Thanks Ivan

Felt like it has been years since I've talked to you like that.
It was nice being able to be your listening ear and listening to your problems.
Like what you said, it distracts away from my own issues.
Thanks for being a decade year old friend.
I'm sorry I've rejected you for drinks or supper etc.
I'm just tired to socialise sometimes.
But today it felt really good just sitting downstairs your house and talking like how we used to last time.
You made me realised physically that it's true that other people have their own problems.
And that everyone has their own priorities in life that's why friends start to meet less.
But that doesn't mean they don't care.
I'm glad you talked to me and even though we didn't really say anything much about our problems, at least we shared similar things that we can relate to.
Things like opening up to someone and expecting them to open up to you.
And like how it's not right to expect that.
Though I didn't say anything much, it was nice just to be listening to you.

"Don't lose yourself" was probably the most triggering words.
I guess I'm still me.
Just a little different, but it's still me.

Thanks~~~~~

Beating kids

Sitting on the bus while listening to a businessman in his well dressed formal dress beating his around 2 years old daughter.
Scolding her for crying and beating her to keep her quiet while she keeps shouting for her mum.
Just thought about my parents beating me since young and at 22 right now I'm glad they did.
I'm glad they brought me up this way despite me hating that they did.
It always felt like they didn't love me enough to understand what I've got to say.
But as I'm thinking now, I'm so glad I didn't turn out into someone without thoughts.
I can't imagine myself to not be a person who think so much.
About everything.
Maybe because I wanted a reason for everything.
But yet when they don't explain to me, I think.
I started thinking at a very young age.
Pondering about the future me when I was in primary school.
Just what do I want in life.
Maybe till now I still don't know what I want.
But I'm really grateful that my parents have treated me so strictly when I was young.
I can't imagine an insensitive weepin and just enjoying life in the wrong ways.
Hmmm.
Just wondering about how I'll turn out as a person if not for my parents though.

Been awhile

Since I drank alone.
Guess some time to myself~

Just a random thought

I'm scared to see familiar faces in public.
Not because I can't maintain small talks.
But it's just stressful to pretend that I'm still the same and that life has been fine for me.
And that I haven't changed a single bit since we last conversed.
And the urge to explain how I'm going through my life day to day but get rejeceted by myself convincing me that they won't understand.
I guess some people do understand.
And I'm glad that I can count on these people.
But sometimes even if they do understand I'll feel like they have no time to spare to listen to me.
And I'd tell myself that everyone has their own problems, no one has time to deal with my bullshit.

I guess it's kinda fine when my head is clear.
But when the head is clear, I'll somehow know that it'll come again and I'm just helpless when it comes.
That uneasy feeling hits me every time I'm alone in the morning.
But at least not when I wake up now.
It's like talking about this uneasiness brings it out right now as I'm typing this.
And for that moment it's just questioning why I'm feeling this uneasiness and nothing else.
Kind of an inability to think about proper stuffs.
It's like the more I question myself the more confused I get yet somehow I want to know more but there's nothing to know more about in the first place.
Like there's so much doubt about myself?
Doubting my own emotions and about how these thoughts get into my head.
And if someone were to ask me what thoughts?
I'd probably say I don't know.
It's like a mass of connections and disconnections going on in your head in split seconds.
Crippling the ability to even catch a glimpse of what's going on.

Okay too much shit 

One and a half years

since we last met.
But it's nice to know that maybe you've changed but not as drastic as I thought you would.
It's nice talking to you again, and this time all so different as compared to the other time.
I enjoyed listening to what you've been up to all this while.
And like realised that you're still the same in certain sense.
And the best part of today's meetup was really just telling you about everything I've felt over the past years and things that have happened to me.
It felt soooooooooooooooooo freaking good to be able to be so open to you.
It's like maybe I'm scared of being judged a little but it's really cool that you just listened without really saying anything.
And maybe it felt a little awkward for me at times.
Like when there's silence, but I like how you just "Eh you feeling awkward ah?"
HAHAHA
Hope that we'll still be able to catch up again.
And this time it'll be you jio-ing me.
Quite confident that you'll jio me so please don't disappoint me HAHAHA.
If not means I jio you again in 2018.
Thanks.
It really meant ALOT to me to be able to say everything I've been wanting to say.
And like realising that I can tell this story to 100 people over the past 5 years but just telling you cleared all the recurring thoughts in my head.
It feels so refreshing in a way.
And it feels like we're restarting our friendship all over again.
It's really nice.
Thanks Sherine! :)

There are times

When I wished that I don't have to put myself in everybody's mind.
It's like living everybody's life through their shoes all at once.

Don't know what you doing everyday

If only you knew.