28岁未成年

 

Have not bawled like this in a long while.

And I guess that is the power of film.

Finally something that made me feel.

As the movie ended, I stared at that empty bowl in front of me.

And that sudden realisation, as if it's a third person's perspective, hit me so hard.

This was really such an empowering show and I loved the whole plot so much.

Thought I was going to watch a typical romance (just so I can feel again y'know?)

But this surprisingly did not put my past relationship into perspective (which I thought it would) but instead, my whole life flashed past me.

To put things into perspective for those who have not watched this (spoiler alert), it's about the juxtaposition of this 28 year old woman and her 17 year old self.

The struggle of an adult and the naiveness of a teenager.

This show oddly summoned that old me and when that show ended, it felt like I was in JC and looking at where I was sitting as of now - in front of two huge monitor with a empty bowl of maggie in front of me.

If I were to talk to myself like in the show, I would very much like to say sorry to the old me for being in this current state. Not loving myself, lacking motivation in whatever I do and in this fucking pathetic state of life right now.

And if my old me were to see where I'm at right now, I'm sure he'll say that he's fucking proud that I really did not choose the 8 to 5 life. I'm actually where I wanted to be 10 years later.

And putting these two perspectives together really just made me crazy.

How much I'm not taking care of myself right now.

And how much I'm not loving myself right now.

I built this all up by myself.

How can I say such bad things to myself every single time?

RAW:

Look at the feats that you have achieved.

Stop hurting yourself.

Just look at this amazing set up that you have right in front of you.

You paid for all this didn't you?

You built a career out from basically nothing but passion.

And I know that you definitely still have that fire in you.

So what if nobody sees all the hard work that you are doing?

So what if your parents don't understand?

As long as you can answer yourself.

That fire in you will lead you to where you wanna be.

And I'm sure in 10 years time you'll look back and you'll still be so proud of yourself.

Take the break that you truly deserve.

Stop saying that you are lazy.

I don't think you are lazy at all.

You have things in you that people probably won't understand.

And that's fine.

Just don't put yourself down ever again.