The last hour of the day

 As much as I would love to keep the last hour of the day to myself without social media,

I felt like I've failed (not entirely terribly).

Today's last hour felt different.

So much that I felt like writing down my thoughts.

As I was waiting for the bus back home from yb's, I decided to reach into my bag and take out my book-

Days at the Morisaki's bookshop.

It was an easy to read book and written in first person.

Somehow, I only just realised I like books that are written in first person.

I felt easily connected to the protagonist.

And I guess it's less confusing for me to feel for one single character and her interactions with the rest.

Instead of having to choose who to feel for throughout the entire book.

This was a nice discovery.

I think what struck me so far was Takoko's original disinterest in books.

But she had to kill time because she can't sleep.

And she picked up a book out of random and got so invested in it and feel so much for the girl in her book.

I felt like I was literally living her moment because I wanted to kill time (the last hour of the day) and hence grabbed the book out from my bag.

And it struck me that there are so many people who write and read.

And feelings are in the writers and the readers.

The book wrote about second-hand books having passages highlighted or underlined by past readers.

It reminded me of the second-hand thrift books display in Victoria Market Melbourne.

One thing led to another, I also started feeling slow after getting reminded of myself in Melbourne.

I haven't been able to keep up with the rule I've set for myself for the past 2 months.

It isn't the best start of working towards my goal for 2025.

The walk back home tonight caught many glimpses of what I've done for the past 'last hours'.

I was either drinking and scrolling or hanging out with friends or just looking at Tiger Broker.

Honestly, I should have felt very disappointed at myself.

But I decided that I shouldn't be too harsh on myself.

Today's last hour was nice.

And it's worth remembering.

That feeling when you feel so self-aware.

Of my own thoughts.

And it's been awhile that I've felt like I'm connected to myself again.

I'm at peace with my UBER and CRM trades already.

But more so coming to terms with the fact that I'm actually back trading again.

It was both tiring and scary on Friday night.

Stressful and sad.

But I'm glad that I could take a step back tonight and tell myself that,

It is okay.

It is really okay.

And I wish for more nights like this to come.

And on a larger scale, for 2025 onwards to be years that I am increasingly aware of my own being.