2014

It's been almost 5 years since I had this blog.
Every time I write here, I still feel a sense of relief.
Like I can see my thoughts coming out in black and white.
And feels like trouble leaving my head onto these pixels.
I've been waking up to the thought of GCC almost everyday now.
No time for mental prep because............

GCC STARTS TOMORROW

Dat mind torture

It's going to be GCC soon.
A course that I've always wanted to go ever since I watched the GCC video on youtube.
But now, having posted to 3 Guards, I'm kind of mind-fucked.
Like it's coming but it's not there yet.
It's only 3 weeks.
I WANT MY KHAKI BERET.
But I'm damn scared that I cannot make it through.
This course's definitely going to change me drastically.
And after GCC, hopefully things will get better.

As easy as it seems.
Just saying "It's all in the mind."
It doesn't seem so easy after all.
Shall learn to control my mind during the whole course.
But the thing right now is, I don't have any good friends that I can count on now.
All my comrades are all over the place.
Tsk tsk.
Let's just see how it goes from next Monday onwards.

Past, Present, Future

Hello fellow readers.
Sorry haven't been posting.
Busy man.

6 days have passed since I commissioned.
I have been an officer for 6 days already.
Blank.
That's the feeling I felt when I threw my peak cap high up on the evening of 19 April.
Tears just brew in my eyes right I picked up my peak cap.
Such immense emotions.
Awesome feeling.
Awesome parade.
The next day when I wore my smart 4 and go back to camp with my new rank, every thing felt different.
Firstly the fact that I don't need to march anymore.
In my entire life.
Secondly, I'm surprised the canteen uncles and aunties start calling me sir.
And thirdly, the camp felt different as I was about to leave.
These 9 months of training had really changed me.
Learnt how to communicate with more confidence.
Learnt to respect others.
Learnt to do the right things even when no one is looking.
Learnt to break the rules sometimes.
Learnt how to have fun.
Learnt how my mental can be so strong if I decides to push on for something.
It's really a painful journey before I get my rank.
And the most memorable moment in my whole OCS is probably Ex Forager during JCC.
I think it's the only time I cried.
Not just tears.
I cried out.
Sitting on my A-frame.
Feeling so miserable.
So hungry and so lonely.
7 days in the jungle already without much food left.
No one to talk to.
So much tasks to do.
No mood to do.
It's just very depressing.
And I just broke down and cried.
It was the thought of my family member then I pushed on.
I want to finish this course so I can go home and see my parents.
I've never missed home so much.
Ever.
And that was some life changing moment there.
I started to treat my parents better and all.
But now and then I still can't stand their nagging :/
But I'm starting to understand things from their point of view.
It's really not easy to become someone's parent.

You never stop becoming an officer.
Many senior officers have told us this.
It's a life long thing.
You're an officer even in civilian times.
Cause officership is a value.
The things we learn in OCS is not just for NS.
Faced with problems, deal with it.
Faced with problems you can't deal about, suck it up.
The officer's calling is life long.
It never stops.
The officer's creed will always be etched in my mind.
Like what CO 3rd guards told us (those posted to guards), after 5 years, 10 years or maybe even 40 years down the road, you will never forget the officer's creed.

I am an officer of the Singapore Armed Forces.
My duty is to lead, to excel and to overcome.
I lead my man by example.
I answer for their training, morale and discipline.
I must excel in everything I do.
I serve with pride, honor and integrity.
I will overcome adversity with courage, fortitude and determination.
I dedicate my life to Singapore.

Really thankful to my BMT PC.
Without them I won't be in OCS.
And without being in OCS, I definitely won't learn all these things.

Moving on, two days after we commissioned.
Went to Phuket for holiday with Hwan, George, Kelvin and Shah.
It's really fun and crazy.
Had fun visiting the night life there.
And had fun visiting the beaches there.
And I am traumatized for the shit that happened on our 3rd night.
Argh.
It was really a great experience.
But I really don't want to talk much about it.
HAHAHA.
What happens in Phuket stays in Phuket.
Great times!

And now.
It's back to reality.
Going to my new camp tomorrow.
3rd Guards!
So nervous and excited.
Probably going to have some UIP shit tomorrow to get my formation tab.
Hopefully my sunburn won't kill me hahaha.

Had always wanted to become a Guards Officer since BMT.
Because I'm inspired by 2LT Lester.
He taught me how to respect people.
And taught me how to be humble.
And I will definitely pass these two values on to my men.
It's 1:32 am right now.
Need to wake up at 6.
So I will end this post with.......


ALWAYS READY!
READY TO STRIKE!

About introverts

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/15-things-that-introverts-would-never-tell-you.html

Find most of the things true.
Go and read about it!

We are not shy, rude or uptight.

At first, we may seem that way. Get to know us, and we can actually make you laugh, and hold a conversation that lasts more than 15 minutes. The thing is, we don’t share this with everyone. Being “social” or “sociable” is an option, not a way of being. We can’t fake happy or excited really well, and we show what we think on our face, not as much in our words.

This is especially true for people who I've just met.
It just takes time for me to get comfortable with you.
Days, weeks or even months.

Last shag of OCS

Tomorrow will be the last day and the last time my platoon will be doing something together.
Since I woke up with thoughts of Platoon Assault Course (PAC) in my head, means I probably feel it's a burden.
Morning thoughts are always of things that affect you the most.
I GUESS.
So I find it so damn difficult to wake up cause of PAC.
I'm like, FUCKKKKKKKK tomorrow got PAC.
I'm really not looking forward to it.
Anyway, I was also thinking of the times after I commission.
I'm damn scared I won't be a good PC.
I don't know a lot of drills.
I don't even know how to set up trip flares and claymores.
I don't know how to breech cause I'm always not the breeching team.
What if next time my man ask me questions like this and I can't answer them?
Helpless.
But well, the really good thing is OCS is coming to an end.
I'm 27 more days to commissioning.
Mixed feelings.
Happy that I'm going to get my bar.
But sad that the platoon is going split ways.
Means I probably won't meet up with them so often anymore.
Not like 5 times a week at least.

