Humility

Got to visit Keith's family the other day because data wrangling was taking too long.
It was interesting to see the dynamics of his family.
He was perceived as a small boy in the eyes of all his aunts.
It was a little weird to see his aunt pat his head and said that it's okay, don't be stress.
His wife was nice though, and his son is so cute.
And in my mind I was like, wow.
This is the family of a dp.
Totally not what I expected it to be.
I can see why he's such a humble and honest person.
I'm sure his family is proud of his achievements.
I hope one day my family will be proud of who I am too in the future.
And that I have the capability to do what I love and support the family.
It's sometimes tiring to 'work for money'.
Sometimes I wish that I have more say in the work I do for the clients.
Actually maybe I do, just that I need to manage my pool of creativity.
I think inspirations are very important to keep me going.
Especially in the creative sense.
Maybe I'm not as creative as those out there but I guess hardwork to seek creativity might pay off.
Need to constantly immerse myself in the content of the industry to better myself.
So I guess a note to myself would be to just continue what I'm doing.
And remind myself that if I'm not doing this, there would probably be nothing else that interests me enough to keep me going.
Lots of trying and lots of learning.
Allez to myself!

Morning struggles

It's been awhile but recently, I wake up in the morning feeling like shit again.
Anxious, annoyed, tired, lack of motivation.
I don't know why, maybe it's cause of the amount of work I have to do.
But ain't I supposed to like what I'm doing?
Why am I dreading waking up some times?
I think it's time to slow down whatever I'm doing and reflect about the past 3 months.

I mean life has been rather fine for me...
The amount of work coming in has been really quite okay.
Let's just break down the amount of money I will have earned by end of October.

BA - 500
Wedding - 1100
DWEN assist - 150
NEA edit - 250
SMU edit - 300 (?)
CPF edit - 500 (?)
MPFC cam B - 450
Ninja.sg - 500 (?)
Educare - 1600 (?)
MPFC 2 cam B - 450 (?)
Wedding 2 - 1200
Grip TVC - 100
Grip 20th sept - 150

7000 + - It's actually not that bad for a start I guess?

I think the annoying part is always the client.
I think that's the most triggering thing for me.
And I really really need to learn to work with client.
I may have the camera skills but I don't think my PR skills are good.

So also, to update those loyal readers who still read this.
I got my intern at NOC.
And I'm supposedly starting my intern on the 1 Nov.
But I have been flamed by all the people I've worked with.
Saying that I shouldn't go NOC because their production and cinematography is not as good.
I mean they are famous because of their content.
And I think that the connection over there is pretty good?
I really don't know.
I can't decide.

And fuck.
I woke up feeling like I have so much to rant about my life but right now I'm just keeping my hands at my keyboard, and thinking fuzzy things.
Not able to write down what is all in my head.
I just know I'm a little tired and a little lost.
And pretty unmotivated to improve myself.
Where's the guy who wanted to prove the world wrong?
Where's the guy who learn AE on his own free time.
Where's the guy who tries to analyse movies and edits?
Maybe all these are just my morning head.
But maybe all these are actually part of a deeper problem.
I need to fix this.
Somehow.