Boulderactive

It's been quite a rough day for me.
Firstly I was supposed to study before BA meeting but I did nothing of that sort.
But that I only have myself to blame.
Next was BA meeting.
BA meeting felt so stressful.
But I guess it comes with the fact that I'm the overall PD for BA2018.
So, I would like to rant a little.
Just drank a little and I guess it might make my words truer, idk.
Tbh, I'm fucking stress to be the overall PD for BA 2018.
But what's the point of being stress since I was already appointed to be.
There's so much things to do in 9 months before the actual event day itself.
Today's meeting made me ponder and doubt myself about my own capabilities.
I felt like I wasn't up for this role.
Because during the meeting today, I see eyes all on me for answers.
And tbh, I wasn't ready for questions because I myself was just a secretary in the previous comm.
I wasn't very much involved in the marketing side and logistics side.
I was very involved only in registration and replying emails.
Suddenly, it daunt on me that the whole event was up to me to handle.
And I was just so stress about all the questions that came in because I just wanted to say I was as clueless as everyone is.
Had a talk with Theresa and zw after climbing at Kinetics today and I'm so thankful that they were there today.
They reassured me that at the start, that was how I was supposed to feel because they themselves didn't know what to do at the start.
Visioning came along as time comes.
So being so stress, I needed some sort of answers to my own questions.
Went to meet Ferran at his place today to have a drink and chit chat about BA.
And wew, realised that I have such a big shoe to fill and it made me really doubtful of my own abilities.
I was afraid that things fall apart under my leadership.
And I really don't want to see BA2018 to be any less as compared to the previous years.
Theresa and Ferran really calmed me down today about my own capabilities and I'm so thankful for them to talk to me about BA.
I know I have to learn the ropes.
And I really hope that I can handle all these issues that are appearing in my mind.
After talking to Ferran, I realised there's so much things I need to do and so much relationships with people that I have to deal with.
I'm not ready for this but I must be ready no matter what.

To my main BA comm if you're reading this, I hope that things will be fine between us.
I don't want an event to spoil our friendship.
But instead, pull us closer as friends and to be able to support each other through the times.
I know I'm like exaggerating too much but really, with my fogged thoughts (with alcohol) I really hope I'm able to do this man.
I hope that we can work well together and settle things together as a team.
And somehow, I have this feeling that we can and we will.
And I could see us working together towards a common goal.
Hope you girls be patient with me as well since I have such a big role to fill.
Just hope things will be fine :/
I probably should go to sleep.
It's been a long day fighting with my thoughts.
Good night.