Tough

It's a really tough period of time for me.
The hardest part of it is putting these feelings into words.
Pockets of insanity through the day.
I can't even control my emotions in front of people.
Not functional.

I'm going to climb everyday from today on.

It's a goal that I've set for myself.

Conversations with people make me feel less understood.
I've been brushing it off too many times.
However, it's not that I can explain myself there and then on the spot.

Morning heads are screams.
I know it's getting worse.
Because the frequency of these thoughts popping are increasing.
It's like this negative ball of energy in me; it absorbs every rational thoughts of mine.
I just can't get out these days.
It feels so TRAPPED.
A cage that my mind has built.
The steels are getting stronger.
And I've lost that key to open it.
I know it's getting worse.
I need to find the key soon.
Before this trapped animal in me unleash its ugly side.
Hissing at whoever that tries to open the cage.

If only words could.
I think it's the darkness in the world I see that makes things so indescribable.
Sorry, I don't mean see.
Feel.
It's an oppressing omen.
Like watching a horror film.
Or rather, being in a horror film.
You're helpless.
And just awaiting that jump scare.
Your heart beats increase.
Beating to the unknowns of the future.

Irrationality is creeping in as I type this in the confined space of the toilet.
The morning sun just defines so much.
It's like I'm constantly in LIGHT.
But the mind is not taking in any bits of ray.

'I will not be shaken'
I hope?