Probably a one off thing

But man.... That was so much feels.

Going for the wedding was like a trip down memory lane.

It was kinda intense.

Like was honestly super anxious about socialising but I guess it ended up being really nice to see everyone again.

Thankful for Dayna to fetch me there, and also yy for having a quick 5 min catch up.

Great to see Andy again, limzw, ferran.

So many people like arghh...

Some more it was the period (just woke up) when I'm most depressed or rather critical about my thoughts.

Downed some whisky and look who's there...

Damn...

All the memories came rushing back.

So much so much feels...

It's like so many hours passed the wedding but wew,

still thinking about it.

Read back on the old chats.

Didn't know 'ttyl' was 3/4 years later.

What a weird post with so much spacing.

Hardly type like that.

Well I guess it also means today was a pretty intense day lol.

Just needed a space to get this out.

But seriously... wah really.

Twice

I swear it's a cycle.

The more I watch them, the more amazing they are.

And then after getting to know them more and more, their characters etc,

Then re-watching older videos, and associating the new found character into them,

it just makes them even more crazy.

And then you know just cycle through and ahhh my heart.

HAHAHA

WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?

Impulse bought Formula of Love album.

Or rather pre-order 1 month before launch date.

In my mind I was like, better be a real ONCE before they are gone for good.

You know, at least have an experience of the millions of people who are crazy over K-pop groups.

Used to judge, but well look where I am now...

Also just thinking about those people who are so into cosplays.

I always judge them in my mind,

but having this crazy fandom thing going on with Twice, I think my perspective is shifting.

So what's changed for me?

Well I'm still me.

I'm still a normal human being, I don't think I'm that weird.

So I guess the perspective shifted in the sense I don't judge things I used to judge.

I don't know what's the whole point of this post LOL.

Bye.

Happy bday CYUE BTW~

Looking back

on the synopsis I wrote for SMHFF 2019.

My heart beats for the script as I read it all over again.

It's almost a time travel back.

And I'm glad I wrote it down as a story, because I think it captures a lot of the small things which I would have probably thrown it out of my brain.

One day, the script will come to fruition.

I don't need it to submit to any film festivals.

It's an expression.

And I think that's the important part of what I'm doing.

And also what's keeping me alive I guess.

Overloading

 And overthinking these days.

It's as if I'm always out of breath.

Like I can't breathe.

And I can't see things properly.

Like an eye fog.

Sometimes these fog seem to form images.

Not sure why I did that but yesterday I went to watch Goo Hara's performances.

And got a heavy flashback of how I used to go crazy for her.

Like how I go crazy about Twice now.

And she's just...

gone...

How fragile can life get?

Just putting it into perspective for myself as well.

These intrusive thoughts are making me shiver.

Recently, standing at the side of the road always pair with a random thought asking,

"What happens if I take a step out?"

Also, took a step back to look at how happy and distracted I was yesterday night.

Looking at myself from a 3rd person view just scares me even more.

This morning sure is heavy.

It freezes me.

I want to hide.

From everything.

Wouldn't it be nice if I could just send a message to everyone who needs to find me.

That I'll be uncontactable.

At the end of the day,

I think all these stem from OVERLOADING.

Need some realignment during my leave.

Somehow I know I will look back and say, no, these thoughts aren't real.

But how do we define which are real and which aren't?

If you trip the fuck out while getting high, why are those thoughts considered fake?

Alright, this is getting out of hand.

Just shut the fuck up seriously.

Chaeng

Just realised 'Handle It' was written by Chaeyoung.

The word 'bias' is a really good description.

Suddenly the song sounds so good.

Haha.

twaisu

Been really obsessed with Twice lately.

Don't know how to explain how deep this has gone hahahaha but it's nice to know that Wei Lun understands.

Anyway, just wanted to update on the fact that this month had been a crazy busy month.

So much shoot but not complaining as usual.

Just want to complain about the amount of edits to do.

Also realising how suppressed my emotions are.

Maybe that's why I feel like a zombie everyday.

Erm.

Ran out of things to say.

Hahaha.

I miss you I guess?

Angry depression

Don't even know what to talk to about this.

But fking angry at every fking thing that's going on.

And I fking hate myself for being angry at everything.

And the cycle repeats.