Must you?

Seriously very tired of you judging my career choice ever since I graduated.

So looking forward to this shoot and you had to comment and despise my work.

Fuck

酒後狂哭

 好久沒這樣了啊

這一下

死了啦。

有點連起床的力氣都沒了。

天天

在夢裡看到的人，在現實生活終於看到了，真是很大的不同。

繼續做夢吧。

晚安大家!

幹。

或許

不是單單因為你，而感到現在的煩躁。

或許是你讓我想起了這幾年過得匆匆忙忙，沒好好停止下來想想我自己過得怎樣。

或許你把我腦撥開了，這幾年來擦肩而過的人都突然一次過回到身旁。

讓我好好的再次看他們多一眼。

有可能是這樣的，不都是你造成的。

我沒必要把所有沉思的都和你做個連結。

自己的問題吧。

這樣的思想真的對你一點都不公平。

我也該了解"期望越高，失望越深"這一點吧。

這幾天，天天到晚都滿想你的。

也好幾個月了吧。

真的好想知道你在想什麼啊。

Am I really?

I'm shocked that people said I look happy.

It's such a starting contrast when I look inwards.

How do I explain these few days?

Well, for me to even be so 'motivated' to come to this old place means a lot.

Didn't even come here after I broke up hahaha.

This feels good though.

The sound of the waves crashing be silencing the noise inside.

At least those noises have been converted into words.

Not all of them, but at least I could hear myself again.

Maybe I just feel lonely all over again.

I'm sure it isn't the lack of friends because I've been hanging out with people.

But I guess it's the lack of people who truly have time to sit down beside me and listen to me.

And everyone is busy, either physically or mentally.

I just feel like I'm being selfish if I open up too much.

And I know I can't really express myself well; even if I feel like I opened up, there are feelings that are difficult to put in words too.

The thoughts of going to see a therapist is popping out again.

Just comparing this line with "You look like you're happy." just makes me feel so unheard and misunderstood.

I'm not getting any younger.

And the stress of not knowing how the next few years will pan out scares me quite a bit.

But looking back, wasn't this what I was thinking about the past few years?

As I was walking to this spot that I'm sitting at right now, I was thinking to myself;

If life's journey is like this seemingly endless path, it really seems like we are all chasing things that we can't see.

In front of me is the future, and as I take steps forward, behind me will be the past.

And it just suddenly daunted on me that it really is the NOW that matters the most.

I don't think I will ever be not afraid of the future and the unknown, but isn't there a choice right now to stop walking and just take all of these that is happening in?

And if I were to do that now, I'd say I'm thankful for what I have now. 

Maybe I'm just a little stress out being stuck in this "city life" where everything and everyone is moving at such a fast pace.

Looking out to the sea, makes me realised how small these problems really are.

It kinda reminds me of the vast array of rocks stacked in Hampi.

And those exact thoughts in 2017.

I don't have an exact answer still even sitting right here.

And I guess it's okay.

And maybe all I needed for the past week, was just alone time.

So, I'm really grateful for what I'm seeing now.

:)

整個世界

彷彿神魂顛倒了。

這幾天都過得好慢喔。

做什麼事都覺得好分心啊。

我也不知道該寫什麼，只是在巴士上聽著音樂就好多感觸。

其實這幾天都滿相似的，就是沒事做在發呆的時候就滿腦想着你。

和幾個朋友討論了但大家都沒有個答案。

也許這狀況真的有點複雜。

好久沒有這種感覺了，沒想到我還能有這麼一天。

好煩却沒有個清楚的解脫。

我想我只能發洩在攀岩上啊。

之前心碎時都是這樣的，也許現在也一樣吧。