Thoughts

From Secondary School to JC 1 and now to JC 2.
It has been very fast-paced for me.
2010 to 2011 and then 2012.
Things have changed.
I have changed.
I definitely know that.
But something's not change.
My attitude towards friendship.
I really cherish all my friends.

Going to JC, the most significant thing that have changed a lot is the way I communicate.
I'm careful of what I say.
Because people here can't take jokes as much as people from XMS.
People here judge.
I've turned into someone who cares about dignity.
Yeah shit hole.
I care about how people view me as a person.
That's why I tone down.
That's why I become less guai lan.
And that's why I become less funny.
Because I know if I say a joke which is not funny, everyone will be like "fag".
I don't even dare to joke.
But this year, I really wanted to change.
I want to stop all this crap.
I want to be myself.
But no, there's no opportunity at all.
The only small chance that I can be myself is when I'm with the 11S103 guys.
But still, there's this barrier I have with everyone in this school.
I can't open up.
Which is the reason why I'm becoming weirder and weirder each day.
Too many things in my head.

Remembered I said I feel the most comfortable with the 11S103 guys?
That's also the time where I feel most happy in JC.
And yeah, I always fool around in school with these bunch of people.
And today, Mr Hon told me something that made me feel frustrated and insulted.
He said I've changed this year.
He said that I was a good boy last year and now I've become very naughty.
And he gave me that disappointed face of his that made me felt guilty at myself.
But when I think about it, I find nothing wrong.
I feel that I'm just trying to find back myself this year.
Which obviously is not wrong.
The Wee Pin he saw in 2011 is probably a cover up, a cover up for the new environment.
The way Mr Hon judged me today when he don't really understand me makes me feel somehow insulted.
Make me think that he only respect the fake quiet me in 2011 but not the real guai lan me that I'm trying to be.
But I know Mr Hon is caring la.
I really wanted to tell him all of this after econs lesson.
But he left.

People judge.
People look at you everyday.
People talk behind your back everyday.
They say your face sucks.
They say you are too loud.
But what makes them think they understand you.
If you feel sucky in school because you feel that you are being judged everyday, then just let them be.
Prove to yourself that you are normal.
Have faith in yourself.
Don't trust people too easily.
And don't judge people too.
Because you never know what they are really thinking in their head.
Hold this idea with you and we'll live through this shitty 2012.