Unconscious desperation?

One last paper and some thoughts

Finished two papers yesterday and the day before yesterday.
First paper was okay but I think the second paper quite good.
Hahahaha.
So last paper on 3rd may which is next Tuesday.
There's just so many thoughts in my mind that I need to spill it out.
This exam thing had sucked so much away from me.
But hopefully when results are out, the hard work will pay off.
This sem definitely feels better than previous sem.
Be it because I don't climb this sem, or because last sem was still trying to adjust to uni life after NS.
But yeah, feel better than previous sem.

And there's just this thing that has been on my mind.
There's too much familiarity in this.
Familiarity but little similarity.
I don't know what I am feeling.
Or what is going on.
But all I know that this feels too familiar and it's kind of scary.
And I have no confidence to do anything more than just this.
Afraid it'll just be another temporal thought.
I know I miss this kind of feeling.
And I also know that I shouldn't be placing too much brain into the heart.
But I highly doubt anything will happen.
It's probably just temporary.
It doesn't really make me think back but it's just there.
Something is there.
And I am kind of lost because of the exam stress adding up.
And probably it's the exam stress that all these thoughts are happening.
I really do miss that feeling.
But I do not want to let this get the better of me.
I feel like a predator now.
Without a functioning brain.
Think. Think. Think.
Don't just let your heart sway.
Hold it down.
But deep down inside I know it's hard.

For one more day

"I had no one to talk me out of my despair, and that was a mistake. You need to keep people close. You need to give them access to your heart."

Rain

I've probably mentioned several times why I like rainy days.
I think the rain sometimes serve as my cleansing tool.
It refreshes my inner self.
Makes me think of how am I as a person and the people around me in my life.
It stops me from thinking about work and makes me continue my undone reflections from the previous session.
The world outside seems to slow down more.
And people seem to appreciate each other more.
While the world inside becomes warmer than any other time.
Humans seemed to be closer when it rains.
I guess the rain also has the ability to wash away this judgemental spectacles.
I really find it amazing how this weather slows down the pace of life.
It makes me reflect about my past doings.
And tells me what I've been doing right or wrong.
Who's truthful and who's not.
It clears up all the ambiguity I have.
Maybe I was too harsh.
Maybe I was giving too less fucks about certain things.
And maybe I was giving too much fucks about other things.
Though it may sound therapeutic, the rain also seems to seep through the cracks of the rocks.
Uncovering all the dirts within.
But I'm still thankful it does that.
Makes me feel alive and real.
And the wonderful thing is all these thoughts just pops and drift away when the rain stops.
And it will be temporarily deserted till the next rainy day.

Lucky stick

For my oral.
Hope it's all good.
1 more hour and 2 mods down!!!!!!

Cyue room

Hello gaizzzz.
It's a Sunday night and I'm quite pleased and chill.
Except for the fact that I still need to finish my lab when I reach home.
So yeahhhh.
Cyue sort of reminded me to blog so here is it.
Spent my weekends over at cyue room.
Both Saturday and Sunday.
Was pretty conducive I must say.
Don't know whether I spell conducive right Hahahaha.
But anyway yeah, it was really nice to study there.
Nice big table with a table light.
Quiet and air conditioned .
And good friend.
HAHAHAHA.
Next week there would be oral and written for my Thai.
Oh and math mat lab quiz.
But yeah next week is the last week of school!!!!
Much excites.
So after chionging hard for Thai, I have around 14 days to chiong for two paper.
And another 7 for my last subject. Hahaha.
I guess life is pretty mundane now therefore the low number of posts.
It's really quite a tiring sem but I really hope it'll be worth the hard work in the end.
If this amount of hard work still doesn't show any results, I guess I will spend more time on other stuffs.
Hahahaha.
Mundane life oh so mundane.
Can't wait for finals to be over.
I wanna drawwww.
Been so long since I drew something. Lolol.
And work.
Make some cool ah beng ah lian friends.
HAHAHAHA.
BUT YEAH.
I think I'm quite negative.
Like after finishing my paper on Friday, I was actually stressing over my Thai paper on Tuesday.
Then I'm actually thinking now that after summer break it's school again.
Then to make it more exaggerated, after school it's work again.
Wew.
Need to remind myself the concept of "enjoying the present" more.
I think I'm giving myself too much pressure on things I don't put as much priority on.
To think about it, the depressed period seemed to be a lost period for me but I seriously think this is the lost period of time.
Doing things without seeing the reason.
Sighhhh.
Fuck i should stop being so negative.
Girls don't like negative guys.
HAHAHAHAHA.
Ahhahahaha.
Okay.
That's about it.
Once again wanna thanks cyue for the room and food and darts and gerbil and drinks and everything la.
Hahahaha.
See you soooonnnnn.
Maybe May got problem then can drink and emo.
Or izzit CELEBRATE?!?
HAHAHA.
Good bye readers. Have a good week 13.
Or have a good week if you're in army.
Lolol.
Bye

Wew

1 mod downnnnnn.
Wew.
Time for hardcore thai week.
Thai songs Thai writing Thai speaking Thai food.
Lolol.
Freedom is 1/5 completed.

Break

Gonna take a break from studying.
This studying thing has sucked me in so deep.
Kind of lost.
Wew.
Shall go and find my refresher orb from some drinks.
Heheheh