AR

Indeed feels like an alternate reality.

I'm afraid I might be using it to escape the pain.

This whole thing just feels so familiarly painful.

And it's funny because nothing happened.

Grampian 2023

Realised that every trip that hit me hard always has a song that is tagged to it.

And I guess the two that are kinda tagged to the trip is 

The Girl In Byakkoya - Susumu Hirasawa

I don't love you - My Chemical Romance

It is hard to believe the trip has ended just like that.

Sitting in my room typing and feeling the thick calluses on my finger tips, while listening to The Girl In Byakkoya.

Everything is just caving in now.

Transferring all the footages captured into my computer now.

I'm gonna have a really bad nostalgia.

I think what I told Rachel, my trip ended in Melbourne.

I think one of the highlights of our Grampians trip was really staying in Troopers Creek.

Disconnect to connect was one of the best feelings in the world.

Coming back to Singapore or even Melbourne made me realise the huge difference in that.

If there's anything I would like to takeaway from the trip is to use less of my phone and being more present in the physical reality around me.

It was a good trip.

A really good one.

I don't even know how to begin but in general, being out there with the nature, doing very basic things like waking up to make breakfast and preparing crag food, starting fire, refilling diesel into our generator etc.

All these 'problems' are the only ones we were worrying about in our stay there.

Whether we had enough water up the crags, what is the weather like, what do I wear.

Such simple problem that hardly cross your mind when you're living in the city.

After drowning myself in work, stressful trading, disconnection from my friends and reality, it felt really good to just be human again.

All the complex problems are taken over by all these simple yet important ones.

Going to Melbourne was a really quick transition and I couldn't handle it.

Being out in a place where there are hardly any humans and then snap, I found myself in the middle of Melbourne, being swarmed by noises and people.

It caught me really off guard and I was pretty affected by it.

No more smoking in the backyard in the cold, no more dirtbag attire.

No more sub 15 degrees weather, no more long drives on the road.

No more nature.

This is a really bittersweet ending to this trip, but I'm glad I brought my camera (again) to immortalise these memories and feelings.

And maybe one day when I'm feeling so overwhelmed with this city landscape, I can look back at this trip and take a little breather.

Because there's so much more to life than this.

It was a nice chapter.

Thank you to all 6 of you for making this trip so memorable.

Daryl, Jason, Deng Hui, Rachel, Irham and Elin.

Ryan and Bryan who joined us on this trip as well.

Huge congratulations to Ryan for sending Ammagamma~

And to Jason who's probably been through so much in his mind.

It was the best show I've ever watched.

I could feel the internal fight so much, and I'm sure you've gave in your best.

Ammagamma will be waiting for you bro!

Thank you Grampians for bringing back the psyche of climbing to me.

To many more rock trips in the future.

Cheers~

Day (?) Gramps

Sitting by the backyard and just soaking in the sunset.

Thinking that it probably be good to write down some thoughts.

Feels pretty used to this lifestyle here.

Faraway from work, family and friends.

After trying Gay Hip Flexor V7 yesterday, felt kinda down and just suddenly depressed.

Not by the route but triggered by the route.

It was clear that my thoughts can be easily skewed to the negative side.

With just some bad triggers and the whole world seems to just crash very quickly.

And it was also clear that there are so much more triggers back at home.

It's scary that families and friends can be considered as triggers sometimes.

And I guess that's why I feel so much better right here.

Being so close to nature for the past week just reminded me of how fast paced the city life is.

That's probably the reason why I hate being in Singapore so much.

It's so easy with every overseas trip to say that yes I want to slow down my thoughts and the pace I'm moving with life.

But every single time, this concept gets devoured quickly by my own lifestyle.

I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one that feels like this when they head back home after an overseas trip but I just want to pen down what I'm feeling now as a form of memory.

Every single one of us that came to this trip probably feels a tad different from who they are back in Singapore.

In a good way where none of us are carried away from the distractions of life. 

It honestly feels a lot like hampi, and maybe that's why I kinda said that this could be my 2nf best overseas trip in my life. 

And I guess the similarity I can think of is the cold and being out in the nature, faraway from humans.

It's a good trip so far.

And I really don't want to forget this feeling.

DPDR

Before I start doing some administrative work today, I wish to write this down because it's getting a little overwhelming as I think about it.

These few days, DPDR feels pretty strongly and I really can't function properly, especially moments when I just wake up.

I guess it's good that I recognise it now.

I don't even know how to describe how this feels.

It's like phasing in and out of reality and mostly just moving around this Earth like a possessed soul.

What caused it?

I don't really know, I guess the stress from trading (which I told everyone I had stopped but hands got itchy and lost a few more hundreds last week).

The lack of deep communications with the people around me?

The work that seems cyclical?

And maybe just the lack of spending time with myself and feeling things I'm supposed to feel.

And thus my brain has decided that it's a little too much, telling myself to stop and look around me.

Honestly, work has been really great.

Really enjoyed DP-ing for Ah De even though I feel like I could have done a lot better as a DP.

But professionalism aside, I think it's really nice to work with the crews on Ah De.

Tuesday will be the last day we'll be working together.

I'm sure I gonna miss sitting in Dion's van, rush reading the script and then executing whatever I know or learnt on past sets or from YouTube to shoot this online series.

It has been a really eye-opening experience for me (though initially stressful).

And I wish I can shoot more narratives in the time to come.

There's so much more to learn and so much people to meet.

And just thinking of that just makes me excited about my career.

It's like 4 more weeks to Grampians and honestly pretty excited for it too.

Can finally take a break from this society and just live an alternate experience entirely.

Guess the DPDR feeling is getting away after penning down what's on my mind.

A glimpse of clarity as I write things down.

Allez to myself.

<3

Itzy Checkmate Singapore 2023

Went to Itzy's concert today with Wei Lun!!

It was honestly an eye opening experience.

Never expected myself to go to a kpop concert.

Though we're both not really Midzy, it was still a really intense day.

When all the members were giving their heartfelt speech, and when Midzys were all listening attentively, I just felt this weird sense of belonging in this community of HUMANS. 

It's as if all of us were connected at that point in time.

Especially when they were saying things like though we don't see each other face to face, and probably the next time might be years, I felt this global connection via their music.

I don't know how to put it but it was really quite mad.

Can't imagine when Twice comes to Singapore, will definitely cry buckets for them.

Thank you Itzy for this very special night.

<3

Lion

It's the start of the year and I've spend every living day watching (G)I-DLE. 

Great to have a fresh kpop group that I stan, though they are also 5 years idol just like when I first stan Twice.

Soyeon <3

Rare group that I like every single members.

Can't wait to go to their concert in the future which I missed in October in Singapore zzzz.

Anyway was just thinking of how fast my mind is processing things when I just wake up.

I fking hate it when there's like a million things in my head when I wake up every day.

Just been realising it from a third person's perspective recently.

I wish I can be more aware to slow down my thoughts in the morning.

ITZY concert in 2 weeks~ psyched

Friends (Or rather humans)

Countdown party last night at Isaac's

And seeing people break down after drinking, just made me realise how fragile everyone is.

And how untrue social media can be.