Rockmaster 2018

Let's go.
Went back to how I felt during all my videos on Instagram.
Loved the hampi airplane video the most.
Must not forget the joy and simplicity of climbing.
Glad to have gone through that video again.

Thanks

Heavy

Comfort in the panic

Present

Climbing cohesion had been fun in a way.
Stoned on Day 1 but Day 2 was a lil better.
Honestly felt really old to be going for a camp.
The things they laughed about are things I would judge other group of people for.
But actually being present with the CG felt kinda nice.
Nothing much in my head.
Just being really present.
Kinda bonded a lil with the team people too.
And also made a few friends from the club.
Got to know the two angies better too.

Thoughts are pretty clear.
Love it.

Rockmaster coming really soon.
Not the best now but I will do my best.

As of now, tired and need to clear some sleep debt.

Moment

Skies of a million star

Rational me says
Things will get better.

It will.
It must.

Possession

Been awhile huh.

Visiting an old friend

Maybe darkness is all but an addiction.
Tonight, I shall succumb to the temptation.

Identity

There's a fear of leaving pain behind.
The fear of losing the sense of identity.
The book says that those things don't define you.
But then what explains the behaviour of the mind.
To always want to go back to that familiarity.
Is it really just a delusion that we seek comfort in?
Skeptical.
But there are certain truths in what the book says.
And it's kinda causing me to be crazy now.
It doesn't feel like me at all to be shunning away from emotions.
Let's not give up on the book entirely.
We shall see.

Pain body

In that case, unconscious fear of losing your identity will create strong resistance to any disidentification. In other words, you would rather be in pain - be the pain-body - than take a leap into the unknown and risk losing the familiar unhappy self.

Doing things

I realised I like to force my way to do things even when my mind is not there.
E.g I totally don't feel like studying now cause my mind is in a mess but I still go ahead.
Don't think that should be the way to do things.
I realised I went for 2 lectures today and did not learn anything.
Okay but at least I wrote every thing down from the board.
Falling way back in my academics.
It's just one last year, why can't I put in a little more effort.
I realised I'm a dreamer too.
I have an ideal way of how things should be run.
I get a little crazy when that happens.
Today is really a super unproductive day.
Basically did nothing except for submitting my forms for NYC.
Alright, at least the planner is keeping me alive.
I'm just thinking how planner makes things more organised.
But this organised way of life makes me ponder.
About the chances of impromptu, creative thoughts about life.
It's kinda dull.
Right, I bought an earpiece and a new book.
The power of Now.
It's funny how appropriate it is.
Hahahaha.

Gotta take things step by step.
Feels like a very tricky situation in my life now.
Any wrong step would be as irreversible as stepping on a land mine.
Slow.
Things will turn out fine.

Mediator

Mediating everywhere.
Why can't people just see things from another person's perspective?
Is it really so difficult to come up with a compromise?
Hate making decisions like this.
Just like how my decision has already affected the team.

That's why, words.

 “I hate the split second when you are spiraling and you see what you’re doing, see the impulsive behavior or hear the things you’re saying to someone you truly love that you know you’ll regret later, and you can’t stop. Wanting to bite your tongue or walk away, but you can’t.” — Olivia R.

Numb

The lift started shaking.
And it was then I realised, I had been the one causing the malfunctions of the lift.
Knuckles.
Throat.
Exorcism.

Did it work?
No it didn't.

But it's like

no matter what I do,
I can't convince you
To just believe this is real

I am, a little bit insecure,
a little unconfident,
Cause you don't understand I do what I can
Sometimes I don't make sense

Insane

I learnt about reference frames in physics.
So in a general perspective, who's insane?
I seem to be the insane one in everyone's perspective.
But it's all about perspective isn't it?
The only invariant is intention.
In any perspective, intention is all we need.
I don't know whether you do.
But it's okay if you don't.

Ever heard of darkness energy

Let's harness it.

Destroy,

Both at once.

Old friend

I admit I was scared to meet him because I felt like we were too different now.
True that we are pretty different now but I remembered that I always admire his love for music.
But honestly I was scared for his future.
But look where is he now, with a band, playing music 3 times a week, earning enough to live by, having a wonderful girlfriend.
He was the 'loser' with bad grades.
But I admire him so much now that he's loving his life.
I wish I could be the same.
Muddy Murphy.
It was a great night and I'm glad we all got together and catch up like secondary school times again.
We all grew up.
And our way of life is different now.
But the memories that we made is for a lifetime.
I remember the last time I was talking about you was when Rachel and I walked past your house with Bear.
6 years is a really long time.
Everyone is so different now.
Yet, we're still the same somehow.