Her

This movie just fucked up with my brain so badly. It's about a guy who fell in love with an AI. And the ethical question kicks in. What is love? What do you mean by real emotions? It's so beautifully written, it questions our very own existence, our own consciousness. It just inspires me to want to learn to write a good story. It was raw human emotions. Our desires. I can't even describe how I'm feeling now it's really damn fucked up. It just made me into this mess right now and that I just want to type whatever that's going on in my mind. But of course it comes with the fact that I don't know whether it's wise for me to spill my thoughts out there for the world to see.

The movie made me think of you. How I've hurt you. How I've left you sitting at the playground alone and how I just disappeared from your life once and for all. I'm sorry. That's the only thing I could say. I remember you being angry at me for not being able to say what's on my mind. And that I could only write it down. You made me feel like I have a problem. And maybe indeed I have. And that was the cause of my actions. And how the thought of you irked me. But I just wanna say that I am sorry, if you ever read this. We are really too different. Please don't say that I didn't try. It hurts me when people can't see the effort that I put in to keep my life in check. I just hope that you're doing better, and that someone who cares sweeps you up. And let all these be just a memory. It wasn't that bad of a memory afterall I guess. Growing apart...

There's so much changes in my life right now that I realised that I'm still learning. On days like this, I want to open up my entire history of my life and share it with you once more. Maybe it's just a selfish thought of mine... But I feel like maybe you need to understand what's in my mind the whole time. And maybe you'll understand how I can't find the words to say to you when you're hurt deep down inside. I'm so sorry bb that I don't know how to make you feel better. All I can do is just calm myself and remind myself that I need to take care of myself first. It's a shield. I hope you see the importance of this shield to me. I'm afraid that I might just plunge back into the darkness without this shield. And know that I'm doing this for you. I want to protect you. I hope you see things from my view.

Dad. I am so sorry that we've ended up like how we are now. It hurts me so much to think that whatever I'm doing now is never going to make you proud. I know that you just want me to figure out what I want to do. Or rather, you want me to be able to have a sustainable life. I see it. I see where you're coming from. It scares me too honestly, when I think of what the future may hold. But I want you to know that I'm trying really hard too. I want to be able to live a life where I can say that money is not the most important thing in life. And that it's all the interactions, the relationships, and the love for each other that makes life life. It sucks that we're having this cold war now. It's been almost 2 months. I hope we can talk soon, without anyone flaring up at each other.

That was it. I'm glad to have this space for me to write without judgement. Where no one can tell me what's right or wrong. The movie brought me back to my old self. I could feel it. It was nice while it lasted...