It's been awhile

And the feeling is kind of strong today.
It's been awhile.

Impressions

First impressions are important.
But it's not everything.

Wew

22 years old this year.
If I live to 88, that means now is quarter-life crisis.
-chin yue
HAHAHA.
Yup.
So went to meet up with Chin Yue.
Went to eat good food.
I pay $20.
He pay $95.
Wew.
Thanks for the meal.
And the talk ahahahaha.

Was just thinking about my life.
It's really so routine-based now.
Don't really have time to think of things.
Most of the time just thinking of when my leg is gonna recover.
But yeah, spent some time just now reflecting.
Remember I talk about my 0MC module.
CFG1010.
Learning the "beginner's mind" thing.
It's really quite an interesting idea.
Viewing things from a whole new perspective.
It's like there's so much more to every single action we do and thoughts we think.
And recently starting to read this book "The power of thinking without actually thinking."
Feels like a psych student now.
Heheheh.
If I don't take physics I probably will be studying psychology.
But well, its too hipster for me hahah.
So yeah, was kind of thinking about life.
I realised all the happenings and daily routines around me have been covering what I really am feeling inside now.
As much as I am quite a good listener, sometimes I feel some need to find myself one.
Really feel like there's something bothering my thoughts today.
But I'm not very sure myself too.
Maybe I need a drink alone.
Yes I do.
Need to start searching deep.
Wew
Life.

Gravical 2016

It's quite a shame I didn't get to compete in 2016's gravical.
All my friends who don't compete suddenly competed.
People like Kai, Justin Mo, Yong Sheng.
So I was a little sad I couldn't join.
Even Kay Gin reappeared at MBS just now after so long just to cheer for JMO and Kai.
Congrats to JMO for being first in inter finals!
Open man liaozs.
And congrats to Yong Sheng for being first in novice finals!
Inter man liaoszx.
And yeah, congrats to Dennis for being the champion of 2016's Gravical.
All the onsight peeeeps.
Hahahaha, totally onsight style this comp.
I feel.

But anyway, felt all the psyched again.
Of climbing.
I can't wait to start training again.
I really don't know how to put it across to my parents that I'm still going to climb no matter what.
But I'll find a way.
Can't leave this passion of mine.
Still burning quite strongly.
Hahaha.

But yeah, tho I'm so jealous that people are enjoying climbing, I'm also aware that my condition now don't allow any of that thing.
I'm quite glad that people in the climbing scene actually cares about my leg.
"Eh how's your leg?"
Is one of the most common thing I've heard throughout the day.
Though people kept asking, I'm always glad that people asked.
I really appreciated that small concern.
Hahahaha.
Really miss climbing so muchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Sigh.
OH YA, I'm glad I got new readers to my blog.
Hor dayna?
Hor YY?
HAHAHHA.
Naise.
Thanks for suppork.
Okay good night, damn shag whole day at MBS.
But yup!
Congrats to all those who have promoted or podium!
Gravical was psyched-shit event man.
Good job to organising committee!

36 days after IM nailing

Wow.
After watching Gravical yesterday, because I stood for too long and walk too far.
My left leg actually buckled while standing up.
Somehow felt pain at the fibula.
Didn't think much of it.
Still limping my way around.
But my leg was too sore from the "non-sitting" day yesterday.
Woke up feeling so much stiffness at the fibula.
Stiffness and pain* if I must add.
Like back when I just injured the leg, while in the cast, I could just move my ankle upwards and somehow the fibula will "pop" back and the range of motion is back again.
But now, the fibula feels misaligned but it's so painful to just "pop" back like in the past.
Hopefully somewhere in the day the pain will go away.
And hopefully the buckle didn't cause any shifting of the bone.
But anyway, dreamt of me running.
Can't really remember the reason for me to run in the dream but somewhere along the line of being excited.
And wa, the feeling of running is so shiok.
Next aim I guess.
But for now, really praying the stiffness and pain in the fibula area isn't anything serious.

Wow

I really tried to type this post in Chinese.

I gave up.

Lost all my chinese writing skills.

SIGH.

