I'm sorry but

this performance has got to make it into my blog.

It is too good la wtheck.

For archiving purpose~

The song too, it's too much feels :')

Hello, my name is Stevie

Actually, I'm lying, it's really Bebe

It's the meds, they make me really sleepy

Klonopin, my friend, yeah, she numbs the feeling

My doctor upped my dosage

My mom felt bad, so she sent me roses

Without it, I feel really hopeless

And 5.7 of Americans know it

Wo-oo-oh, I'm living and I'm dreaming

Trying to stay even, oh

No, I don't need your help

To make me sick, to make me ill

I don't need anybody else

'Cause I can break my heart myself

I don't need your help

Getting off of this carousel

I don't need anybody else

'Cause I can break my heart myself

Today went really well

I didn't wake up in a panic spell

It was fine, even though I fell

Deeper and deeper into a manic hell (Hahahahaha)

Wo-oo-oh, I'm living and I'm dreaming

Trying to stay even, oh (No)

Wo-oo-oh, I'm draining for no reason

Apologize, no feelings, oh

No, I don't need your help

To make me sick, to make me ill

I don't need anybody else

'Cause I can break my heart myself

I don't need your help

Getting off of this carousel

I don't need anybody else

'Cause I can break my heart myself

Woo-hoo, woo-hoo, woo-hoo

'Cause I can break my heart myself

There's a jumper on

Hollywood and the 101

And I'm scared, I could be that one

But I'm not (No)

Woo-hoo, woo-hoo, woo-hoo

'Cause I can break my heart myself

No, I don't need your help

To make me sick, to make me ill

I don't need anybody else

'Cause I can break my heart myself

I don't need your help

Getting off of this carousel

I don't need anybody else

'Cause I can break my heart myself

Slow downnn

It's good that I can remind myself to slow down these days.

Like the concept of slowing down will "pop" into my mind randomly.

Which is nice.

Anyway, randomly bump into Mel today at BFF.

So nice to see her after dk how many years.

And just recalled that at one point of time we were really close.

Like she'd accompany me and just be there when I'm upset.

To the point I remember like we were both silent, and I was just smoking.

No conversation but it was nice to have someone be there.

I think kinda same with Phebz too.

Thinking back on BA18, I think I kinda failed as a leader of the committee.

All I wanted was a good comp, and I placed too much of my own expectations onto my members.

And at the end of it, I felt like I've caused a lot of unnecessary stress to all my members.

Only looking back 4 years on then I realised how uneasy they must felt.

And I guess also kind of because of BA my friendship with these people soured too.

But not gonna lie, seeing them again right now like in 2022, I think we've all moved on from that.

Whatever experience good or bad, I think I still remember all the good feelings that we all shared.

It's still an amazing experience for me.

But sadly, maybe not so much for them because of me :/

So yeah, really glad to see Mel again!

Felt like all the emotions we've shared back then came rushing back.

We've both seen each other cry before, and I think because of that, it's a very very special friendship to me.

Oh, randomly insert, I've been learning how to skate!

It's getting more and more fun.

There were times (out of the 4/5 sessions)  where I thought I would get bored of it.

So yesterday night I learnt how to tic while moving.

Not sure if it's the right term.

I feel like the unlocking of tictac while moving is going to be a really important foundation for cruising / tricks in the future.

So I really want to master tictac for now.

It's nice to learn a new sports hahaha.

I mean, climbing for 12 years already, it's super refreshing.

I think skating has a lot of body awareness too.

Kind of like climbing.

And I'm glad I can kinda translate the awareness of body from climbing / acro to skating.

Just that the movements are much more dynamic.

Want to keep learning! 

And look cool hehe

Okay byeee

Things I hope I take away from this experience

 Actually maybe not things.

I might be a little tipsy right now but I'm quite clear that what I want to take away from this C+ experience is

I really want to learn to take things slow.

Not just physically but mentally.

The world feels so different when I got COVID-19.

Especially how everything slows down.

Thoughts slow down.

And how much I realised I've been thinking too fast.

