Link

I think there's such a strong link between the current self and the past self.
Being able to feel a certain feeling that you used to feel, it's like an experience altogether.
It brings back the whole feeling.
I don't know what I'm trying to say...
But last night I felt like I was brought back.
The feeling was so strong.
The pain I'd felt for so many people.
Hope you're all doing well wherever you are..

Nicole asked me the other day. What did I do to get out of depression?
The first thought that came to my mind was...
Did I really have depression? Or was I just really really sad?
To be honest, I can't tell.
But I know that my mornings are so much better now.
Just a year back, I remember everytime I open up my eyes in the morning and realise that my existence is filled with so much bizarre pain that I can't explain, I just want it to stop so bad.
I cry in the bathroom for no fucking reasons.
It was tiring, it was dark, it was a place where I wouldn't want anyone to be in.
The harder I shut my eyes, the louder the voices.

But I kinda made it I guess?
Things are brightening up, thoughts are definitely more rational now.
No more emotional weepin.
But I feel that it is like a dormant volcano.
I think only the deepest crack in the earth will send me into a crazy eruption.
But for now I'm good.
I'm afloat.
I'm breathing.
I'm living.

For now.