*cues NMIXX ENTWURF COOL while writing this*
On the grab to work now.
Have been procrastinating this post for so so long.
So much on my mind right now (now as in these few weeks) that I find it really hard to get by day to day life.
One aspect of these issues is getting better I guess.
It was a quiet month for work for like 3 weeks?
The old fear of me lasting in this industry came back haunting me.
That's one.
Sleeping at 6am and waking at 3pm had been my body clock for the past weeks as well.
I don't know how to explain what I'm feeling right now but I'm definitely not feeling well mentally.
Of course not as intense as what used to be, but these 3 weeks were so scary.
Random talk to Megan at Vic's event was nice though I wished I was a little more sober.
We went straight into deep concepts about life which I really enjoyed.
Though I spaced out quite quickly during the conversation, I could feel the sincerity of having a nice conversation.
ICT is coming really soon.
As I was bathing just now, I think the biggest fear I think I'm gonna have is to act as if I'm alright.
Like I need to survive not letting my head take over my responsibilities of being an OC.
In short, the situation can be described as having added responsibilities with an already overly saturated head.
I know these will pass soon.
But living in it right now is so scary.
Having my head tell me how much of a loser I am every time I wake up.
How I suck at everything I do.
Climbing, work, maintaining relationships.
And short-lived motivation always causes a greater downfall.
I need rest.
But I don't know how to.