Anyway, just wanted to blog because I really feel so lost and tired now.

Tired in the literal sense.

Like everyday very lethargic.

Must be the bone taking too much of me.

And lost, as in I have no motivation to study right now.

And yeah probably cause school just started.

But I don't think I have time to procrastinate this semester.

Either I start now or I going to do badly.

Having said that, doesn't mean I will start now.

I'm a sucker.

Lol.

But really I WANNA START STUDYING NOW.

Need to kick start something.

Life has been treating me quite fine now.

It's been 37 days since the fracture and I'm walking quite fine now.

Physio today and just found out I'm really bad at balancing with that injured leg now.

Lol.

And the inside of my calf are still very stiff.

The next time I see my PT would be in 2 weeks time.

Hopefully by then I'm walking more normally and quickly.

And also, by the next appointment, I CAN SEE MY BONE GROWING.

There's no sign of bone growth for now.

But I'm gonna constantly eat good and healthy.

Hahaha.

Need to start exercising I think.

I think that's the reason why I'm so lethargic everyday.

Brain not thinking.

And yes, absence of cigg.

Still getting used to it.

Oh welllllllll.

AGITATION IS REAL.

Hope this goes away soon.

Good night guys.

About fracture union

Fracture union.

We found that 157 fractures (97.5% of total fractures) united without an additional major operation. The mean time to union was 25.8 weeks (8 to 130) with 121 (75.2%) of the fractures being healed in less than six months, 20 (12.4%) between six and nine months, ten (6.2%) between nine and 12 months, and ten (6.2%) in more than 12 months.

5 weeks passed.

Hopefully next appointment can see my bones growing towards each other.

So long to next appointment.

Hahahaha.

Comparison

Is bad.
But I still do anyway.
I'm bad.

Reflections

http://marcellapurnama.com/

Realised I haven't really reflect about my life ever since my leg broke.
School has started for 5 days and I'm guessing things are pretty much more settled down now.
And there's some time for me to start reflecting about life recently before the semester gets busy.

Was just reading this blog (link above).
Came across from facebook where a few of my friends shared "Why we behave our worst to the ones we love most?"
I think it's really an interesting question because I'm pretty sure all of us are guilty of this.
Just this morning, I shove my mum off when she tried to hold my arms when I was about to fall.
Well, it really wasn't on purpose.
It was instinct I guess.
And I felt kind of guilty after that.
But sometimes it's just me in the morning.
My temper has been like that since young.
And yeah I'm probably angry at the fact that I feel useless.

But yeah, talking about my life now.
I think I feel a lot more free now.
Not physically.
But the fact that I get to spend some alone time myself.
I'm finally out of my house, out of everywhere with people.
That moment when you're just the spotlight of the things around you.
I always love that feeling.
I used to get that feeling whenever I smoke in cold weather alone.
It makes me think.
But oh well, it's been 30 days since I last smoked.

Ahhhhhhhh.
It's 3:53pm now, 7 minutes to my next lecture.
Just sitting here and chilling.
I was just wondering, how different I have become after the incident.
But for now I'm pretty sure I get easily irritated.
Some things that got me irritated recently.
Missing the bus because I can't run.
Cannot walk down the stairs normally without support.
Cannot walk up slope cause my ankle can't bend.
And a few more here and there.

But I guess I still need to remember that it's really a miracle that I'm already walking 1 month later.
I think I shouldn't rush things.
But you know me.
Asking me to be so inactive is like.
ARGHHHH.
Damn annoying.

On a side note, really hope I will do better this semester.
Because last sem was really very bad.
3.1 is so fuck.
Haven't heard anyone worst than me.
Lol.
So yeah, going to become more organised and hopefully things will be better!
Time to start printing notes and doing tutorials for a start.
Hahahaa.

Kay, I'm gonna rush for lecture.
Will write again when the feel for life comes looking for me.
See ya!

Irritability

That some how explains me now.

