Pleasure and Sorrow

Read one of the comments on my blog by a stranger.
Can refer to September's post "Daily dosage of psilocybin"
It's nice when someone tells you that they can relate to your posts.
And enjoy reading your blog.
I guess I won't draft so much things now.
I mean, I guess I would still draft and blog about stuffs that are more, blog-able I guess.
Thanks for the comment Ronnie Lee~

Hmmmmm.
So I guess I'm supposed to write about my life eh?
Life has been kinda interesting.
And scary at the same time.
Scary in the sense of scared of who I'm becoming.
But interesting to see what I might turn out when thoughts become more stable.
I'm just scared that one day it crosses the point of no return.
But yet again, there's nothing much to be scared of.
I don't have to be scared of myself.
Right?
But why do I see that I have to keep reminding myself of that, if I'm not scared?
It's just this weird uncertainty in the thoughts.
Like how I know it's possible to have a sudden anomaly and it hits so hard.
And all questions and thoughts about everything just come rushing in.
And it can't be stopped.
I can't stop it myself.
And it can't be prevented.
When it comes, it comes.
It's scary when I'm in.
But interesting when I'm out.
I guess it was just like how I tripped back when I was in Bali.

Thoughts have gotten so deep in the sense that I don't feel like myself.
Or rather I only don't feel like myself when my thoughts get really deep.
Sometimes I like it and I like to keep it that way.
But at times it becomes haunting.
Your heart beats so fast.
Your mind races to every corner of your brain.
And "I" being in the centre of the brain trying to catch all these thoughts back.
But seemingly useless.

There's just no definition to how sane a person is.
Who are we to define things?
The society has too much stereotypical definition of how a life should be lived.
And to that, sometimes I do feel like I'm the sane person in this scenario.
The world sometimes seem crazy to me.
How can people live without these thoughts?
But when I'm out of the zone, and together with the society, I'm like "Why was I like that just now?"
It's sometimes weird just to see myself in two different places.
But like what you told me, it's just two different feelings.
And reality is defined by us.
By our thoughts and perceptions.
Having a different perception about things doesn't deem me to be insane.
It's only the society that deem me to be insane.

I'm thankful in a very special way.
To see things in a different light.
Not necessarily a bad light.
I'm fine with me being like that as of now.
Because I know that things are fine.
Even though my thoughts fear me sometimes, I know I'm living.
It's weird how negative emotions bring out the most out of a person.
Sometimes I compare this life with laughing every single day,
and I realised that not knowing the balance in emotions scare me even more.

"I walked a mile with Pleasure;
She chatted all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say

I walked a mile with Sorrow,
And ne'er a word said she;
But, oh! The things I learned from her,
When Sorrow walked with me."