11 August

It's currently 6am right now and I can't sleep.

I feel like I have to write this down before I turn mad.

Just realising how much I've numbed myself to sleep every night and how today has been hitting extremely hard.

Trading has completely taken over my life.

I ain't enjoying any other things now.

I just met Sherine but I feel like I was so distracted the whole time.

And this applies to all my other friends too.

This applies to my work as well.

Just life in general, feels so meaningless right now.

I feel like death every morning recently.

It's so scary that last Saturday I woke up and the words echoing in my head were 'I want to die.'

I felt like my depression had never gotten so bad.

I'm going through a really really rough time but who can I talk to about these trading stuffs who understand both trading and mental health.

I looked at my Tiger account and see that I've lost 53k as of now.

That is 70+% of my hard earned money over the past 3 years of trying to make it freelancing.

And I know if I continue this berserk mode, I would definitely lose everything one day.

It's crazy man.

I felt like I should never have learnt about this whole thing about the stock market / trading.

It now feels like I have to succeed.

And if I don't my life is going down with it.

Who can understand this struggle?

I don't know.

I don't know anything anymore.