A break from trading

It's been awhile and I must say it has been quite a nice break from trading.

I'm writing this because I just DLL-ed on my account after getting back.

It's been a nice one week of really just focusing on myself and drowning myself in music and drawing I guess.

And watching MVs and films and like getting inspiration for things again.

I felt like myself again.

I went to climb today and it felt good to try hard again.

Getting back to trading today, there is just so much trauma.

I guess even though I already anticipated either I will DLL or up the max amount today, DLL feels so damn familiar and so painful.

And it's scary to be on the fence now seeing the two sides of the field.

One side of the field being completely free from trading. 

Just hustling real hard for money through my works and just improving myself and finding that passion again.

And the other side of the field being focusing on trading with that glimpse of hope that I will succeed one day and be financially free - and then continue focusing on expressing myself.

Honestly at this stage of being 29, it really is scary to choose either side.

I'm just scared of failing either way I guess.

And I have been thinking that trading is the easier choice but it just isn't proving itself after such a long time.

Suddenly just feeling this financial stress all over again.

When I actually had 70 - 80% forgot about it last week.

Or maybe I was just forcing myself to think that I have forgotten about it.

Idk man.

I guess there's less post now on my blog.

And I guess I'm feeling better?

But today just felt like a repeat of everything.