@sgfilmconfessions @sgclimbingvigilante

These are the two things that hit me early in the morning when I woke up.

Always wondered to myself why I'm not opinionated about things that are close to me.

One is climbing, one is film.

But I realised that it's not that I am not opinionated, I do take a stand at the issues that were raised.

I guess I just don't express my thoughts as openly.

I don't know what I'm feeling now.

I just deleted a chunk of what I wrote about my opinions.

Hahaha o well.

Anyway was just thinking about ICT.

Went in for less than 48 hours but if there's one thing that I could take out of that.

Fucking take care of yourself.

No one's going to do that for you.

And if you don't recognise it, it'll just keep dragging you down.

I mean it's easy to say obviously, but so damn hard to do.

On the first day of in-pro, we walked under the rain.

And I just wore that same uniform throughout.

Obviously, fell sick but I chose to keep quiet and just go through all the activities.

Nose was running like shit and the mask wasn't helping.

But I kept drinking water and took rests when I could.

And the day after, had some good rest and instantly, I was so much 'happier'.

Was catching up with my men and stuffs, more involved in activities.

Gonna book in in 10 hours time.

Shall try to complete my edits before I go in.

Outfield in 2 days~

Honestly like what Josh said, quite excited about it.

On a side note, super appreciative of a quiet phone in camp.

Yes there was queries and stuffs, but I thought it was minimal and I felt free.

The mind felt free.

Hope to recognise more things in the next 5 days.

It's quite a stark difference in my head in camp and outside.

Hopefully I could catch some hints of my triggers and who knows,

GROUNDBREAKING TRANSFORMATION.

Hahaha jk but any small enlightenment would be amazing.

Sin Nee says my luck is going to change after my birthday.

Not one that really believe in these sort of things but I was so amazed at how accurate (and not general) her description of my life was.

Let's see.

Hi, it's me

It's me.

I just woke up.

And I'm here to tell you,

"They probably think you're okay."

As you struggle to get out of bed.

"Now get out of bed. Because the only reason is, you are late."

Creative burnout

 "I'm running out of ideas"

I think that's a cry for help when I look back at when I typed.

Can't get inspiration and am in a mental block for quite a while.

Editing has become work.

Shoot has also slowly starting to become work.

Many questions about my career.

Argued with a client.

How unprofessional is that.

How fucking childish was that?

Holding myself above can be quite tiring.

Sometimes in the morning I'm so dazed,

but I know I feel so much pain for all the unsolved things in my head.

Be it tangible or not.

Need

To

Be

Present

Repititions

Just some updates to myself I guess.

These few days are quite bad.

It's so easy to take whatever I was thinking of / toxic thoughts and apply it to my whole life.

So I just want to spend some time after waking up, to ask myself how am I feeling?

Honestly, it is such a difficult question.

Because I don't exactly know how I am feeling.

Maybe let's start simple.

I'm not feeling great, I'm feeling worse than the norm.

I was shocked yesterday when my producer texted me to ask me how I was feeling.

It's as if she knew what was going through my mind.

She even added 'mental health' in that short text.

So I was grateful.

My life right now is just filled with uncertainty?

Uncertainty for my head.

It comes and goes and sometimes I don't really know how to handle them.

But it's a generally low buzz recently, and I lack motivation to do anything.

I feel like I'm not giving my best for all the work that I'm doing.

And it just makes me feel worse about myself.

But then again, I've been skipping coffee for these few days.

Maybe partly is due to that too.

Let's breathe, and get back to work.