First day of school

Hi gaiz .
It's the first day of school.
If I were to rate 1-10,
1 being immobile and 10 being fully mobile.
Today would be a 7-8 i guess.
Moving around from place to place.
Getting used to it.
But still not fully independent yet.
Most of the time got people accompany me.
In the morning, Moses came over to my house to walk me to school.
To walk to the bus stop was so dam slow lol.
Took 109 and alighted at serangoon.
Had a seat on the bus so it was fine.
Then came the train.
It was packed so I didn't really get to sit.
And it would be weird if I go to the person in the reserve seat and stare at him.
So I decided to stand throughout from serangoon to kr .
It wasn't that bad tho hahaha.
Needa get used to it.
Went to eat Yakun with Dave and Yy and then headed to my first lecture.
Walked there with Dave.
It was fine.
Then after lecture went to have lunch with yan zhao and shiuan jun.
Went science library dota .
Hahahaha.
Everything was really fine in the first day I guess.
Just the fact that my leg really looked too fine to have people being very cautious around me.
They didn't know my whole shin bone snapped into two hahaha .
But it's alright, I seem too fine to be really injured badly.
But nevertheless still quite angry at the fact that i missed one internal shuttle bus just now because people squeezed in front of me.
As if I wasn't holding any crutches or anything.
Bus drove away when it was too full to enter.
And I just limped with one crutch away from the road, staring at those people who went up the bus by cutting my queue.
Oh well karma for cutting people's queue last time.
But other than that really enjoyed my first full day out.
Dinnered with edmond Andy and limzw.
And played pool with Jon, Joshua ko and Dave after edmond and Andy zao.
Hahahaha.
SLEEPING IN RVRC NOW.
IN JOSH TAN ROOM.
He popular.
2 guys opened his door.
One was zhimin my ocs friend.
Hahaha.
Remembered digging command post beside this guy.
Yeah he came in and talk cock with me.
Asking about my leg and stuffs.
Quite a nice short chat.
Shall turn in early.
Tired walking around the whole day.
Nights!

Daze

In this daze again.
Can't really control my anger these few days.
It's been almost a month now.
But life feels just so trapped.
Can't wait to go school tomorrow.
Dreading of staying at home.
Looking back, days were certainly better.
But I bet when school starts, this "start afresh feel" would fade off in a few weeks time haha.
Can't really say how I'm feeling now.
It's like lost in my own world.
And this feeling is so strong that I wanna just light a cigarette again.
Things certainly will get better.
Why do I feel like this whenever I am having a holiday lol.
Oh well, we'll see.

And to you,
up till now I'm still pondering.
But I'm sure time will tell.

Y2S1.
Not a really great fantastic start.
At least it's a change.

Updates- 21 days after IM nailing surgery

Hello all.
Progress is starting to plateau.
But it's still improving everyday I guess.
Have been spending my time dotaing.
What else can I do?
Okay other than watching movies haha.
But went to cut my hair two days ago.
It's one of the furthest distance I've walked in one crutch.
Hahaha.
So yeah,
Some things I'm still not able to do.

Cross the road before the green man turns red.
Wear my pants without holding on to support.
Bend my ankle more than 90 degrees.
Run duh.
Jump duh.

BUT YEAH.
School going to start in 4 days.
I'm going to be scared of things like getting on and off the bus.
Especially NUS buses.
All the ah tiongs driver.
No mercy one.
Shag.

Can't wait for school to startttttt.
I've been staying at home for 18 days.
Hospital for 3.
Shag.

17 days after IM nailing

HELLO GUYS.
It's 17 days after my operation.
Brusing are almost gone.
Swelling are gone.
Fibula pain is almost gone.
No more pain after sitting down for too long.
No more plaster.
No more stitches.
So I can see my surgery wound.
Have been walking for 3 days or so without crutch already.
8 more days to school start!!!
Better start walking more.

However, still can't activate my calf muscles and quads properly.
Ankle can't seem to bend as much as uninjured leg.
Calf still feels tight deep inside.
As much as all is well, me being me.
Having an active life since young.
Can't really stand not moving around / exercising for almost 3 weeks already.
Feels so uneasy.
I NEED TO MOVE.
Oh well.

Gonna be weird socialising with people when school starts again.
Hahaha.