I wish I am non-existent.
The noise was so loud in the morning that it fills the bathroom.
Fucking mental torture to be dealing with all these thoughts.
I can't switch them off.
The more I remind myself to calm down, the louder they get.
Nothing happened...
But I'm just scared.
Like I imagined scenarios, and thought of pain of the pasts.
And I felt so trapped in my own body.
Can you imagine the anxiety, the pain and the fear keeps on building up.
The thoughts shooting in so many directions that you can't even keep up with.
All that's left is a watcher.
A tired soul watching how the brain is destructing its body.
At that very point in time, I wish I was non-existent.
It's too much for me to deal with.
I need timely reminders that these are temporary.
But you know when you get trapped at that point in time, all we need is an instant switch.
You know the build up of adrenaline when you watch a horror movie.
Just before the ghost comes out, don't you wish you could switch it off.
But obviously, we're in a movie theatre.
The only thing you could do is hide behind your bag / hands.
But hear the noise of the movie as if hiding didn't take you to another dimension of safety.
It's scary.
Out.
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