364 days weighing down on this final day.
2023 was definitely one of the worst years of all.
But I guess the bounce is strong for now.
And I'm thankful for this trampoline deep in the darkness.
2023 had been...
Tough and painful.
So many alone nights thinking what the fuck am I doing with life.
Especially how I've fucked up all that I've built.
I doubt this bounce everyday.
I doubt my words too when I tell people that I'm doing better.
I doubt it when I tell myself that I am doing better as well.
The past 2 months were more of distracting works than silent reflections.
But one thing I know for sure is how music had and is still changing the way I think.
And the funny thing is most of the songs I have no idea what the lyrics are.
Finding my music genre was probably the same feeling as how I found filmmaking as my job?
It's as if things are falling in place when I enjoy a good music or watch a good film.
And for a long moment in this year, I was so lost in trading that I start finding my favourite things mundane and pointless.
1. My career
2. Climbing
3. Friends
One of my favourite song this year was probably YUNHWAY's SCREAM.
Because talking about friends I always think about the lyrics
"Old friends, new friends, let me be me."
Such a simple line but the comparison of old and new friends in this one line felt so powerful.
Idk but I read it like regardless of how long you know me does not make you know me more or less.
I am ever-changing and that's why you should just let me be me.
And the only true constant is yourself.
My mind is all over the place now.
Hahaha.
I mean with or without L I'm always like this.
It's scary to think back on the whole of 2023.
But Grampians was probably the highlight for me in the reality sense.
It's my first time being in Australia or even my first time being in an 'angmoh' country.
And seeing the lifestyle in Melbourne made me think so much and start weighing what's truly important to me.
And for the deeper spiritual sense, probably from late October to now.
It took awhile but I've finally come to terms with the amount I've lost I trading.
As cliche as it is, without this loss, I think I wouldn't start soaking up creativity all over again like how I did before I graduated from NUS.
And for now, I would say music is slowly climbing up my list of important things.
Never too old to learn and appreciate music.
Without this loss, I wouldn't have talked to my Dad too after 4 years of Cold War.
And it aches me less now when I watch films with 'Father and Son' concepts or seeing Father and Son relationships in real life.
And I guess I feel less unfilial now (even though I haven't do anything to 'repay' them)
Hahaha but I guess is the mindset shift and the vulnerable talks that night.
I wish 2024 will be a better year.
And I'm excited to find out if 2024 is gonna be a year of music exploration.
It's as if colours are slowly coming back to me again.
But can't deny the fact that it's still blur as fuck.
In the DPDR sense recently.
Lol.
To a better year ahead.
Thanks for stoking friends.
Turning 30 soon wew.
Can't believe I've been blogging since 15.
All these words here are like soft copy of half of my life.
I wonder how it feels if 50 years down the road, someone read my blog from when I was 15 years old till I'm 80.
Sick film idea.
Okay I think it's gonna hit me real soon. (L)
Gonna just wind down for the last 2 hours+ of 2023.