Every single thing.

When I smoke in my room and looked outside my window, I felt like the world outside is moving so slowly.

And it just slow my thought process down too.

Two of my good friends are going to leave Singapore for a good 1 / 2 / 3 years.

I just feel so much right now.

I think especially CK because I spend a lot of time with him.

When I feel alone and I have nothing to do, just crashing his house feels really good.

Or the weekly Friday Mahjong sessions at my house.

These 2 friends leaving made me feel like a part of me broke.

Maybe not so exaggerated but I really felt the difference when I think about times I have no one to turn to.

I know both are just a text away but y'know, knowing that they are in a foreign place makes me feel that they are too far away too.

I hope the two of them can achieve what they want to achieve from this trip.

And I will see the two of you very soon.

Take care.

Wherever you are.

You'll be missed :) 

Day 3 of Covid

Hi. It's 10.44pm right now and also the 3rd day of Covid for me.

Just had quite a nice stretching / yoga-ish kind of session myself on the floor.

Kind of reminds me of those times stretching alone at the back of Onsight.

Full concentration and focus on breathing.

Proprioception.

Honestly felt really good to bring both the physical and mental state into the same space.

It feels amazing to be able to translate whatever I have in my thoughts to bodily motions in this real space.

It's like a literal "translation" of thoughts if you understand what I mean.

Being alone in my room for the past ~ 70 hours have been really quite interesting.

Like what I told Jun Wen, the amount of work hasn't change but the whole world seems to slow down.

And it just occur to me how fast my brain has been functioning all the time.

Even at times where I thought I was being with myself, I wasn't.

I was alone with myself, but my thoughts weren't with myself.

They were thinking about all other things that were distracting me.

So it was a nice 'me' session.

Though it lasted for a short 30 minutes or so, felt really refreshed.

And just wondering if I can incorporate this to my daily life once I am tested negative.

Really just wanted to log down that I had COVID-19 and to be honest it reminded me that we have been living in this pandemic world for 2 1/2 years already.

So thankful for the vaccine, can't imagine how awful it might have been for those people who suffered from it before the mass production of vaccine.

And really glad that life is finally returning to its norms.

Thankful for this experience (as crazy as this might seem)

《再也沒有你》

 標題和我正想要寫的沒關聯。

也許只是昨晚聽了好幾遍。

昨晚真的是喝了太多了。

突然有種很難説出來的感受。

爲什麽又來到這熟悉的狀況？

仿佛把我丟回差不多兩個月前的場景。

似乎一摸一樣嘞。

我猜過幾天這個熟悉的感覺也就會忘了吧。

爲了給後來的自己瞭解這個post，

我再講的人是J。

我知道這感覺可能明天睡醒就消失，但就是好想把昨晚的情緒寫在這兒。

讓那幾分鐘的情節，永遠就留在這裏吧。

安靜

雖然好累，但今晚有種好安靜的感覺。

可以說是一個好平安的夜晚。

不經意地覺得在繁忙的生活裡，我們多該放慢腳步，看看自己，看看周圍。

才發現這幾天，這幾週，或這幾個月都非常的忙碌。

只有在這種夜晚裡，我才能好好聽見自己的心聲。

原來我也有這種能力。

喔，對了。

如果你今天來到了這裡，讀到了這一段，我想祝你生日快樂。

希望你接下來的生活會過得幸福。

加油。

喝酒過後

難道你不覺得你喜歡的歌的歌詞都似乎在訴説你的私生活嗎？

今天就聽著告五人來越過今晚吧。

剛剛聼他們的直播，感到很開心。

就像和一群朋友們邊喝酒，邊聊天似的。

他們今天説了他們告白的故事。

讓我想起我有什麽資格和你告白呢？

就算你知道我好喜歡你，但又有什麽用呢？

我已經看到故事的結尾。

時間會一直 的過，而我對你的感情也將慢慢地消失對吧？

這只是生活中的一段。

我想一年過後我連中文都不用。

你信不信？

08052023 在回顧這一個 post 吧~