myself to.
It's life saving.
If this shit continues for 4 years, I guess I'll just sign on.
Fuck the society.

Life of dogs.

Weird morning

Woke up feeling as if I was some sort of robot.
I didn't feel tired, stress, happy, sad or frustrated.
It was just a weird empty feeling.
Maybe it's the Thursday syndrome lol.
But anyway, if I were to compare schooling in uni to schooling in jc, I think the big difference is the number of words said daily.
Been talking so much less when school has started.
And I kind of think it's quite bad for the mind.
But oh well, I guess every phase of life has its worries.
I remember wishing life will have more ups and downs when I was in army.
Guess I got it now but it just seems that being constant wasnt really that bad at all.
I'm just ranting about how life is everchanging with every phase you go.
Every phase in life we will have this goal set in the mind and all the obstacles and setbacks that attack you constantly.
I guess for me in this uni phase now I don't really have a goal yet.
Maybe it sort of explains why I felt like this this morning.

However, I know things will get better as time goes by.
Just like how I used to hate going to school back in JC because all the friends I meet are not of the same frequency.
Well, look at how close I am with my JC friends now.

Growing up with growing maturity make people more analytical about everything.
We are more careful with the words we say and the actions we do because we know that everyone is more analytical now.
Maybe I'm just living in the careful phase now.
Don't wanna say too much to people because I'm afraid it would just be a false and temporary connections between the two parties.
But as time goes by, I'm pretty sure I'll be more comfortable with everything and adapt to life.
Just that this adapting period always take very long for me.

I wonder what problems will I face when I graduate and start working.
Or maybe I won't work!!?!?!
:O hahaha just kidding.

After all this time

You still seem to appear in all sad movies.

Heart attack

Just caught a Thai movie at bugis+
It's the one that violette wautier acts in.
Hahaha a show about workaholics and the result of being one.
Because of work, main character sacrificed all other things in life.
Love is one, the beauty of the world is another.
Kind of relatable since our lives are so busy right now.
We hardly have any time for things that we want.
Or have time for people we love.
It's really scary to realise that I'm actually getting sucked into this system of lifeless life that most live in.
I'm so glad I gave myself an off day today.
Feels like I've been really really busy with 'life' that I lost track of time.
In a blink of an eye, I'm actually 21 now.
A legal adult.
Felt like I have wasted time doing useless things in life.
What does calculus have to do with life 5 years down the road?
I feel like we are all pursuing knowledge for the sake of this system.
And at the end of the day, what do you achieve in life?
Let's just take an example.
5 years ago, we were in secondary 4.
Just try to think of something you've learnt that is useful in your life now.
Was it hard?
That's the whole point I'm trying to bring across.
Maybe it's just me.
Maybe I'm complaining because of the path I chose for myself.
But think for yourself.
What are you ACTUALLY doing in life now?
You may go like "Oh I'm studying right now so I can be successful in the future"
Please do let me know once you become successful.
And then I'll ask you another question "So you're successful now, let me know what have you actually achieved. Are you satisfied with LIFE?"

It's really scary.
And sometimes I do feel very alone in this world because no one seems to understand this part of me.
It sucks.
But nevertheless, it's a great Sunday.
Felt like the past 3/4 months in Uni has been a smokescreen for what I'm actually feeling deep inside.
And today just brought back the feelings I had back before Uni.
Wew