Just waiting for that day to come.

Waking up

What's in your mind whenever you wake up?
The thoughts that are in your mind every morning kind of determines your personality.
It's always common to wake up feeling shitty.
If you're in the army, you probably will have complaints popping out from corners of your brains.
Complains like "Fuck, later got IPPT. Or fuck tomorrow got outfield. Or FUCK STILL SO LONG TO ORD."
Then when you're in the studying phase of life, be it in JC, Poly or Uni, you'll be like "Wtf man, fucking shag. AMG I STILL HAVEN'T FINISH MY ASSIGNMENT. Report due next week. Wah sian later so many lectures. Fuck I don't want to study anymore. FUCK FUCK FUCK."
And when you're all grown up after graduating from uni and you start entering the society.
You start looking for work, start working for people.
And you'll be like, "Fuck, what's there in life other than working for my boss."
And if you're a boss, "Fuck there's so many shit to do. I don't want to be a boss anymore."

These are probably the thoughts that we all have every time we wake up in the morning.
And it sucks because we aren't living the life that we want it to be.
The life your heart wants is the one that is filled with colour and excitement.
Not complaints, rants, dullness.
But this is how the society has changed all of us to become.
All of us are obliged to do things that is seemed to be the norm.
You can't possibly not work.
Where you get the money without work?
How you going to be successful in the future without studying hard?
How can you skip NS and go do something more useful?
These thoughts cannot be changed.
Or rather, I won't say that it's impossible but it's difficult.
But instead of having such thoughts every morning and making you frown when you wake up, think of the happy things in life.
Think of how you can make today a better day than yesterday.

Bng in the army for almost 11 months had made me a much simpler person.
I was talking to Wei Lun the other day while we were prawning.
The things he was telling me about was so complicated that I would probably not experience in my life here in army.
I haven't had any deep thoughts about life for so long.
Everyday just living with what's planned for me.
Do you plan your day or do the day make the plan for you?
Im really happy to have so little troubles right now.
Kinda glad that army had separated me from the world to know who's my true friends and who's not.

Actually what I want to put across this post is just that we as humans should worry less and start making plans of your every single day. If you want to be a happier person, it all starts from how you're gonna make today a happy day. Plan how you gonna make your day happy. If your day is planned for you, then think of how you can add colours to it. I think that's the meaning of life.

Back from TW!

Hi guys I'm back from Tai Wan.
The 21 days in Tai Wan somehow felt like a dream.
Well all overseas training are like that.
Anyway, I was the CWC of this trip.
Meaning, I'm the busiest man on earth.
But luckily thanks to my CWSM and CW2, we were able to handle the administrative things in camp.
Exercises were tiring but the mountainous view there was great.
The weather was great.
Can't really sweat much unless the sun is out (mostly in the morning 9am - 11am)
The last exercise was the worst out of all.
The continuous mission and charlie mike and all the mind fucking.
It wasn't that nice to be mind fucked when you're already feeling so lethargic from lack of sleep.
Everyday sleep around hours.
Walk over the midnight in almost pitch black condition.
Shivering at the top of ridgelines and on the defense site where all you wish is for the Sun to come out quicker.
And when you just finish this mission and feeling so shagged out, you got another mission in around 6 hours time.
This happened for 8 times.
A total of 8 missions + 1 Charlie Mike (Continue Mission - Just when you thought everything's over)
And after the 9th mission, we were told that we had another mission.
So we got mind-fucked for a few hours before they announce it was just a scam and the exercise is over.
I teared a little at that point of time.
Cause I was so tired and I needed to sleep damn badly.
That fatique was just... aRFGHSFDsdfA.

Anyway R&R was fun.
Just that we got confined on the first nights out as a punishment.
Was so bored man.
But the E tour was fun.
We went to sit the G5 roller coaster at one of the theme parks.
FUCKING SCARY.
Let me find the video.
..
.


The drop was so hard that nothing came out from our mouths.
HAHAHA it was fucking scary I swear.
But the feeling after finishing it was SHIOK.
Yeah the theme park was fun.
Free and easy was fun too.
Went to the night markets.
Spent money on food , drinks and fucking GAMES.
Those pellet hand gun where you shoot the balloons and get prizes.
Fucking wasted me and George's money.
LOL.
We went to try almost all the games.
Some were darts throwing.
Another was lifting of beer bottle using a small ring attached to a handle and string.
And a lot of bull shit game.
All had something in common.
Money wasting.

During one of the long bus rides, they played Na Xie Nian on the bus TV.
Was my third / fourth time watching it.
Always feel myself being attached to the show.
And I was there sitting on the bus thinking how is it like to be in a relationship.
Walking on the streets of Tai Wan, saw many young couples in their school attire.
Some the age of 17-19.
Made me realised that I'm probably never going to have a girlfriend in my teenage life.
Because I'm turning 20 this year.
Fuck!
Kinda sour just the thought of it.
But oh well...
HAHAHA.
Guess that's the end of this post.
Dying blog hahaha.
Too mundane to blog about stuffs.
Maybe I'll gather my thoughts more sometimes.
So that I can blog more often and reflect upon life like how I used to in Secondary School.



And just to let you know, I still think of you every now and then.
Well not the you now, but the you then.