I started this blog when I was 15 years old.
Now I am double the age of it.
What do I feel about it?
What would 15 years old me feel if he knows I'm still writing here 15 years later?
I've definitely seen more things than he had.
But I think the core if who he was hasn't change much.
I'm still navigating life as it comes along.
No said big goals or aspirations.
Maybe slightly (in my career sense) but I wouldn't take that as ultimatum 'life goals
It's my 3rd day of being 30 and what triggered me to write today was what I saw at the kopitiam across my place.
It was really just an ordinary (depressive) morning, I was heading for lunch.
As I was ordering my food, a well dressed mid 30s lady was on her phone.
After ordering my food, I gave a glance at her again.
Our eyes met and tears were flowing down her cheeks.
I saw her blink and two teardrops fell.
While I was waiting for my food, I felt very triggered because she kinda represented my inner being.
It was a seemingly long stand off, me at my line and her holding her phone across her ears.
Before my food came, she stood up and quickly walked away.
What really came to my mind wasn't questions about what happened.
But more of a reminder to me that almost everyone out here is the same.
We all have our struggles but it's never openly shown.
One of my friends who I least thought was struggling came over and visited my blog.
He first asked if I was okay, and next he talked to me about his anxiety.
And it kinda came crushing on me that day that whatever I felt of people being better off than me was false.
Yes maybe in certain aspects, but if we were stripped off of all our societal statuses -
WE.ARE.ALL.THE.SAME.
I finished the last moments of my late twenties being in reservist too.
It was honestly quite a nice reset to my depressive cycle in July.
And I was glad my fog disappeared.
Even for a short while, it was sufficient for me to think.
I just wanna write about what happened in the first week of outfield.
Alpha was tasked to clear these certain sectors but most of my guys died in the first building.
While I was garnering whoever that was alive to charge to the next building, suddenly the malays from my original platoon put back their helmet (they were not dead but pretending to be dead)
That 5 of them put back their helmet again and decided to fight with me.
Such a simple act but I'm so glad that after so many years, they are still willing to act for me.
Some of them 30 years old as well.
At that moment, though I was tired, I was very motivated to be backed by them.
And as a company, we managed to clear all our objectives and killed our enemies.
That was a story that will live on with me whenever I think of my guys.
Thank you guys <3
After being on a music and film drought, it's time for me to catch up on these things.
Still uncertain about my career but I kinda figured that I really want to pursue creating content that are music related.
Not sure how I'll get there but, I believe as long as I know what I really want, I will get there.
Too positive a post that scares me too.
But I guess my blog needs a negative break.
Lol.
HP30BD to me
