The concept of death and grief had always been the toughest things to talk about.
But it was beautifully written in this chapter of the book that I'm reading.
It describes the pain, the discomfort of the topic with your loved ones and post-grief life.
So difficult to read but it changed a part of me, even if it's the slightest bit.
Indeed feels like an alternate reality.
I'm afraid I might be using it to escape the pain.
This whole thing just feels so familiarly painful.
And it's funny because nothing happened.
Realised that every trip that hit me hard always has a song that is tagged to it.
And I guess the two that are kinda tagged to the trip is
The Girl In Byakkoya - Susumu Hirasawa
I don't love you - My Chemical Romance
It is hard to believe the trip has ended just like that.
Sitting in my room typing and feeling the thick calluses on my finger tips, while listening to The Girl In Byakkoya.
Everything is just caving in now.
Transferring all the footages captured into my computer now.
I'm gonna have a really bad nostalgia.
I think what I told Rachel, my trip ended in Melbourne.
I think one of the highlights of our Grampians trip was really staying in Troopers Creek.
Disconnect to connect was one of the best feelings in the world.
Coming back to Singapore or even Melbourne made me realise the huge difference in that.
If there's anything I would like to takeaway from the trip is to use less of my phone and being more present in the physical reality around me.
It was a good trip.
A really good one.
I don't even know how to begin but in general, being out there with the nature, doing very basic things like waking up to make breakfast and preparing crag food, starting fire, refilling diesel into our generator etc.
All these 'problems' are the only ones we were worrying about in our stay there.
Whether we had enough water up the crags, what is the weather like, what do I wear.
Such simple problem that hardly cross your mind when you're living in the city.
After drowning myself in work, stressful trading, disconnection from my friends and reality, it felt really good to just be human again.
All the complex problems are taken over by all these simple yet important ones.
Going to Melbourne was a really quick transition and I couldn't handle it.
Being out in a place where there are hardly any humans and then snap, I found myself in the middle of Melbourne, being swarmed by noises and people.
It caught me really off guard and I was pretty affected by it.
No more smoking in the backyard in the cold, no more dirtbag attire.
No more sub 15 degrees weather, no more long drives on the road.
No more nature.
This is a really bittersweet ending to this trip, but I'm glad I brought my camera (again) to immortalise these memories and feelings.
And maybe one day when I'm feeling so overwhelmed with this city landscape, I can look back at this trip and take a little breather.
Because there's so much more to life than this.
It was a nice chapter.
Thank you to all 6 of you for making this trip so memorable.
Daryl, Jason, Deng Hui, Rachel, Irham and Elin.
Ryan and Bryan who joined us on this trip as well.
Huge congratulations to Ryan for sending Ammagamma~
And to Jason who's probably been through so much in his mind.
It was the best show I've ever watched.
I could feel the internal fight so much, and I'm sure you've gave in your best.
Ammagamma will be waiting for you bro!
Thank you Grampians for bringing back the psyche of climbing to me.
To many more rock trips in the future.
Cheers~
Sitting by the backyard and just soaking in the sunset.
Thinking that it probably be good to write down some thoughts.
Feels pretty used to this lifestyle here.
Faraway from work, family and friends.
After trying Gay Hip Flexor V7 yesterday, felt kinda down and just suddenly depressed.
Not by the route but triggered by the route.
It was clear that my thoughts can be easily skewed to the negative side.
With just some bad triggers and the whole world seems to just crash very quickly.
And it was also clear that there are so much more triggers back at home.
It's scary that families and friends can be considered as triggers sometimes.
And I guess that's why I feel so much better right here.
Being so close to nature for the past week just reminded me of how fast paced the city life is.
That's probably the reason why I hate being in Singapore so much.
It's so easy with every overseas trip to say that yes I want to slow down my thoughts and the pace I'm moving with life.
But every single time, this concept gets devoured quickly by my own lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one that feels like this when they head back home after an overseas trip but I just want to pen down what I'm feeling now as a form of memory.
Every single one of us that came to this trip probably feels a tad different from who they are back in Singapore.
In a good way where none of us are carried away from the distractions of life.
It honestly feels a lot like hampi, and maybe that's why I kinda said that this could be my 2nf best overseas trip in my life.
And I guess the similarity I can think of is the cold and being out in the nature, faraway from humans.
It's a good trip so far.
And I really don't want to forget this feeling.
