Taming the beast

These few days, there's just an increase of involvement with climbing again.
I have no idea why but I feel like the passion is starting to come back.
The feeling of loving to climb just like when I was in JC.
I guess it all started from AYC.
When I had the opportunity to be the official photographer for such a massive event.
From watching young athletes cry and being so affected to editting photos of AYC and making climbing videos.
Meeting Japanese climbers Futaba and Kaito, talking to Rollfilm's Takeshi about photography and videography.
There's just something about climbing that I've missed out ever since I enlisted.
The fire in me died out.
I stopped loving climbing as much as I do.
I think I've forgotten the feeling of being so free and at peace with myself on the wall.
And feeling my body move when I climb.
Watching ashima's climbing videos at 3am reminded me of how I watched YouTube videos of her back in JC.
And it reminded me about how I've treated climbing 5 years ago.
It made me realised how much I've deviated from the purpose of climbing.
The essence of climbing was just lost.
The love for the sport as a whole died down when competition and jealousy took over my head.
This isn't how climbing should be.
I've let the me in the past down.

As of now, struggling to learn to be at peace with myself.
And that's something climbing is going to teach me all over again.
There's just something about climbing and how my head functions.
I need to get that peace back.
On the wall, and in my mind.