'Don't listen to a word I say

Screams all sound the same.'

'Cause though the truth may vary

This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore.'

7 years ago

7 years later



Same song.
Different meaning.

I think the hardest part

Of every thoughts is self-doubt.
The questioning of whether this is what I'm truly feeling.
Like what's the definition of truth.
What's the definition of rational thoughts.
Like at times when I say my head is clear and rational, I still feel the self-doubt in me when I say "I am very rational now. The things I'm saying makes complete sense."

How do we put it across to people

That what we try to convey with our faces all the time isn't 100% what we're feeling at that point of time.
Only a few has seen me cry because of overwhelming thoughts.
Those are my closer friends.
If you have, thanks for being in my life.
You all are the most important people in my life even if I'm not one of yours.

Maybe the music isn't loud enough

And I wonder

If you'll blame me for reacting in certain way sometimes.
It's not that I can help it.

Why bring my own reality

To everyone's reality.
Ridiculous yet I can't take my words back.
Why do I always do this to you

Hell week

I think this hell week deserves a post from me because it's one of the rare times school is affecting me like crap.
I HAVE 7 DEADLINES IN 4 DAYS.
I have my thai paper at 6pm which I am currently just starting to revise.
And I have thai presentation and physics CA on Wednesday which I haven't really started preparing.
Thai presentation need to rehearse but don't even know what my group is going to really present about.
I'm the one doing the conclusion of the group but then I don't know what they're going to talk about so I have to wait for them to finish before I can start writing my script.
And for the physics 2131 CA, I managed to do up my cheat sheet yesterday night but still....
I haven't even started doing anything for it.
I have no idea what all the formula means and I need to practise.
But I have really no time.
Today I'll end school at 8pm, hopefully I can try to write finish my script today before I head home.
So that the whole of tomorrow will be given to my physics CA.
BUT WAIT, I just realised I can't write my script today because no one has done anything in my group yet.
GG la.
I don't even know how to prioritise my time now.
And yeah anyway, Thursday still got physics presentation.
(Slides are 60% done thank god I managed to squeeze in last week)
And I need to understand the experiment and stuffs like that before I can even write my script to present.
And I have to finish assignments 8 and 9 and write all the handout for 2131 before Thursday comes.
Each assignment usually takes around 2-4 hours depending on how fast people reply to me.
Can't wait for this week to pass man.
It is really ridiculous.
Listening to how all my physics friends are complaining about how hell this week is going to be, yet I have thai written and thai presentation in addition to their 'hell week'
Lol.
Just stop blogging and start revising maybe.
But yeah it was a pretty fast rant because I took 5 mins to type all these.
Wew
Okay, enough of school shit.
Bye.

Sometimes I feel like

if I don't make a change to please people,
I'm just going to wallow in self-pity when people are not pleased.
Yet how much inertia there are to even start.
And is there a need to even please people in the first place.

A parasite

that lives within.
The rationality it alters,
becomes weakness within.
It feeds on positivity.
Replaces it with darkness.
A cloud so thick,
that disables ability.
Nothing makes sense.
And it seems all too true,
When the parasite
decides to leave,
an empty host is left to be.

There's too much things to do

So damn tired.
And it's not helping that when I want to settle down to start on my work, my mind just keeps going on and on about the amount of things there are to do.
Unproductive yet unable to do anything about it.
I don't even know how I'm going to control my head next week.
Feels insane.